This Is The End (Again)

Travelling is like a box of choclits...

It makes happy, but broke and FAT!!

Welcome back to the kingdom of BLOGSTON!! Shout out to ma peeeeps!! I was planning on writing a TEENIE WEENIE little paragraph about our last couple weeks in Sydney, in my NEXT blog for Bali. But its not the way the cookie crumbled blog fans... There’s quite a lot to report from our final 2 or 3 weeks here. And im sure ill have some absolute SCANDAL in my next blog. So put on the kettle, and let Gretel settle with a metal petal... boom...

So.. Where were we? I think in my last blog i wrote about working odd shifts as a labourer, saying bye to everyone, and blah blah blah... Cat got in contact with her old catering company “Nosh” to ask for work. They put her back on the system, but they only really give her work on the weekends. So, she had a really good idea to get work for accommodation in our hostel. That gave her something to do, other than picking the skin off her fingers... Psst... She just had to work for a couple hours, 4 days a week, for free accommodation and laundry. I was also only working here and there, so most of the days she worked, we did it together and wizzed through it. I was expecting more bed sheets to be covered in piss and puke. But it wasn’t bad at all... guess its just me that pukes everywahh...

I got offered a few shifts from my old removal company... Theyre such a shit company blog fans... For some reason they require everyone to be clean shaven.. Just to move some furniture. Its bullshit. I was quite liking my beard, and now im coming up to my 30^th birthday, looking like a bloody 13 year old! But i needed the money, so i did it...  Also had another stroke of good luck – I texted Ferenc (the guy i used to do the soccer coaching with) Just to say we’re back, and we should meet up for a drink and catch up. He replied, then later he texted again saying his current coaching partner is away, and asked if i wanted to help him for the next 2 weekends. Which was perfect! So i was able to help him out, and see all the kids i used to coach... They all got a little taller and better... They all remembered me... Naturally... They still do some weird shit. One kid showed me his Shrek DVD, and then forced me to hold it through the whole session. So i was running about, dribbling, doing skills, instructing, all whilst holding a Shrek DVD case for a whole hour. Mad skills...

We got our tax back!! All on the floor!!

Tax back, give me some more!!
Tax back, til you get sore!!
Tax back, ooohoohohooo...

Cat got back almost double what i did. Not surprising considering how much she worked. My coaching was always cash in hand as well. But we were still really happy with what we got. Had some good luck with money actually. My removal company gave me a shift for an hour, but they pay me 3 hours minimum. Then they gave me another shift the next day, but texted me the wrong time. So I turned up with my can of energy drink, revved up, and they had finished! Got paid another $60 for NOTHING. $120 for one hours work in total. Didnt even do much in that hour!... And it was only a 10min walk from our hostel... Awesome as shiiit... Other than working, we met up with a few people here n there. Maeve, Jente, Josh, Lisa, Rachels dad Paul... Unfortunately we couldn’t see everyone, but we did actually have quite a bit to do. We met up with Cats mate Kirsty, who works behind the bar of a strip club. I didn’t really wanna go, coz i knew id spend a lot. But Cat kinda forced me and this young Kiwi boy to come along. Straight away Kirsty lined up 4 shots and 3 cocktails for $15... Not a bad discount... But cheap drinks usually means i spend MORE money, as i make the most of the bargain. So yeah, I DID spend a lot. Got totally wasted, then argued with Cat. Totally ruined the Kiwi boys innocence. Was classic Shmose...

After that I tried to spend less. Started to cook in the hostel rather than eat out, but only once or twice... Which reminds me.. I was speaking to a girl in our hostel whilst cooking, and she told me my sausages were burning... I said “Yeah, I like my sausages brown” Then when she told me she doesn’t see me around here much, i said “I eat out a lot...” I don’t really know when its acceptable to use the “THATS WHAT SHE SAID” on a total stranger... So I just laughed, and said nothing... It was hard though... (thats what she said).

Cat continued to spend spend spend. Guess she has the right to. Shes the “money money money bagsss” over here... She keeps buying clothes that she don’t need, and cant pack though. Plus it’ll all be cheaper in Bali. I get dragged round the shops a lot. When i tell her off she goes “But its so prettyyy...” I said “So is Mila Kunis, but i don’t get to shag her”.... 1 – 0 me, blog fans....  1 – 0 me...

Tomorrow is the day we leave Sydney for the 2^nd time. Its emotional... We just met up with Maeve to have leaving drinks at O-Bar. Its a posh revolving bar that has really cool views of the city. Was a fitting end really. But who knows... We might be back! :o

We fly to Darwin late tomorrow night. I decided we shouldn’t get a hostel room, as we arrive there at 1am, and all the hostels are expensive anyway. So we’re gonna TRY to sleep in the airport, then go in the city for a bit in the day, then come back to fly to Bali the following night. We got some good news – It looks like we might have a place to settle down in after Bali. I’ve been contacted from my ad on Gumtree, and a really nice lady is offering her “granny flat” to us when we return. Its a good location, self contained, decent price, has internet, and a swimmingpool. Bosh! We’ve arranged a viewing on that day between flights, so hopefully we would of cemented a place for our return. Good times blog fans J

Next stop BALI!! 30 YEARS OLD!! OMFG!!! WTF!!! MUAHAHA!!!!

Shit is hitting the FAN!! Shit is hitting the BLOG FAN!! WHOA, SHIT EVERYWAHH!!! CHUNDER EVERYWAHH!!! AAHHHHHHH!!!!!!!!!

Be sure to tune in to THAT!!

Until then... Keep them tighty whiteys, TIIIIGHT!!!
Camel toe tight!! 

See you in Bali bitchezzz..

POW!!!!!!!!!!!!!! x

 

Sydney - The Sequel

Living in Australiaaa! - eye ta eye, station ta station
Living in Australiaaa! - hand ta hand, across the nation
Living in Australiaaa! - got ta have a celebration!
Duh duh duh da duh!!

(James Brown, special guest appearance there)

Welcome back you sexy blog fiends! Coming back for your next fix are ya? Well don't O.D. on me now! Coz Robbie G has cooked up a strong, potent dosage of BREAKING BLOG NEEWWSS!!

The last time you left me, I was back in Sydney! And everyone had GONE! Left this land forevveerr - except me, Cat and Ambika... I was tour guide AGAIN, and Ambika happened to be a true Australian tourist. Showing her around was fun. We did beach walks, city walks, mountain walks, sightseeing - all with a bottle of goon in hand. NATURALLY! :) So she settled into the lifestyle well. When I wasn't drinking goon publicly with her, I was mostly job hunting... I felt more experienced in what I should be aiming for, and applying for as a backpacker now. I wasted too much time applying for stuff I was never gonna get last time. I got back in contact with my old casual jobs as a removalist and labourer, and also some new ones too. I got told that work was available at Base backpackers. I know for a fact that if you work for them, it's mostly for free accommodation and food n drink tokens at Scary Canarys (Cats old bar). But it was better than nothing I guess, so I went for an interview... Well he said it was a interview, or a "chat" but he looked me up and down and asked me if I had work boots. I said I had (meaning at home), but I then realised he was expecting me to work there and then! Plastering and getting dirty in my semi-fancy interview clothes! I was like "Whoa, wait a minute! I don't know what the hours of work are, what I'm doing, if I'm getting paid, or anything yet!" We then agreed I was gonna find out about my other jobs on that day, and start tomorrow if nothing else came up. Ideally, I wanted to work for cash. Not to stay at Base! And I needed it for Bali... But luckily, by the end of the day, I had the choice of 3 jobbies, and I took the one as a labourer - not at Base :) Hoorah!! I was starting the next day, and it was WAY out in the south of Sydney. But I set my alarm 4:30am and was ready... That night the girls decided they wanted to go "Ivy" (nightclub with rooftop swimming pool) with an Italian guy, Spanish guy and a Dutch guy. The Dutch guy was fresh off the boat, and Ambika convinced him her box of white wine was really expensive and special - he felt really guilty drinking it.... It was actually a $12 box of goon... Ah, naive goon virgins. So naïve to the goonage... My alarm was set for 4:30am, but the girls came in at 4:20, so I didn't need it... Plus, Ambika snores like a bloody buffalo with asthma.... So, it was back to early starts for me! :)

So I worked for a couple days at this big house. I just basically needed to get all the floors ready for carpeting. It was ok.. but dusty... Really dusty! I was like Scarface with a serious dust problem.. Had at least a kilo of dust up my honker every time I breathed. But that's life.. My bank accounts been "exit only" since the farm, so i was happy to get some sort of income at the end of the day... Ambika had an old uni friend (Bonnerly) moving to Sydney. So we met up with him. We were told he moved into a place in Bondi Beach.. And guess what he found!?.. 128 WARNERS AVENUE, Bondi! Aka - Where we all used to live before! He lived in apartment 4, right next door to our old place. We went back there and had a house party with all our old neighbours. About 6 of us played F#*@ The Dealer. Some French guy was coming off the worst. It was his first time playing it, and he threw a massive strop because of the amount he was drinking :p Its so funny... He threw his cards down (which somehow ended up in his drink), got up angrily, then started dancing to "The Next Episode" with a smile on his face lol. Was classic Shmoseby... A couple days after the house party, we were back in Bondi. This time it was for Ambikas last day out. So we had a bbq and lots of drinks. Me and Cat wernt really hungry, but stupidly, I let Cat do the food shopping for us. I said "Dont get carried away, just get a few burgers, and buns." (We had ketchup, cheese, oil etc)... So she went into Coles as I waited outside - then came back with like 60 million bags! She had camel burgers, chicken skewers, sausages, salads... Bare in mind this is just for me and her, and other people made their own contributions... I asked her what she spent, and she was like "...$40." Me and Mark used to do a bbq for $2 each! Bread and sausages! I already had $30 of alcohol to get through! I wasn't hungry, and I don't like eating much when im drinking... ANYWAY, we went down to the beach, and had a really nice time. It was a nice sunny day, and we ate and drank a lot... (As you can imagine)... Later in the evening a storm broke out, and we packed up our stuff and ran back into Bonnerlys place. I managed to cram a load of sausages and burgers into a plastic cup, and I rescued them for later ;) Drunken logic ay... After a few more drinks at the flat, we went to Beach Road Hotel (our old local club), and got smashed. I got a few more drinks, plus I tricked Ambika into drinking black Sambuca, which she hates, and I ended up spending over $100 more... So, I guess Cat can be forgiven lol... Kinda...

Ambika left to fly to Perth the next day, leaving just me and Cat looking for more work. Cat managed to get casual shifts at a company she used to work for (Nosh), and I got put back on the rota for my office removal work. Cat had to re-buy a load of uniform. She got some boots and said "These boots are perfect for Nosh"... psst, that's what she said!... Other than that, ive just signed up to an agency, and Cats also taken on working for accommodation at our hostel. She makes beds for a few hours, 3 days a week now. I wanted to work there too, but the manager only wanted female cleaners, and reception roles wernt available. I also had a night out with 3 guys I knew from the farm, but other than that, I might try to get my head down a bit, and start saving cash for Bali and onwards... (Key word is TRY)

So that's whats gwarning in Sydney right now blog fans. DOUBT they'll be TOO much to write about between now and my 30th in Baliiii! OH MY DAYZ - 30! Our plan after Bali is to go to Darwin and try to get work there. Also see a bit of the northern territory. Don't know if we'll ever be back in Sydney, and this makes me a saaaddd pandaaa... I worked at a Fujitsu office in Northern Sydney the other day. The views from there were AMAZING. It was at night and you could see the whole city lit up... I was early for work, so I waited there looking out, and getting nostalgic... I could see the Harbor Bridge, and I remembered walking across it with Cats parents over a year ago. I saw the hill where me, Mark and Shona drank goon and rang people up about house viewings. I saw the Westfield Tower, and remembered going up there with my old school mate Nick. And also had a great view of Luna Park, all lit up. And I remembered how good our Halloween night there was, and how good it was to have that big group of friends all there together. Ah, this city holds so many memories now, and has become a massive part of my life really... Emotional...

On that note blog fans...
Get yourself a good strong belt, because I have no idea what the future holds...
And youre gonna have ta keep them shorts TIIIIIGHT
For my NEXT - BREAKING - (possibly a 30th birthday special) - BLOG - NEWS!!!!

Zeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeep!!
(birthday presents accepted)
POW!!
xxx

Yellow Brick Road - part 3

Brace yourself blog fans. Coz Robbie G's about to blog all over your FACE... Yellow Brick Road - part 3 is heeerrrreee.... It's a bit late - I've checked the date - I hope it's great! For goodness sake!! CHECK IT OUT BETCHEZ!...

Last stop of the eastcoast before hitting Sydney was... BYRON BAY! Another place hyped up by the masses. Everyone that's been has nothing but praise for the little town. We were actually considering a visit to Surfers Paradise before Byron, but opted to spend more time here to see what the 411 was.... So... We arrived on a gray, cloudy day... Which was a bit worrying, as we had our 2nd skydive attempt booked in on the next morning. But we remained optimistic... We wondered around the small hippy town and looked at the shops. If you were looking for a tye-dye tshirt, or something with Bob Marleys face on, Byron had you covered. I bought a pair of trainers and some tracksuit bottoms... Neither were tye-dye or Bob Marley related.... We didn't do much on our first evening there, as we were getting up for skydiving the next day. I thought I'd get up even earlier to watch England vs Uruguay... (psst) After THAT disappointment, we walked to the bus stop to get picked up by the skydive company, and the weather was looking pretty gooood.... After getting there, signing in, and getting kitted up, I met the guy I was jumping out a plane with... It was some Man United fan with a big nose... He asked me where I was from and I said "England". Then he said "Cool!..... Where abouts are you from mate?"....(I swear I just told you?).... I was hoping he wasn't this forgetful when it came to pulling parachutes.
About 6 of us got in to the little plane. Cat hadn't seemed nervous or excited about the whole thing, and even before take-off she was all 'nonchalant' about it. But she was placed nearer the sliding doors and was gonna be jumping before me... I can't lie, I was shitting it a bit by this stage. We went up, and the views of Byron were amazing! We could see the whole town, beach, lighthouse, Bob Marley t-shirts, even some WHALES swimming in the ocean below us. Made me feel a lot less disappointed about the cancelled dive in Mission Beach...
The doors went up... NOW Cat was SHITTING BRICK! Ha! About 2 people went before her, then I saw her shuffled to the edge of the plane, and VROOOMP!! The suction took her... I didn't know whether to laugh of feel nervous for her, but I didn't have much time to dwell on it, as I was being shuffled next.... There was only one way down at this point... Sat on the edge of the plane, legs dangling for about 6 seconds, head back, then VROOMP... I was gone........
Opened my eyes, looked down, and there it was. Mother earth. And I was doing something very unnatural for a human being. But by this point... Fear had gone, and I was loving it! We had 60 seconds of free falling, and admiring the views, before the chute was pulled.... The first thing I said to the guy I was strapped to was "F*ck, thats the biggest wedgie of my life". Not exactly poetic, but my testicles were almost ground down to a powder... We floated down calmly, then landed safe on the ground next to Cat... Skydiving ticked off the bucket list! :) Hell yeeeeah...

We met up with Natalie after the dive, and she was playing tour guide to us again. She had been Byron once before with Shona... She recommended a walk to the lighthouse past all the nice beaches, and view points... We even got to see a bunch of humpback whales migrating again... Awesome as shiz... We went in the lighthouse, took photos, then strolled back for the evening... We didn't have much planned the next morning, so tonight was our night to get waste stained... That's when I found the biggest downfall with Byron... THEY DONT SELL GOON! :o ANYWHERE. What else is a decent backpacker supposed to drink with no gooooon!? We settled for cheap wine... Its no Fruity Lexia, but it does the job. After predrinks, we headed out... First thing we saw was a guy playing the banjo to a sheep... Yeah, a real, living, sheep in the middle of the street. Was a bit of a mind f*ck, but I have photo evidence, and it did actually happen... We went to a bar called Cheeky Monkeys. Its the most popular in town. We saw a bunch of the guys from Fraser Island there, so we hung out with them a bit too... Towards the end of the night, the bar staff started handing out free chips for everyone. In hindsight, it's a sad reminder that I'm back in NSW, and the drinking laws here SUCK! "Ooooh we don't want people intoxicated! Give them chips or they'll diieee!" So lame.... Of course this is all hindsight, and at the time I was loving life, shoving handfuls of fries down my FACE.... :o

Next morning - the girls got up early, and.went to one of the nicest beaches about. I decided to have a lie in, then met them with BBQ stuff later. Probably wasn't the best idea, as the bags weighed a ton, and the beach was further than i remembered... Was all worth it in the end though. Nothing beats a beach BBQ for a hangover cure... (Apart from swimming pools, magic water, and chocolate milkshakes) After spending the day there, we headed out for casual drinks at the "Railway Friendly Bar". I know it sounds like the gayest bar in town, but it's def not gay though blog fans... The building itself, is an abandoned railway station. You can see the tracks and platforms through the back windows. But what makes this place great, is the live bands they have playing there. When we were there, they had a folky, rock n roll type band playing. They were pretty sick... We didn't stay up too late, as we had a day trip booked to Nimbin for the next morning...

NIMBIN: "The Amsterdam Of Australia".
Stoners paradise... That's basically why people go there. Weed and weed cookies. Its pretty funky there, and has cool little hippy stores and markets. But no ever goes there JUST for that... Apart from me, Cat and Nats of course ;) I was innocently looking at a market stall, and a lady asked if I wanted some cookies... I was hungry, so I said "yes please". Coincidently, they were weed cookies... I was recommended to eat 1/2 a cookie at a time. So I had 3/4 - naturally... Cat and Natalie had just under 1/2. I think it effected me the most. Even though Natalie couldn't manage to step up a little brick wall for a photo afterwards, and just sat there and giggled about it. Pssst, Natalie... We took the rest back to Byron, and ate it before we watched "22 Jump Street" in the cinema. Unfortunately I didn't feel much of the effect until I left there. There was one part in the film, when they ate a cake full of a new drug called "WhyPhy" and they started tripping balls. Got me a bit paranoid that it was gonna happen to me whilst watching it lol. But I was cool... After spending the night with planet earths two loudest snoriners, we checked out of Byron for a night bus to Sydney. We hung around a while, and got some fruit for the journey. Cat got caught weighing everything as "carrots" at self-service to make things cheaper. Was proper embarrassing.... 14hrs later, we were back in Sydney...

Hello Sydney!
Feels good to be home! Arriving back here felt emotional... I remembered how I first came here over a year ago, and all the expectations I had when I first got here... We arrived at our old hostel we loved so much, Elephant. We spent many months here before, and was strange to be back. It looked so much cleaner! But it didn't take long for us to realize 80% of the showers and half the toilets were still not working. Ah, the memories. Emotional... Cat noticed she left her Kindle on the coach. We luckily got it back, but it's classic Cat.... We spent some time doing the old things we loved doing here. The walks, bars, and restaurants we liked. We then even visited our old place in Bondi! Our old home for half a year :( ... Emotional... It looked the same, but different... They had the mirror I bought, the shoe rack, all the dvds I got, even my big goon chalice that I used to drink from! ...Emotional!... Then - duh duh duh!! We get another visitor from home arriving to see us... AMBIKA!... Was the first time we saw her since the amazing surprise leaving party she organized for us in London... Emotional... We went out with her, got drunk, then woke up early to go back to the Blue Mountains....... Emotional...

Since then the rest of the time has been... Emotional... We had Rachel's birthday celebration, but also her and Shona, and Natalie, and Gemma and Roslyn all leaving... Forever...... Emotional!... Natalie has gone New Zealand, Shona and Rachel to Philippines, and Gemma and Ros back home. End of an error! Last few days we were busy with all the meeting up, BYOs, goodbye drinks, and plain ol goodbyes... It was pretty emotional... and then, they were gone... :( ... Ah emotions.... Since then, I've been playing tour guide for Ambika, and job hunting. Ambika might stay in Sydney a bit longer than expected. She likes it here... Obviously - we're here... But Cat and her might go off and do some more day and weekend trips from Sydney. Whilst I'm staying, and hopefully getting some cold hard cash for Bali :D

So... Guess that's all I gotta say for now. I'll let you know how the job hunt goes, and how Ambikas trip went (from my point of view - not hers) in my next blogtation... Keep one eye out, and one pair of shorts tight for that!

And if I don't see you through the week, I'll see you through the...ZAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAaaaaaaaa!!..........

(poof)

....I'm out like a rocket
x

Yellow Brick Road - part 2

Somewhere over the rainbow,
Way up hiiigghh.
There's a land that I heard of,
Once in a lullabbbyyy...

Oh what a world blog fans...
What a world...

But that's enough of my Wizard Of "Oz" references. Here comes part DEUX of my east coast shenanigannsss!

So, I left you last when I was traveling down from 1770 to Rainbow Beach, for FRASER!... The bus journey was a bit stressful. But only because I couldn't get my last blog to copy and paste for the fans to read... God I'm good to you blog fans. Took me 4hrs to copy... and... paste... ahh, bullshit technology...

Anyway... I got to Rainbow Beach in one piece, and that meant I was one day away from FRASER ISLAND! Everyone I spoke to hyped it up, but I was still pretty clueless about everything I was doing. So I had no expectations... We had a briefing the day before we left. It told us how to drive these 4wd trucks in the sand, and how to cover your nipples to protect you from dingo attacks (don't ask). It seemed like all we were doing on the island was driving around all day in these big trucks. I couldn't imagine what all the fuss was about... But it was bloody awesome blog fans! We were divided into groups of 8, and got to take turns driving the monster cars ourselves. I got lucky and had a really good section on the first day. Driving through the jungle area with some party tunes cranked up, loving life, bumping over logs, and crashing through puddles.. Saw a few dingos as soon as we got to the island. Think its probably the first wild ones I've seen. But Frasers wasn't all about cars and dingos, blog fans... It was also about getting SMASHED! We got back to the camp site, chose our tents, cooked, then got our drink on... I started with vodka, then port, then I got on to the goon... And that's pretty much all I know of that night... I think we played "F*ck The Dealer" and I also added on my own drinking game. Its basically where I say something like "I remember when I was in Sydney, and I drank it like this...." then I down a whole cup of drink... So it's not really a game... But luckily my German friend Marvin joined in too... Needless to say, I left the game prematurely, and CHUNDERED EVERYWHAA!.. I was experienced enough to puke outside our tent (unlike another girl who was playing with us). But the bad side to that was, I was rolling about in the woods a lot, and I ended up with a massive ant bite on my arse. Trust me, you don't f*ck about with the Aussie ants. I took a photo of my arse to see the bite, and it was massive (the bite was too :p) ... And i also think my arse needs a good shave. Its mad hairy son...

With all the puking, and the fact I passed out pretty early, I woke up with minimal hangover. We also got to visit "champagne falls" and have a lil swim there. Fresh as a daisy!! To make it even better, we then drove to a place where we can bottle up magic water from a fresh stream river (Eli creek). I filled up a massive barrel, and also sipped some straight from the stream... Magic water combats ALL hangovers blog fans ;) With that in mind, we went back to the camp and got totally SMASHED again! Haha! But this time I was able to stay up passed midnight. There was a "club" on the campsite called Winkies. I say "club" because it was just a round hut. Literally... No DJ, no bar, no bouncers, no entry fee, no anything... It was about as big as a bathroom and people just rocked up there, goon bags in hand, dancing about to peoples iPods plugged into the speakers... Its probably the best club I've been to in Australia blog fans... Honestly... There was a German guy there called Malte, who was having a 21st bday celebration. He was the only one to rival mine and Marvins drunkness. I felt it was our duty to get him retardedly smashed :) But we also had some other pretty awesome people to hang out with. Another good group peoples...

We woke up the next day after two hours sleep. But luckily we had magic water ;) We waited by the cars for the guide man to hear the days itinerary, but he wasn't happy... Apparently someone sneaked into his camp area, and stole his Captain Morgans whilst drunk last night lol. When we announced that, everyone looked at me, Marvin and Malte... But it wasn't us... We went to see another awesome lake. Then I got to drive along the beach, back to the ferry and on to the mainland... Had a leaving party, added friends to facebook, went to bed, bish bash bosh, another successful trip :)

...BEFORE this whole Fraser thing happened, we stocked up on food and drink for the trip. It was raining hard, and I was wearing trainers with no socks, and my feet got really wet. When I got back from shopping, I put my wet trainers in a plastic bag, zipped them in my backpack, and locked them away in storage for the 3 days we were away. Needless to say, when I got back my trainers STUNK! I smelt myself everywhere I went. A girl came into the dorm once and said "it smells like a bloody dead body in here!" Everyone else made a comment too... Yep, that was all me... I also stunk out the whole bus on our way to our next stop. So if you're reading this and you thought I stank like shit, then yeah, you were right... This is my confession.

Next stop: Noosa.... After Whitsundays, Castaway and Fraser, I was more in the mood to be checked into a hotel and chill out. But I arrived in Noosa bush camp for 3 days of camping and kayaking... fml... I'm too old lol... We looked round the camp site, and I was pleasantly surprised that they had a tv area, with a hard-drive full of movies, and the channels to watch the world cup games on. So I wasn't gonna miss England vs Italy... First day was cloudy, but we kayaked a good 15km down the creek. Was a bit "Deliverance" like... When we got back, i had a look on the hard-drive to see if they had Deliverance, but I had to settle for Paranormal Activity 3 and Finding Nemo... On the 2nd day I woke up early to watch England vs Italy... Was pretty emotionless with the result. We then had another kayak day. This time the sun was shining, and we had goon :) We tried to find a park that was marked on a map, but we couldn't be bothered to row all the way there. So we trespassed into someones back garden and sat on their bench for lunch :p Luckily, I don't think anyone was home... We left the camp the morning after. We were expecting to check-out at 8:30. Then cook toast and sausages for breakfast, and chill out in the tv room until the camp shuttle took us to the greyhound at 12:00. But they decided to cancel the 12:00 bus, just because they only had only 3 of us to take. Classic Australian unprofessionalism... So we had to rush around packing, no time to eat or wash, and obviously no apologies... Got the 8:45 bus, 20mins after waking up. Then had to sit around at the bus stop for ages. We could of booked the earlier greyhound if they warned us in advance... Mutha F*kkaz...

On the last couple of stops, I've noticed a lot of people have become more and more impressed by mine and Cats travel story. They can't believe how long we've been away, and how much we've got to go. Suppose we're seen as "real backpackers" now. But then again, we are a lot older than the average traveler here. And I hadn't done much at their age... People usually think I'm about 24, and Cat gets called "mum" a lot. Ha...

Anyway, back to city life! BRISBANE was our next stop... Me, Cat and Marvin decided we should go to the Australia Zoo aka Steve Irwin Zoo, whilst we're here. Went there in the first day and it was awesome. Saw croc shows, tiger shows, and it seemed like there was about 40 people in the whole zoo. So it was a really nice day out. Tiger show was amazing. Took about 900 photos of it, so you'll see that all on facebook soon... Day after that was our big reunion with Nats! :) She's been in Brisbane since we left for the farm. So she should be a good guide of the city... She took us to a cafe that was on a massive hill, with epic views of the whole city. Romantic. We then did a walk to a place called "Slaughter Falls", and I must say, it's the shittiest waterfall I've ever seen in my life... Waterfalls usually have WATER... that FALLS...... But no... After that we took a walk round Brissy, and had a "goodbye" meal with the guys Natalies been living with for the last few months. Natalie also had the idea to go cinema at 9pm to watch "22 Jump Street". She checked the listings for this cinema that only cost $6 per movie. So we kinda rushed our meal, and rushed to the cinema. Natalie then rushed her goodbyes, and we rushed to the ticket booth... Then we got there, and realised the movie was being released tomorrow..... Natalie checked tomorrows listings accidentally... PSST NATALIE! We ended up watching "Million Ways To Die In The West" it was ok... We probably laughed the most at the trailers of 22 Jump Street... Just because that was what we rushed our arse off to see, and now we're in the cinema to see a film none of us have ever heard of, or have any idea what its about... Classic Shmose...

The next morning we got up, said bye to my eastcoast drinking buddy Marvin, and hopped on the greyhound to our next destination. Marvins been replaced by Nats to accompany us to Sydney now. Not long now til we're back to our old stomping ground! Will be emotional... Dont REALLY know what's gonna happen when we get there. We got a lot of reunions to catch up with in Sydney, and even a special reunion from a very good friend from home ;) But this is all material for the next blog, blog fans! Bet you're DYING to hear what happens next!! :D

So, peace out rabbits....
Speak to you on the next "breaking blog news"...
Til then... Keep your shorts tight!

Byeeeeeee
Zeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeep!! x

Yellow Brick Road - part 1

Don't stop, never give up
Hold your head high and reach the top
Here's another blog that you have got
Writing great blogs for you!
(Writing great blogs now)

Yo yo blog fans! This is my story from Cairns to Sydney. Down the yellow brick road... The "blog diary" style of writing seemed to work well. So I'll try to write about the coast section by section. Instead of one big summary at the end... So, do your belt up tight! Coz it's gonna be a bumpy ridddeee!

So... I arrived in Carins by bus after leaving MORDOR, aka #Idontevenrememberthatname bullshit farm. It was a nice sunny day, and Cat was there waiting for me at the terminal with her friend Laura. We checked into a hostel in the middle of town, and went straight out for a pub dinner and catch up. Cat told me all the things thats booked for us, and our schedule down the coast. As I left it all up to her to organize, and I had no clue... Our first day trip was the Great Barrier Reef. Not a bad start ay? We got up early to set out for the day. We had 2 different dive spots to visit, and the sea and coral looked sexxxy from the boat... The snorkeling didn't go quite as "swimmingly". (See what I did there?) Cat was having a bit of a hissy fit as she asked for a wet-suit and they gave her an XXS. She got in it, just, but it was so tight she walked and swam like she was doing the robot or something lol. I was also having troubles with my mask. I kept getting water in my mouth. Then Cat switched her mask with mine, and she had the same problem with it. I went back to change it, and the guys kept saying our heads wernt up right, or its because of my tash, or any other excuse they could think of. Eventually I got a good one, and we were both able to have a decent swim on the 2nd spot we visited... To be honest, with the reputation the barrier reef has, I was expecting the colours of the coral and the fish to be more amazing. It was still a good day, but I reckon snorkeling in Mexico and Belize was just as good, or better. Maybe this boat didn't take us to the best spots. I heard some boats go way further out, but they go on over night trips. So, I dunno.. Other than the reef in Cairns, we checked up on my visa, and went to the lagoon. Which is a public pool / man made beach... My visa is still on hold and being investigated though... Hmmm...

After Carins we got the Greyhound bus to Mission Beach. We drove past other banana farms and rural areas. Bad memories... One guy got on with the worst b.o. EVER and sat right in front of us. So farm life is still managing to haunt me... Our main reason for being in Mission was SKYDIVING :) Was so excited. There wasn't much else at Mission, except a nice long quiet beach. We got up early on our first day, to get picked up by the skydive team. They took us to the base, and signed us all in and gave us safety talks etc. The group before us came back with massive grins telling us how good it was, and that we would love it. We then got our harnesses on, got video interviewed and photos taken by the crew and driven to the airport. It was all starting to sink in that we were jumping out of a bloody plane! As we got there, the crew said the clouds were getting a bit thick, but we should be fine to go in 15mins... We waited 15mins... 15mins turned to half an hour, half an hour turned to an hour... They then decided we should go back for lunch, then come back out later... FML blog fans. We got picked up at 7am and ended up waiting ALL DAY to jump, and it never happened! It was a bit depressing... We were so close and totally psyched, and Mission Beach is supposed to be one of the world's best skydive spots. With views of Dunk Island and the Barrier Reef below it, and then landing on the beach. We ended up rescheduling it for Byron Bay, which I'm sure will be great, but... im still a little bit pissed lol.

We were scheduled to leave Mission Beach the next day... The weather was perfect... Perfect for skydiving... FML... I was starting to feel my sinus infection flaring up. I usually get problems with it 3 or 4 times a year, and I was due some illness... Just seemed to rub salt in the wound a little more. But I was happy anyway, as we were off to see MAGNETIC ISLAND. The place was best. And a perfect place to get over farming or illness. We checked into Base hostel, which was right on a beach, with a pool, a bar, little cabins, great views, and it was the perfect place to either chill out, or have some drunken fun. We also spent a lot of time on the island going on walks to different bays and different view points. It was really nice. I even found a $50 note on the floor one day! I never find money! I felt a bit guilty and thought I might get bad karma, but there was no one around to claim it... I fed a possum some left over food one night. They're ridiculously tame. But it accidentally bit my finger, so I reckon that's the karma "biting back". I was hoping I wouldn't get a disease or more Ill, but so far I've only had diarrhea... We met some really cool people in Magnetic. We should be seeing them more. On our last day a few of us walked to a night market, which took about an hour longer than I expected. When we got there we ate, and saw a TOAD RACE. People were actually betting on which toad will win. They even gave the toads names, coloured ribbons, nationalities and everything! Made me remember I really am on the other side on the world...

One ferry and one Greyhound bus later, we arrived in Airlie Beach. Its most famous for the WHITSUNDAYS boat trips, which is why we were there too. But I actually liked Airlie itself. The town was small with everything you need on one strip. Subway, McDonald's, bars, pubs, clubs, and lots of cheap shops. In fact, the whole town was pretty cheap. Kinda like a holiday in Spain where everything down the strip is competitively priced. They also have a SICK lagoon there too. Cairns lagoon was nice, but this was better... Anyway on the 2nd day we set off for 3 days and 2 nights, sailing around the Whitsundays on a boat called "Spank Me". The captain assured everyone this was not a party / sex boat, and "spank me" actually meant it was fast, and it was a challenge to other boats to beat it in a race... Seemed unlikely to me. Wasn't really in the mood to be on a boat full of young drunk arrogant guys, trying to impress girls and showing off etc. But the group we had and the staff on board were actually perfect. 26 people and 3 staff. Everyone was really cool... We went on a few snorkeling trips on the first day. Technically, we were still in the southern part of the Great Barrier Reef, but I would actually say this part was a lot better snorkeling. Most people I've spoken to don't necessarily agree, so maybe we just had a crap boat in Cairns. On the 2nd day on the boat we visited WHITEHAVEN BEACH. This is probably only one of three or four beaches in the world I really wanted to visit, even before I left the UK. It was the SEX! It was actually SEXUALLY AROUSING... Definitely the best beach ive ever seen in my life. And I'm about 90% sure I'll never beat Whitehaven. Def didn't disappoint. We all got woken up early on the final day to go snorkeling with turtles! Its only the 2nd time ive ever done this, and I love it. "I like turtles!" As the little zombie American kid would say. All in all, the Whitsundays was awesome... An after party was arranged by the staff as we left the boat, back at Airlie. So I started drinking all my left over booze from the boat at 6pm. I then met everyone else at the first bar for free pizza and drinks at 7:30. Then between 8pm and 5am, things got a lil strange... A girl invited a load of us round her hostel for drinks, but when we got there she was locked in the bathroom, passed out with some guy. I then realized I somehow had about 900 raffle tickets in my pocket for a $100 prize. But the pub seemed to close 10mins before the draw was due. By this time, the remaining 5 or 6 of us decided to sit in a park and drink someones left over goon. Gangster... We got interrupted by the friendliest policeman ever, who seemed to let us drink the last cup or two before sending us off. We then went to the only club open, danced like special kids, and ended up in McDonald's eating all the world cup themed hamburgers they had... Good night... On the last day I just wondered from place to place chatting to anyone with a 2ltr bottle of choccy milk. I seemed to know everyone in town. Felt popular :p I battled the hangover til midnight, then caught a 9hr night bus to our next town...

Cue the town of "1770"... (Yeah, that's its actual name). We checked in to a hostel called "Cool Bananas". A lot of online reviews said the hostel owner was a dick... Couldn't of said it better myself blog fans. Only a hour or two after checking in, he came straight up to me, and asked my name and room number. So I told him. He then stood next to us, flicking through all his reservation cards for 10mins and asked everyone on our table which rooms they were in. One German friend said "I'm not actually staying here tonight". And the owner basically told him to piss off in the rudest, most unnecessary way. Then he said "I knew there was a strange vibe about this table" like we were hiding something! It was in the middle of the day and we were having a casual chat. The whole hostel was full of "cliquey" long termers anyway. So it wasnt the most welcoming place... Got up early the next morning for the CASTAWAY tour. Two nights on a lonely, deserted island... Sounds bit like farm work really... I set an alarm, but some chubby girl in the bunk below me woke me up with her farts... Three very loud panty ripping ones. So I was wide awake... We got picked up by Bruce the pilot. He was flying us to the castaway island. The flight was awesome! The views and everything were beautiful, but he also did some craazzyy stunts to make us shit ourselves. At one point he even cut off the engine and let us freefall for a couple seconds! He loved it... he has a youtube page of him filming girls jiggling in the plane called "Bruce's Bouncing Boobs"... But he's probably the nicest pervert you'll ever meet blog fans... The island experience itself wasn't really very "castaway" like. We all had tents, lighters, food, alcohol, nice beach... No hunting or shelter building was necessary. We did a few walks and saw big lizards and wild turkeys, kayaked on the beach, and we all helped cook together by the fire like a family... We also played drinking games with goon - naturally... The only problem there was the sand flies and mosquitoes. The mozzies were bad, but the sand flies were relentless! On the last day, 3 of us got up to kayak towards the sunrise and see dolphins... But we didn't really see anything too interesting... We got picked up from the beach by Bruce again, and checked back in to Cool Bananas. The owner hassled me again, more long term pricks, bad people, bad vibes, bad times... Natalie told me and Cat it was her favorite hostel on the eastcoast when she was here... psst Natalie...
We finished our time in 1770 with a beach bbq with everyone from the castaway island - GOOD people, GOOD vibes, GOOD times... psst Natalie... :D

So that's basically what's happened in the last couple of weeks blog fans! Our next stops Fraser Island which everyone told me will be AWESOOMMEE. Might be a lot of blogtastic things happening, so I'll split the eastcoast trip into 2 or 3 blogs... I think I'll leave it there for now though... Tune in for the continuation of this yellow brick road voyaaggee...

Til then...
Keep those shorts TIIIIIIIGHT

Zeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeepu!!!

Cha x

We Are Farmers: Diary 4

Who hates farm work?
I hate farm work!
Is it truuueee??
Mmmm hmmmm
I do I do I do I doo-ooooo

So blog fans! Here comes my 4th and LAST blog diary from MORDOR aka Lakeland Australia. That means 4 months on this isolated patch. 1/3 of a year... That basically means if Lakeland was a COUNTRY, It would be the country ive stayed in LONGEST (except the rest of Australia). That means ive been living on this little farm patch longer than Brazil, longer than Mexico, Argentina, even New Zealand and USA! So smack my arse and call me Charles! Here comes the last 4 weeks of banana madness.THIS IS THE END.


WEEK 13:

Started this week a bit happier than usual. Must be coz I can finally see a light at the end of the tunnel! The weathers starting to change here now to dry season. Which ironically means its getting colder. Well, the mornings are a bit nippy, but thats about it. The day times are actually a bit hotter! Less clouds, less rain. We're bringing in ice lollies to eat on our 3rd break. Swear down, when i open that juicy wrapper, that farm sees a smile like its never seen before blog fans. The flies are out in force again... Molesting. Every time i need a pee in the paddocks about 8 land on my penis. But thats how these dirty lil buggers roll init blog fans... Also, wasps. The paddock we're in at the moment has a major wasp problem. Its quite funny though coz i get a couple stings a day, usually on my head or hands. But Cat averages about 6 a day, and its ALWAYS on her arse! Ha! IIts like a Looney Toons cartoon when the character runs away and the wasps follow him, stinging him up the arse as he screams and jumps up, grasping it. Classic Shmoseby. Wasp stings wernt Cats only problem this week though. She cut her finger open pretty bad on the knife. She always seems to wanna impress other workers by cutting as fast as she can like a maniac. I told her to chill out, but she didnt listen... Classic Shmoseby. The cut was quite deep. It pissed a lot of blood, and i thought it might need stitches. But its just been bandaged up for now. The farm was never gonna drop her to the local hospital, nearly 2hrs away were they. We'll see how that heals.

Cat did get some good news this week though. Her payslip seemed to be a lot higher than she expected. She went in to clean the shed on Easter monday for a few hours as the usual girl wasnt here - and she got paid $45 an hour for it! Crazy shizzle! I hear how Australians get paid well on holidays, but wasnt expecting that from a farm. Especially just to hose the floor. So that was good...

I got in a bit of an argument with the accommodation manager on Thursday. I came in from work and a couple German boys pointed out a notice saying that a toilet was left muddy by work boots and several people were getting fined as they were seen on camera with boots on. I was one of these people on the list, and it kinda pissed me off. When i saw him at shop time, he brought it up to me infront of everyone, and i think he was a bit surprised that i didnt bend over for him. I basically told him its bullshit, and if the camera saw me with boots on, it would also show i didnt go anywhere near the toilets. I also suggested that he probably saw who it was, but wanted to fine extra people just so he could pocket extra money. Then it got a bit heated and it ended up with him shouting at me to pack my bags and get out. I said "fine, ill need 24hrs notice thanks" and shut the door in his face... People seemed to think i was angry with him, but i just had to get my point across. People seem to assume that nice people can be pushed around. Im used to that. Im allowed to stand up for myself. It all ended with him apologizing to me saying he didnt like how i refused to pay infront of others, and everyone might jump on the bandwagon. But he brought it up publicly, and i thought i handled better than him. Plus im still here, not evicted, so... winning...

Cat had the opportunity to go horse riding on an other girls farm on Friday. So she stayed there. I came home, turned down drinking, turned down smoking, and just listened to music on my bed all night whilst on facebook and writing this :) Thats how im rolling... We might be able to get a lift to Mareeba this weekend. They have a Coles supermarket there, and possibly somewhere to buy a new camera. Only people who have lived in a place like this for 3 months can appreciate how exciting this is. Otherwise im just happy its another week down!... Braps


WEEK 14:

Hello week 14. What you saying? It started off pretty good actually. I got up early on Saturday morning to go down to the waterfalls with a load of the guys from the accommodation... Sounds a lot gayer than it actually was though blog fans. Was a hot day, so why not go and frolic in the waters? In the evening i went to the pub with Cat and a couple others to have a few quiet drinks. Had half a bottle of red, then half a bottle of white. Then i helped unload a few crates of beer to get a free drink... i chose wine - again. Dunno why im drinking so much wine. I dont really like it... Anyway, we did manage to get a lift to Mareeba on Sunday. Oh my God it was good to get out! They had a Coles, Reject Shop, Subway, Tarrjaayyyy (aka Target). Never have i been so happy to wonder round shops. We got enough bits to hopefully see us through the rest of our stay here. I think that goon from a few weeks ago has still got an effect on me, as i found myself in the soup isle for a good 10mins... Got a good handful of soups lol. Coming back in the car we got to see the sun setting over the miles and miles of trees and hills towards Lakeland. Made me think this place wouldnt be so bad if we wernt trapped here with no car. Made Cats idea of buying a car seem SLIGHTLY better. But still wrong. Cats always wrong... Never listen to Cat...

Work continued from where it left off last week. I saw a MASSIVE wasp nest in one of the trees. I got my phone out and tried to stick my hand close to it to take a close up photo... And got stung pretty bad. But i got the photo so its allll gooood. Lots of Tree Frogs. They love me - I love them. I save their lives on a daily basis coz we bros like dat... Cats finger seems to of healed pretty well. Shes still nuts with that knife though. She was talking to someone and waving the knife around, and almost cut my Johnson off. She scratched my pubic hair region with a razor sharp knife. 2 inches lower i would of been Roberta Gurney. No worries though blog fans, Mr Johnson lives on.

Theres a load of contractors brought in to help cut down one of the paddocks this week. We realised one of the guys was a guy we knew from Tully when we first tried to get farm work there. He was also struggling to find work and running out of time on his visa back then. So its nice to see we wernt the only ones to get lucky.

Talking about getting lucky...(with visas)... CAT has her 2nd year Aus visa granted! Yayyy... She filled in the forms online last weekend and she got a pretty swift response and acceptance. That just leaves me... She also filled in my form for me, but im being "investigated"! WTF... Would happen to me wouldnt it. Apparently 1 in 6 visas get investigated, which means i have to prove ive been working on a farm for over 3 months by scanning bank statements, and work forms and loads of other shit basically. Looonngggg... Hopefully it'll be sorted by next week.

Finished the working week with one session on the kerosene gun... Looooonnnnggg!!....


WEEK 15:

After that long arse session kerosening. We got a lift straight from work, to a work mates house. She invited us a while back and we thought we'd stay over this friday. Shes a German girl called Corina who has been working for accommodation at this place, and she said it was really nice... Even though she did mention the previous owner hanging himself there... When we got there we were greeted by 4 crazy hyper, but friendly dogs, and the house was really really nice! It was a proper hippy shack with a outdoor shower and drop toilet. Half the house was just open planned with no walls. The kitchen was technically outside with a shelter over it. I loved it there though. Was so chilled out and nice to be around dogs that reminded me of my own. We walked down to the end of the garden, past all the trees and vegetable patches, and came to a nice clean river. The water is actually drinkable, and thats what they use in the house. Proper super hippy, trust... But we had a nice long swim down the river. Just the 3 of us and one of the dogs. He did well following us all the way. Was so nice. Felt proper backpackery... We had a few drinks and vegetarian pizza. Then had a lil casual smoke and chatted whilst Corinas friend played her guitar and sang... So super hippy. We then fell asleep on the couch with one of the dogs.

In the morning Corina gave us a lift to Cooktown to see the markets there... I did a poo at IGA, as i was scared to use the drop toilet at night. She then dropped us home. After that Cat was invited to go horse riding again with her other friend, and to go for a sea food bbq. I was technically invited too, but i was happy to chill out back at our place.
On Sunday i played football with the other guys here then stayed up late to watch the final games of the premiership. So on Monday i was pretty tired and moody all day :) Tuesday was a bit better. Felt good as it was our ONE YEAR IN AUS ANNIVERSARY! Didnt do anything to celebrate it, but still, one year mayn... Theres been a game changer at work as well. Every Thursday the farm cooks us a BBQ lunch! :) Eggs, bacon, and sausage sandwiches. Pretty nice of them. Shame it starts 3 weeks before we go. Boo... Ive been waking up in the night nearly every night. My hand seizes up in claw and aches from so much clutching of the knife. Its like the claw from Liar Liar has possessed it. The claaawww!! Its bit strange...


WEEK 16:

Ok blogs fans... Its the last bloody week! You and I both thought id be ECSTATIC about this. But the blogs about to change for the more serious... Basically at the end of week 15, mine and Cats relationship came under some problems... I mentioned in the last blog that things were getting rocky. But now theyre Balboa Rocky. Theyre more rocky than a horror show... Anyway. This might come as a bit of a shocker. But Cat and I agreed that we need space, and to take time away from each other. So... We decided she should leave the farm early, and leave me here to complete this last week alone. This aint the place to deal with relationship issues, and we need time apart. The plan for the moment is just to have a break for this week, and we'll meet up in Cairns after im done here to do the east coast as planned. Theres no anger between us, and im sure we're able to enjoy each others company next month...

Went into work with a fresh prospective. Breathing in the fresh country air. Looked at the trees that i weeded in my first couple weeks (when the big boss had a go at me). They were huge trees with bananas now. When i weeded them over 3 months ago they were waist height! My babies have grown up so fast :')
I got to do some different jobs during the week. Did "spading" (digging out roots) "de-leafing" (cutting off leaves) then i got to teach a new guy from Belgium how to do kerosening and cutting. Hes the guy taking over from me, poor bastard. Theres not much to teach. "Cut! Cut! Cut! Squirt! Squirt! Squirt!" The "Thats what she said" jokes came rushing right back into action. Was busy during the week, getting ready for the big escape. Thursday was my penultimate day. Felt a bit bitter sweet as i was leaving here alone. Wasnt how i envisioned it. As Alexander Supertramp said "Happiness is only real when shared". Luckily, that night i had a few beers and spliffs with some of the guys here. Had a good time. Got the giggles coz one of the Taiwanese boys cooked garlic bread and meat pie every morning for breakfast lol. Like thats even a breakfast, and they go together! After that i got the munchies and made garlic bread myself. I presented it to everyone on a serving tray like it was a roast beef with gravy, potatoes, and veg. In reality it was just a dried up peice of bread. But try telling that to a salivating stoner. I shared it out, so it didnt really fill me up. 10mins later - i made... a meat pie! Haha... Went together pretty well actually :)

Went in for my FINAL HALF DAY!!.. Still feeling pretty stoned. Had to be careful how i swung that knife. Finished off with cutting then a last 20mins of kerosening. Fitting finish really...

So!... THIS IS IT! Like Micheal Jackson! Time to travel down the yellow brick road of the east coast. Cat would have to be Dorothy. Not sure about me. Not really in the need of a brain, heart or courage... Maybe ill be a new character. Like a pigeon... Looking for a soul... As mines been absolutely anally SODOMIZED here... A souless pigeon with no personality lol... best.

As i write this im sitting on the over-priced bus. I was planning to get a lift, then i planned to hitch hike, then... i saw the bus... So, $64 for peace of mind i guess. Im looking out of the window, at the rolling hills and green for miles. Mixed emotions. Its like that last day of school when everyone gets a bit upset... But i thought that was bullshit. Everyone only remembers the good things. But high school sucked! And i still think it sucked arse! And even though i had some decent times in Lakeland, and i might of been a bit negative... Most of Lakeland sucked arse. Most of it was bullshit... No, Lakeland is THEE bullshit!

So thank you Lakeland...
I mean f*** you Lakeland

Here comes traveling
Here comes reality
Here comes life
Here comes happiness
Here comes the EAST COAST!
IM GHOSSSTTT!!!

Zooooooooooiiiiiiii uponyaface!! xxx

We Are Farmers: Diary 3

Good morning blog fans.
Afternoon?
Evening?
No, wait, time is an illusion?
Wait, this isnt life? What? We're just a dream?
Ok, yeah...
Here comes blog diary number 3.....


WEEK 9:

Week 9 has been a test. Test of everything. Living here is starting to feel a bit like a Big Brother pressure house. No escape. Everyones business is out in the open, and everyones relationships are being tested. Including mine and Cats... We've been having problems too. Dont wanna get into too many details about it to be honest blog fans. Lets just say its been very "testing" times...
On a positive note, the sunsets and sunrises have been nice lately(!).. Yeah, i actually just said that... Suppose works been ok too. Im enjoying cutting the trees down. The trees im cutting haven't been marked out for me anymore, so i have to decide which are the best trees to chop or keep myself. Sounds riverting doesnt it... But to be honest, come Sunday, im actually LOOKING FORWARD to working on Monday. That shit Gray.. Andy Gray. The 4 day Easter weekend is coming up soon. Four days without work will actually be HELL. I didnt come travelling to say STUPIDNESS like that mayn. Just gotta think of all the positive things that are yet to come when we leave here... Aint got not much else to say for this week blog fans... This week can suck - my - BALLS


WEEK 10:

Double figures now blog fans! No, im not a celebrity, but please get me the hell outta here! I started the weekend doing my favorite thing in Lakeland - drinking, smoking, and burning shit on the bonfire. I sat with some of the guys, just jamming under the stars, talking about stuff only high people do. Like building a spaceship that can hold a whole city, so after several generations, they can report back on what theyve found. Licked lol... On Sunday Cat, Laura, Alex and I, got kayaks out on the lake. Was a bit nervous coz we knew theres crocodiles out there. I reluctantly paddled to the island in the middle. But during my short voyage, i spotted a floating thing that looked a bit like a log. I was hoping it was a log - I stopped paddling and observed - Then i realized, the log had a yellow eye which was looking at me... Then i realized, even though i stopped paddling, the kayak didnt stop moving, and i was heading right for this bloody crocodiles head! Luckily it shuffled off quickly. Then i turned my kayak round, and shuffled back even quicker...

Ive been rotating jobs on farm this week. Been cutting, kerosening and stringing. Its quite good to rotate. But when kerosenings part of the rotation, Id rather not thank you. Stringing aint much better. Actually... I take that back. Kerosening is worse than testicle torture. I know in my last blog i said id rather cut the trees, and get stung by bees (rhyme all the time) well, i do get stung a lot, and i love it! Id rub honey all over my body and cut trees NAKED to get away from kerosening. Every sting reminds me how lucky i am.

In general im in a more positive mood this week though. This place is making me a bit bi-polar at the moment. Its like a "love - hate" relationship. Except id say its more "LIKE - hate" than "LOVE - hate". Maybe im feeling a bit better coz i see there might be a return for my favorite arm-pit singer... Thats right blog fans! Susan Boil is baaacckk!! Back with a vengance for her softmore album! Cats not too happy about it, but haters gon hate, ya'nah mean blog fansss! ...Shes just being a bit selfish about it...

ANYWAY... Time to get to the juicy bit. "CYCLONE ITA." You know shits Gray when the weather forcast has a name. We were warned about a cyclone a couple days back. Its like the 3rd or 4th time we've heard this since arriving. But this shiz is the real deal! A lot of people have left the area, fuel has sold out, its on all the news all the time, and its heading RIGHT FOR US. Im a bit nervous. We stay in a little cabin, which im a bit sceptical about standing in the eye of a category 5 cyclone. Its seperate from all the other rooms here which are under shelters, so im gonna try to move us into a safer room. Theres rumors that its the most powerful storm in Australian history, and all the farms here are expected to be destroyed, and theres a chance we might loose jobs. We have a bit of a community atmosphere going on here at the moment, like the worlds coming to an end. All together on one table drinking.

Even writing this blog feels like it might be in vain lol. Its just a waiting game now blog fans... :)


WEEK 11:

Ah ah ah ah staying alive, staying alive!.... Last night i managed to grab a few valuables, and took shelter in one of the abandoned rooms. Seemed a lot safer than ours. Went to bed about half an hour before the actual storm hit. Cat had already passed out by then. She got up in the middle of the night to go toilet. I asked what the hell was she doing - she didnt respond, and left... I was like "Nice knowing ya mate..." Expected her to be blown away like the Wizard Of Oz (Ha, "Oz") But i think where we were was pretty sheltered from the wind. Wasnt as bad as what everyone expected. Nothing broken, no one harmed. It was basically, a really really windy and rainy night... We were told the farms are only expected to be 25% damaged. So we should still be in a job this week :)

Went in on Monday, and the damage on the farm wasnt too bad. I reckon less than 25% I should be happy that its a 4 day week, but im not. And the fact that im not happy, makes me more unhappy. Its a snowball of unhappiness... But the sunsets are nice(!) :D After the cyclone, the weather was a total mofo. Got really really hot and a load of flying little beetle things came out like a bloody plague. More or less got raped by the sun at work on Monday, then raped again by the rain Tuesday.. Talking about rape - me and Cat had convos about animals sex lives whilst cutting at work.
She reckons only humans have sex for pleasure. Animals only have sex to repopulate... Bullshit. Why would a dog hump your leg then? It fancies having a half dog half denim son? If sex wasnt pleasurable, and felt more like a kick to the balls, would a female dog say "I know you hate sex Rex, but i think its time we settle down and start a family." Ich dont think so blog fans...

The bosses decided to move me from the usual job to help cutting down the rest of the trees damaged by the cyclone. I got a machete to swipe them all down. The damage was a lot worse in the paddocks further behind us. Cat got moved indoors. Machetes are only for the manliest of men init ;) She managed to drop a heavy thing on her toe. It looked pretty broke to me. But its probably not. Shes soldiered on, and went back outside to continue anyway. So im proud of her for that.

At the end of the week, one of our work mates was sacked for no apparent reason, and our 2 house mates decided to leave. Good for them - im jealous. Their visa was done, so leaving is an excllent choice as my friend Dacky would say... I need to get wasted. Its been a long time since ive been proper smashed. I even started my own company round here - "Robs Drunken Deliveries". Its when i cook for others when theyre drunk. I cooked someones nuggets and fish fingers for them for $20. Nice bit of business. Not exactly what you would expect from Robbie G though, is it. But then again, im not really feeling myself here anyway.


WEEK 12:

ONE MORE WEEK AND WE GET OUR VISA!! But first things first blog fans... I said i wanted to get wasted on the weekend... Didnt disappoint. Everyone started the long weekend drinking on one of the tables outside. So i strolled down there with my 4ltr box of goon (cheap boxed wine). Everyone was JOKINGLY saying "That should last you a couple hours Rob!" "That your drink for the night then Rob!?".... (You can see where this is going blog fans)... I wasnt planning on drinking 4ltrs of goon to myself. You dont plan these type of things blog fans. But sometimes, shit happens... I carried my box down to the bonfire and sat it in a crate of ice. I remember speaking to 2 Taiwanese girls and a Taiwanese boy for about an hour. Which is a bit concerning as their English is like "hello" "goodbye" "thank you". God knows what we were chatting about for so long. Then all i remember is squeezing the last drop of goon from its bag, stumbling back, and chundering EVERYWHA! Grass, patio, sink, and even a bit in my bed... Now i remember saying in Peru i had the worst hangover of my life - but we now have a new heavy weight champion blog fans! Ive never in my LIFE woken up after a sicky night drinking, and continued puking. Game changer. Had a bit of water - puked. Ate 3 grapes - puked. Then, when i had nothing to puke up, que mr diarrheas grand entrance! Was pretty Gray to say the least.
Went the whole day with only eating those 3 grapes (well, tried to) It might of been the Easter weekend, but that def wasnt a "good friday". The rest of the weekend all i ate was one meal of soup and bread a day, and a few cookies here and there. I was like a weird alien that only ate soups and had to stay in rooms with air-con on to sustain my alien body temperature. Safe to say, i did nothing that 4 day weekend but trying to recover. Best.

Got a 3 day week at work this week. Then another 3 day weekend coming up. My enthusiasm for that is at about 2/10. Doing pruning at work this week for some reason. Its the most pointless job ever. The Aussie guy i was working with saw a big bat on a bunch of bananas on my row and he didnt tell me. I walked right up to the bunch to prune it, and shat myself. When it moved i thought it was a massive tarantula crawling up it or something. The Aussie guy, then did what any good Aussie redneck would do... He killed it. I told him not to, and I walked away hoping the bat would fly off. But no... Kind of annoys me when people kill animals for no reason. But ive seen it a lot here and kinda gotten used to it now.

The 3 day week flew by. You know what that means blog fans!? 3 months completed!! That means our 2nd year visa should be granted once we apply. The reason i dont sound more excited is because we're sticking around here for another month. Ill tell you why at the end of the blog...

We decided to go pub on the thursday to celebrate the 3 month thing. Quarter of a year in this soul sucking bitch of a town. Elton John says its "No Sacrifice" but it bloody is blog fans. A big sacrifice for the greater good. We shared a sea food basket at the pub and had a few drinks. I only wanted 1 or 2, but Cat had the bank cards, so it ended up being 8 or 9. Still wasnt really in the mood to drink after last weekend. Came home and 2 other guys here asked if i wanted a smoke with them. So we drove down to the lake to hit up a bong in the car. After the 3rd or 4th bong, i thought... "whisky and weed doesnt mix too well". I kinda zoned out for 20mins then got driven back up to the accommodation. I opened the door.. took 3 or 4 steps.. then chundered EVERYWHAAA!! Again! I dunno what happened coz i hadnt really drunk or smoked THAT much, but my mind was TRIPPING like a bitch blog fans! I swear to you, ive never experienced anything like it. I started having mad flashbacks and deja vu. But it wasnt things from a few years ago, i was bringing back memories that were out of memories reach. Like things from when i was 3-4 years old. Things people just dont remember. My old house, my old bed, bathroom, words my parents said to me, old OCD traits i used to have i started doing again. I started saying "this has all happened before, its all happened already" then I told Cat my minds been reset to when i was 3 and i hope its normal when i woke up lol. So that was pretty Gray. Feel like i never have to experience taking harder drugs now. Coz that shiz felt like i just smoked CRACK lol... I can assure you it wasnt though blog fans... So yeah... Ive lost a bit of weight recently. Anyone wanting to shed some extra pounds, try the Robbie G diet... (You may experience side effects)

The morning after i woke up ok actually. The manager here, Dhillon, offered to give lifts to Laura. Which is a town not far from here full of Aboriginals. We went to play cricket with some of the school kids and teachers there. Ive never really played cricket, but playing it is a lot better than i thought it would be. There wasnt many of us, but was good still. As there wernt many people, there was HEAPS of sausages, bread, and steak sandwiches we could take home. ("Heaps" is my Aussie slang - dont watch dat). So that was a successful afternoon. We stopped off at this big rock on the way home. We hiked up there to see the Aboriginal art work on the caves etc. Its probably the most cultured thing ive done in Australia sadly. Ive missed doing things like that. The rest of the weekend we wernt up to much. Cat kayaked again, and i went round raping everyones hard-drives for music and movies...

So yeah... 3 months done. Hopefully a 2nd year visa in Aus on its way soon. We've also just booked a package deal that will take us down the east coast from Cairns to Sydney. We're staying here on the farm for another month (fml), then life begins again :)
We've booked The Barrier Reef, Sky dives, Boat trips, Whitsundays, Cast Away islands, etc etc. Gonna meet up with Nats again in Brisbane, then head down together for reunions with everyone else. Cant wait!! So thats the reason for us to stay this extra month. It worked out with timings to meet Nats and also see Shona and Rachel just before they leave for Asia and England. Plus a bit of extra cash. The countdown starts now... Bad news is another month of soul destruction - Good news is one more month of blog diary madnessss! Who knows what shenanigans we'll get up to this month blog fans :D

Thanks for reading and being my virtual pyschiatrists. Much lurve to you all.

Ill seal this with a wet sloppy french kiss...

Keep your shorts tighter than tight... Spankable tight ;)

Zoooooop!! x