F*CK THE
POLICE!!! F*CK THE POLICE!!! Don’t worry blog fans... Im not taking part
in a violent protest. I’m just quoting The Hangover Twoooo! Which is a pretty
appropriate way to start this... BREAKING... BLOG... NEEEEWWWWSSSS!!!
I was typing
up my last blog from the comfort of my night train bed, from Nong Khai to
Bangkok. It wasn’t bad actually. Different from the night trains in China... We
had 2 tier bunk beds instead of 3, no one was smoking in your face, and the
Thai people seemed to manage to aim their shit accurately down the trains drop
toilets... Unlike their Chinese counterparts :/ We got off the night train in
the early hours, and got the subway to our hostel... When we got out of the
station, we walked through the infamous Soi Cowboy street. Which featured in
the riot scene of Hangover 2 (Hence the intro). Its basically a stereotypical,
sleazy, dirty, little lane in Bangkok, full of bars, clubs, and prostitutes...
As we walked through it, just after sunrise at 6am... we could see all the mess
left behind from the night before, the smell all the alcohol, all the piss...
And we thought... “Yep! We’re in the right place!” :D
Considering
our first visit to Bangkok, a few weeks ago, was mostly filled with sightseeing
and diahhrea... We thought this time around, we’ll hit it up Hangover 2 style!
:D In the evening me, Cat, and our new friend Martijn, drank a cheap bottle of
rum on the trains, and headed towards the Lebua Hotel. This is where the very
famous (and expensive) sky bar is, where they made that phone call in the
beginning of the movie. “It happened again...” We went to a different rooftop
bar the last time we were here, that was considered the “best rooftop bar in
Bangkok” according to some shoddy magazine or something... But this one was
much better... Not quite as posh as the other place... Probably because the
movie has attracted all the backpacking riff raff :p Not me obviously though blog
fans... It was BLOODY EXPENSIVE!... BUT, when we convert it into AUD, and then
GBP... Its not THAAAT bad lol.... I opted for their signature cocktail, the
“Hangovertini”... How could I resist? A $24 cocktail to wash down a $8 bottle
of rum :p The views were the sex. Again, photos wouldn’t of done it justice...
But as one drink was enough for our budget, the next natural step for us to
take... was... PING-PONG!! Why not!? I love a good game of ping-pong ;) We
walked around the streets, looking for a good bar to play ping-pong in, and a
strange old man recommended a place called “Super Pussy”... I thought... “I’ve
never heard of this new mysterious feline super hero!?” LOL!... And when we
walked in blog fans... I WAS SHOCKED AND DISGUSTED! :-0 No ping-pong there, no
ping-pong at all! :-0 We thought we might as well sit down, and have one
beer... We were starting to sober up, so we kinda HAD to... Our friend Martjn
got invited to help a charming young lady perform a magic trick... He pulled a
bright UV ribbon from the lady... and it kept going... and going... and
going.... :/ After the disappointment of the ping-pong tournament cancellation,
we decided to go. Cat was really wanted to stay, but a 7/11 burger, and a mini
bottle of vod to share, cheered her up....
Hopped on the train to the next stop of our Hangover 2 tour, and finally
hit “Soi Cowboy”! Which is a street where the flashback, and riot parts of the
movie was filmed... “F*CK THE POLICE! F*CK THE POLICE!”... It was cool.... All
lit up like an Asia Christmas tree... I was expecting loads of bars and clubs
down there. But in reality, It was 2 bars with live music, and about 400 strip
clubs lol... We got a few more drinks, couple shots, then called it a night...
Long day blog fans....
If day 1 was
meant to be Hangover 2 day... Day 2, was meant to be An Idiot Abroad day :D We
didn’t really fancy paying $20 each for the Royal Palace... We have plenty more
palaces to come in India... So we thought we would try to see the Siriraj
Hospital. Which has a museum where you can see some pretty controversial and
wieerrrdddd shit... In An Idiot Abroad, Karl Pilkington was looking at a
preserved body of a murderer, in a glass cabinet... He also saw a real human
head, cut down the middle, so you could see what the inside of the human skull
head looks like :/ Besides them beautiful
attractions, the museum had LOADS and loads of aborted and dead babies in
bottles :( ... Most of them being Siamese twins, or deformed in some way...
Strange place to spend a hangover... But it’s one of those things your never
gonna see in London... So... why not? :/ The 2nd part of the day,
was SUPPOSED to be spent at the “penis shrine” of Bangkok lol... It has a
proper name which I cant remember... But its basically where Karl saw all those
wooden knobs... We didn’t really have the time to get there, so we went cinema
instead :) First we had a reunion with our favourite Japanese dish, Okonomiyaki.
It was gooooood! :o And then we watched Ant-Man in the cinema... It was also good
:)
Third day in
the Bang of Kok, was dedicated to getting our bloody Indian visa sorted... OMG
BLOG FANS! What a pain in the arse that is! We went there with all our usual stuff...
Money, visa application, passports, passport photos, departure flights, etc
etc... When we got there, the woman said “You need flight IN to India, and 2
weeks worth of hotel bookings printed”.... TWO WEEKS blog fans!? Jeeez, we
didn’t even know the dates of our arrival yet... Let alone a WHOLE two weeks
itinerary! So... We went back to our hostel, guessed a date we would be back in
Bangkok (we realised the visa would take 6-8 days to process, so we HAD to come
all the way back from the south now), booked our flights into India, and just
made some quick hostel bookings that had a free cancellation policy... We then
power-walked back to the visa centre, and handed in our new shiz... We gave
them the documents, passports, passport photos.... Oh, wait... Photos were TOO
SMALL... Since when have passport photos been any other size?? We paid $8 each
for photos... Then I noticed a small typo on my application... “Is this
important? I need to change?” “Yes, $7 to amend typos”... Jesus blog fans...
India better be worth it lol... We paid the ridiculous visa price, that all Brits
have to pay... And handed it all in... Now we just have to pray, and wait....
Now blog
fans... Are you ready for the most trilling drama you’ve ever read in your
whole entire life!!? :-0 After the visa fiasco, we sat around our hostel,
researching other travel plans, uploading photos, chilling...... Living dat
life... It got to about 6pm, and we thought we should probably get ready to head
off to the main bus station, to catch out next night bus to Krabi. The bus
terminal was a little bit outta town, but we thought 2.5hrs should be plenty
time... We double checked the route with the hostel owner, and asked how long
will it take etc... He then looked at us with serious face and said “You have
to leave NOW!”
So we power
walked back through the dirty grotty nightlife areas, and to the subway... It
was rush hour... For some reason in Bangkok, the ticket machines don’t have the
technology to accept notes for payment. So you have to que in one line for
change in coins, and one line for tickets afterwards... We were cleaver, so me
and Martijn qued for change, then we both gave Cat the coins, who was waiting
in the que for tickets... It was manic in there... Imagine London rush hour, if
Oyster Cards weren’t invented... Plus we had big backpacks on, making the
ordeal even worse... We got packed on to the train, like sardines in a tin... face
pressed against the walls and all sorts... Got off at our stop, then POWER
walked to the bus stop... We had to wait there for a small local bus to take us
to the big station... So we got there, and waited... and waited... and
waited... We were on time, but we had bad experiences with buses in Bangkok
before, so we started to get nervous, and contemplated getting a cab... We
waited 10 more minutes, then, “f*ck it, lets just pay a cab and go”.... No cab
wanted to take us... Racist... So then I walked over to a tuktuk driver...
“Can you take
us to bus station?”
“Where?”
“Bus
station... Southern terminal...”
“Errrrr...”
“Big bus....
To Krabi”
“......Ok,
get in!”
“You sure?”
“Yes!”
“You’re
SUURRREEEE you know where you’re going!?”
“Yes, yes,
yes.... quick!”
You can see
where this is going blog fans... I shouted to Martijn and Cat to jump in, and
we headed off.... Just one problem... It was in completely the wrong
direction... “Hey! This way yeah?” “Yeah, yeah, I know”.... We figured he knew
a route to dodge the rush hour traffic or something... 5 minutes later, he
pulls over to the side of the road. He meets his friend, then gives him our bus
tickets, to look at the address etc...
“Ahhh!! I
thought you KNEW!? We have NO TIME FOR THIS!!”
I was
getting PISSED off blog fans... His friend assured me he knew now, and we
headed off... I was getting nervous now, because we were really late, and
getting even further away than before... We still needed to que up for tickets
etc when we got to the big station... He then started heading southwards... But
I knew that the terminal was way out in the west side... We waited 2 or 3
minutes more... “Wait! Stop! Stop!” We got Martijns phone out, and I roughly
pointed on google maps, to the direction of this bus terminal...
“We are
going here yeah!?”
“Ahhhh...
Noooo! Too faaarrrrr!”
.... I
flipped my SH*T! I roared like an ape, pulled all our bags out the tuktuk, and
beat the shit out of some advertisement on the side of the road lol... kicking
and punching it... The tuktuk prick was like “Im sorry, Im sorry”... Martijn
was like “Rob! Calm down!”... But by this point I was 90% sure we all missed
our bus... All because of this damn tuktuk driver... The bus was pre-booked,
cost a lot of money, we were way out of town, we had reservations in Krabi, no
where to stay in Bangkok, it was had the last bus of the day, and tickets were
non-refundable... Needless to say, we were vexed... We tried to cross the big
arse motorway that the tuktuk driver left us on... Carrying our backpacks in
arms, jogging, like Mr Incredible... We more or less hijacked a stationary taxi
in the traffic... “500 baht”... “No, we pay you 350” “OK”.... That bit was
easy... 3 times what we should pay on meter, but a lot cheaper than paying an
extra night in Bangkok, and booking another bus the following day. We were
still pretty sure we missed it, but we weren’t giving up yet blog fans... “How
long will it take to southern bus terminal?” “About one hour”.... We had 56
minutes left... It was gonna be tight... We went down some back road, and the
driver says “I pick up my girlfriend... Our home near bus station!” “No! No!
No! We are late! LLAAATTTEEEE!!!” He got her anyway, and hit the motorway... Then...
Gridlock... Not moving... Emotions were a mixture of everything... I was now
95% sure we were f*cked............ After seeing our distress and explaining in
minimal English, I think the driver understood what was going on. So he picked
it up a gear, weaved between a few cars, then we were on our way...
“Can you
ring?”
“There is no
number”
“Bus after?”
“No, last
one...”
“Refund for
tomorrow?”
“No refund”
We still kept
going... We came too far now to be disappointed... We sped into the bus
terminal FIVE MINUTES EARLY! I could have kissed the driver, but no time for
that shit blog fans... I told Cat and Martijn “You two pay, and grab my big
bag... Im running”. I SPRINTED to the terminal building, up the stairs,
frantically looking for signs to our gates. Pushing my lazy, untrained, beer
guzzling, fast food eating, beach bum body to its absolute limits... Purely on
adrenaline...... Got to the booth, and I GOT THE TICKETS!!..... BUT WAIT!....
Where’s Cat and Martijn? I paced up and down looking for them... Hoping they
would find me in time... I went back to the ticket ladies “Has it left yet? Can
you ring them? One minutes? Two minutes?” The ticket lady picked up the phone,
and I went looking again.... Came back to her... “Has girl come here yet? Can
you tell the girl ‘platform 70’ when she comes?” They told me to relax, and
that I had time... She then said “Give me the ticket for girl, you go to bus”
“Errr... I’ll wait one more minute, thanks....” As I said that, Cat and Martijn
came round the corner... Martijn was getting on a different bus to another town,
10 minutes after ours, so we said a very quick, frantic, but happy goodbye to
him... Then me and Cat RAN... Went back into Mr and Mrs Incredible mode running
towards the buses, carrying our 15kg bags like they were cans of Sprite... We
found gate 70... Our bus still there...... We made it..... Jizzzzzz.................
:)
After that
dramatic evening, we woke up from our night bus in Krabi... Welcomed by sunshine,
mountains, and palm trees. We were in the tropics again :) After checking in,
and having a nap, we got a boat to Railay Beach... Which set the bar quite high
for Thai beaches to come. It had big cliffs overlooking the blue seas, white
sand, monkeys running about, and a fertility shrine full of cocks :D So I got
to see a bunch of wooden cocks after all! Everything was good there, except for
the fact my camera started playing up. Its water proof, and has always been
fine up to this point. But it seemed something went wrong in this sea, and it
wasn’t really working properly. The next day we did a day trip to the Emerald
Pools, thermal springs, and the Tiger Caves. Camera was turning on at this
point, but didn’t really zoom, and I couldn’t preview or delete anything I had
taken. The pools were amazing though. Some of the bluest waters I have ever
seen. I had a play fight with Cat at one point and knocked her earring out. It
dropped to the bottom of the pool, and we never found it again... But we don’t
talk about that anymore blog fans :/ We got back to Krabi, and as my camera was
pretty buggered, and I didn’t want the stress of having a camera that didn’t
zoom, delete, change settings, or do ANYTHING for the next month and a half... So
I decided to get a new camera... Spent a lot of money on it... Was happy with
it, but paying $500 for anything, makes me wanna chunder everywahh to be honest...
So, I got home, practicing with my new camera, renewing my love for photography
and what not... Then I turn my old camera on, just for old times sakes... And
it WORKED... Perfectly!... FML!... I couldn’t return this new one, so im now backpacking
around with TWO really good cameras on me... Whats the point in that blog fans?
Whats the point in thhaatt.......
After Krabi,
we got a boat to our first island. The famous Koh Phi Phi... The boat was
really nice, and the journey was really smooth... Somehow though, the ONE guy
sitting next to me, was the ONLY one that decided he was gonna puke everywhere
today... Typical... He filled a whole Tesco’s bag worth up... We pulled up to the pier of Phi Phi, and the
warm sunshine quickly turned to a rain storm... Typical... We put our rainproof
covers over our backpacks, and managed to find somewhere to stay. My first
impressions of Phi Phi were pretty good. Lots of places to eat and drink,
pretty small and compact, walkable little alleys everywhere... But super touristy...
And super crowded... I was expecting it to be like this down here, but not
quite this much in “lower season”. Lots of fat, tattooed, English chavs... and
basic bitches who only care about getting tanned and laid... I should of fitted
right in really ;) But not all were that bad... Just in general slightly
different to the type of people you meet elsewhere in Asia... We did a one day
island hopping tour. Snorkelled, beach hopped, and then went to “THE Beach”...
Not a beach, but THE beach blog fans... The one in that movie?... THE Beach?
Was pretty cool to finally get there... Its one of those places that people
have seen on the TV and have gone “Wow! I am going THERE!” It was beautiful...
Mainly for the surrounding cliffs, and greenery around it... Again, quite a few
tourists, but not too bad. Less than I expected in a place like that
actually... And it wasn’t raining, so cant complain :) The boat never actually
dropped us off at the beach, but at a bay around the back of it. Which was
kinda cool, as we had to swim up to some rocks, climb some sort of rope, then
walk through a small jungley bit... Added to the mystique ;) But on the way
back, we did the same, and I cut my hand on some coral... Pretty badly
actually... Was kinda like Forgetting Sarah Marshall, but in my hand... It was
only small, but PISSED blood EVERYWAH haha... Got on the boat, and bled bright
red blood all over it. Think it looked worse because of the sea water making it
run... But it all got strapped up, and I lived to tell the tail blog fans ;)
After only 2
nights in Koh Phi Phi, we decided to move on to Koh Samui... An easily arranged
boat, bus, boat trip later... We were there :) Easy... We were hoping that
accommodation would be easy to find too... It usually is... And we know on the
day we arrived (Aug 1st), it would of been the full moon party on Koh
Phangan. So Samui should be empty, right blog fans?? Well, at least thats what
we THOUGHT!... We got a little bus and headed to “Big Buddha Beach”, which is
where we thought would be best for what we wanted... Got off the bus, and
looked for somewhere to sleep... Usually theres LOADS of options, literally
falling out your arse blog fans... But in this case, there wasn’t.... Walked a
bit, and found a few, but they were really upmarket hotels, that were out of
our budget... Kept walking, and found some backpacker places... They were
full... Why was this blog fans? Coz APPARENTLY, backpackers have got cleaver!...
They book cheaper, nicer places in Samui, then get a late boat to Koh Phangan,
where they go to the full moon party and getting completely off their tits...
Not only that, but boats are running so regularly, that they are able to return
at 2am, 3am, 4am, 9am.... Whenever they want! Game changer! Wouldnt wanna be
the guy cleaning the boats after that night though blog fans :/ Hope he has
some Tesco bags ready!... But if we had known about this option in advance, we
could of been quite tempted by the full moon... But we knew my bday was coming
up, and we planned to do the half moon party a couple days after that... so, we
were saving ourselves blog fans ;)
And thats
another blog done blog fans! We’re still in Koh Samui at the moment, but are
heading off to Koh Phangan in the morning. Our time in Samui has been nice. We’ve
really liked it here. Its more family orientated, and chilled. We’ve gone to
waterfalls, hired a scooter for 2 days, seen temples, beaches, etc... Alllll
gooood.... Now its time to shake them cobwebs off again and rave it up! Dont
think its possible to beat the last bday I had in Bali, but ill try my best
anyway :)
So the next
blog will be another birthday special... Expect a lot of drama on that one blog
fans... Speaking of which, do me one favour will you?... KEEP THEM SHORTS
TIIIIIIGHTTT!!!!!!!!!! For our next BREAKING, BLOG, NEEEEEWWWWWSSSSS!!!!!
ZOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOPAAAA!!!
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