Incredible India

So... Blog fans... Are you ready to get a big spicy lump of BLOG shoved up your chapatti’s!? Well, keep your chapatti holes tiiiight... Coz we got some good blogging toniiight....

I last hit your dirty chapatti’s with a blog in Jodhpur (I hope you read it). From there we were on a voyage to Udaipur for our next mystical discovery. On route, we made sure to stop off at a Jain temple called Ranakpur. OBVIOUSLY blog fans... I mean, we wouldn’t miss that out would we...  It was fantabulous! Im telling ya, the Taj Mahal is gonna have some stiff competition from the temples, palaces, and forts we’ve seen on our way so far. I can’t really describe how it looked, but the carvings of the pillars and roofs are probably some of the most awesome examples of sculpting I’ve ever seen. We had an audio guide to go around with, and the Jain people are a pretty inspirational bunch too... I personally think we should all study their culture and beliefs, and learn from them :) The drive from Ranakpur onwards was really beautiful too. The temple was situated in the middle of a jungle, and the route ahead kind of reminded me of our drives in New Zealand. Just constant beauty. It was kind of what I always imagined Darjeeling to be like. And considering we are unable to reach Darjeeling this time around, it seemed like a nice little substitute for now... We arrived into the outskirts of Udaipur, and stopped off at some park. It was nice, nothing amazing, but God, we got some amazing stares from the locals there blog fans... I sat down on my own for a minute by the fountain... all of a sudden, a couple young guys came up to me and asked for a photo... Its ok, I was kinda expecting it... I am white after all... Then a bigger group came... I swear, after about 15mins of sitting there, I must of been in a pic with... several sons, the dad, the grandad, several cousins, several uncles, and friends.... and friends of friends... All  individually, and collectively... I literally did nothing to deserve this attention lol... I had a lil chat with them, they were nice... But then Cat came back to me, and I had an excuse to leave... But on our way out, some desperate, fat, middle-aged lady came rambling towards Cat grabbing her, and literally BEGGING for a photo with her... Cat usually refuses anyway, but in this case, I think she actually feared for her life lol... Got checked in to Udaipur and went for an evening stroll with Ashok, our driver... Saw the usual palaces, sightseeing things etc. But this time they were all lit up at night, and set on a really nice big lake. Udaipur was dubbed the “most romantic city in India”. But was probably more the “best place to splash a shit load of cash on your girlfriend” in India... Had lots of hotels and restaurants floating in the middle of the lake that you had to get a boat to go to, and spend more than the average Indian yearly salary on your one meal... Needless to say, we didn’t bother doing that... The next morning we entered the city palace, went to a haveli, wore a turban, and then went to a recommended hotel in the Lonely Planet. We werent staying there, but they had a really really nice rooftop, where you can see over the lake, palace, and buildings... best of all, you can chill major balls... You could also grab something to eat, and drink for a pretty good price. I got myself a lassie, curry, and then fell straight to sleep on all the pillows in the breeze:) Was majorly chillingballs.com blog fans – Didn’t wake up until I heard some MASSIVE cannon explosion from not too far from us. I thought we might of been at war with Pakistan for a minute... Turns out it was some sort of festival going on. Not sure what about, but Indians don’t need much of an excuse for a celebration. Seems to be a festival here every other day lol.

Next stop – Pushkar... A pilgrimage town, with hundreds of Hindu temples and markets, that surround a kind of hexagon shaped lake. We met up with Vicky, the guy that helped us book this trip. He was there showing around his Japanese girlfriend who came over to visit him... Don’t ask... After having dinner with them on our first night, we had a pretty slow and chilled one on our second day too. Wondered around the lake, through the town, ate falafels, talked with locals... Cat bought some Indian slippers, I got an Indian top, then we had dinner with our driver Ashok. We got street food as a snack before hand, but Cat wanted to go somewhere with beer. Pushkar is a very religious area, as I said, and alcohol is very hard to find... Cat found in the Lonely Planet (again) a place that apparently sold beer. We went there, and they served it for us in a tea pot lol. To keep it on the hush and hidden... Found out afterwards it cost more than Cats slippers and my top combined... Which still wasn’t LOADS of money in pounds, but, not good for India price :/

Cat went on a horse safari on our last morning in Pushkar... I stayed in, and had a lie in... Lovely Jubly... Then we were off to Jaipur! (Dont worry if youre getting lost with the city names). We got there in the early evening, as usual, and this time went for a walk by another lake and watched locals feeding the fish. Except here, they don’t break up little bite sized bits of bread for them... They throw in the whole bloody loaf like cavemen lol... How is that even fun?? We chilled indoors that night, got a take-away tandori chicken (which was the first time I ate non-veg in a long time) and beer with Ashok. Chilling, talking, discussing, in our room whilst watching TV... Just like a Saturday night take-away... After Ashok left, I put on Groundhog Day to watch... Cat fell asleep within 5 minutes, and I got an upset stomach... Which kinda felt like Groundhog Day to me :/

We had another big sightseeing day the next day. The city palace, temple of the winds... I wont bore you with details... One thing we saw that was pretty unique though, was the Jantar Mantar. Some sort of master wizard, mathematical time God must of made this place. It had all sorts of crazy sundials, zodiac clocks, and mind blowing madness. Things like the worlds biggest sundial, and a sundial that can tell the time to the exact SECOND. Its genius, love that kinda stuff...

From there, we were off to our last stop in Rajasthan, Ranthambore  National Park. Where you have the possibility of doing a safari, and seeing WILD TIGERS :o On our journey there we stopped off at a small village hut to get a cooked lunch. A lot of the locals came out to see the white skinned, pastey freaks that came to town lol. I was given some tinsel flowers to wrap around my wrist, as the Indians were celebrating “Sisters Day”... Like I said, any excuse... And I was also given some chubby baby boy, with his willy hanging out to hold... I was fine... I was just hoping that he didn’t get too excited and piss on my like a little puppy... We ate the food there, and arrived in Ranthambore. The hotel was really really nice, and brand new. But as it was Sisters Day, there was no one around to make us a drink or cook us anything. That usually isn’t a problem, as we always go out to eat and drink. But, like I was saying, its Sisters Day AND out of tourist season, so EVRYTHING was closed outside too... We understood that, no problem... But on top of having no food, we had on and off electricity, no wifi, and no water... Not no HOT water blog fans... But no WATER... We spoke to the tiger man, and were told it was best to take the safari early in the morning... So, guess what we saw on the evening before blog fans?... We saw a FORT! Haha.. AGAIN! :D On our way there, we managed to find a somewhere open in the outskirts to get beer and cachori’s (which are similar to samosas) Then we pulled over by a tent that was banging out mad music for the festival, got handfuls and handfuls of snacks for free from a very over enthusiastic man lol. Ashok drove on, eating and drinking his beer. We got to the fort, and the fort itself wasn’t too spectacular. Ashok was pretty drunk from the one beer he had (psst), and almost got attacked by monkeys he was feeding through his window. We then went to a temple for him to say a little blessing... Then he painted a bindy on my forehead, and held my hand whilst skipping lol... Seriously... Cat also managed to befriend a group of young girls who were there with their family. They kept turning to us and shouting “Hello! Bye Bye! Ta Ta!”... They loved us for some reason... Cat had to kiss a couple of the girls on the cheek before we said goodbye lol... Apparently that wasn’t enough though, as they asked us to do a dance... So I reluctantly did my shit impression of the running man... How embarrassing... We went back to our luxury hotel with no water to shower, or flush Cats poo... Woke up early the next day for the safari. To be honest blog fans... We were sceptical about this... When booking the tour, we worked out that we would arrive in Ranthambore on Aug 29-30^th. But we read in the book that the park didn’t reopen until Sept 1^st... We asked Vicky (the guy who booked it) and he said “don’t worry, ill sort something out”. Sounded dodge, but, whatever... Good for us... But then we heard the Lonely Planet was also wrong, and the park wouldn’t open until OCT 1^st! Reason being, that the waters were too low now, and the chances of seeing tigers were slim to none. So, we thought we might of been ripped off a bit there. But we left for the safari expecting the worst, hoping for the best... We entered the jungle area, and we saw cows, pigs, buffalo, peacocks... I was like... “We can see all this on any street corner”... But then we got deeper in, and came across a lot of deer, and antelope... I thought “Well, tiger food is here... maybe we could see a tiger or leopard”... But we didn’t lol... Apparently there’s 28 tigers living there, and even more leopards... But we only saw antelope and deer... No cats... Except a Catherine Himer... How disappointing :p Haha... Slight shame, but to see the wild natural environment, and to go around in the Jurassic Park style Jeep was pretty cool to me. And we both left mildly satisfied...

ANNNDDD.... I think that’s where we’ll leave it for now blog fans!... We have actually just finished sightseeing in Agra. But I think ill start my next blog from there ;) You’re needing a reason to keep those shorts tight init ;) I CAN say we’ve said goodbye to our driver, Ashok now. He was a cool guy, and we’ll probably meet up with him again in Delhi. We’re grateful he got us this far alive. Seen SO many car crashes in India. Some of the suicidal shit ive seen on the roads, I can’t even explain!

Anyway... I’m writing this on a TRAIN now. AS WE SPEAK! You might already know that we’ve seen the glorious, magnificent, sexually sexual Taj Mahal today... But lately my last couple of photo albums on Facebook, have coincided with my blogs... So, we’ll begin there on our next blog. Until then, like I said, keep your shorts tiiiight, and ALL will be explained in our next... breaking... blog... NEEEWWWWSSS!!!!

ZOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOPYLAND!!

WOOOO!!! xxxx

Indian Intro

I can feeeel it coming in the air tonigghht... Oh lorrddd...

It’s our 24^th and final country blog fans... The only thing you should be holding right now is your popcorn, and your shorts... hold em tight blog fans... hold them TIIIIIIIIGHHTT!!!.......

Before we get on to the craaaaziness of India, let me tell you about our last day in BangKOK! Which was prreeetttyyyy crrraaazzyyyy itself! ;) We arrived on a beautiful sunrise, which started our day on a positive note. We had one main priority that day, and that was to pick up our Indian visas. Before we could do that, we revisited the same hostel we stayed at the last time we were in Bangkok. Which meant trudging down the alcohol and piss stained streets of Soi Cowboy, at the early hours again... Got to our hostel, and luckily the landlord was awake to let us in. We dropped our bags, and had some free toast with pineapple jam :) We knew the visa centre wasn’t open until 1pm, so we had quite a bit of time to spare. The last time Cat withdrew money in Koh Toa a couple days back, she decided to takeout like, $6000.... Not literally, but you know what I mean... WAY too much for the next couple days. So we decided to use this spare time to go to a money exchange and change up our Baht into Rupees. By the time we did all this, it was time to head to the visa centre. At this point we still weren’t 100% sure if the visa had been granted or not... And with all the hassle last time, I just hoped it all went to plan... It did blog fans... It did :) Nice big shiny visa slapped into the middle of our passports. All gooooood bro! Now we only had 3 things we wanted to do before our last day in Thailand was over... Climb the Ghost Tower, see a German friend (Julia) we made in Mission Beach (Australia)... and maybe chill out a bit.... We gave ourselves one hour to sit back in the hostel air-con, before attempting the other 2 missions... Firstly, the Ghost Tower.... Let me explain the mission...

The Ghost Tower is like an urban legend. We had kinda heard of it before, but never really knew where, or what it was... We bumped into a guy called Arash in Koh Phangan, who had actually been there, and showed us an awesome video he took. So this is when we decided we HAD to see it. When we got there, we were a bit confused to where the entrance was. The whole thing was cornered off like a high security building site. We saw 2 German girls around the bottom who had the same idea... We asked some locals about it. Some just shook their heads, some pointed to a certain area, some just watched us attempting to break in... After everyone gave up watching, and we NEARLY gave up trying, suddenly some guy opened a gate... He hushed us in quickly... He said “500”... We were like “Whoa... No... We heard 200”... He then shook his head, and tried to chuck us straight out... The 2 German girls left, but me and Cat decided to pay. When Arash spoke to us before, he did actually say he paid 500, and thought “I’ll never be here again, and it was well worth it.” So we did the same.... (500 baht is about 10GBP / 20AUD... Which is a lot of money in Thailand).... Anyway, it was proper dodge, proper illegal, and proper rapey.... There had been stories about lots of dead bodies being found there... Either murdered, suicide, or dumped from somewhere else... Either way, that kinda ran through your mind, as we jogged up the forty-something floors to the top. On our way, we came across broken toilet seats, random bathtubs, lots of bats, and graffiti saying things like “All you’ll find here is suffering”... It really set the mood nicely blog fans...  Then, we finally got to the top..... “woooowww!” :D Amaze baaalllsss! :D There were actually quite a few tourists up there. They must have been part of the secret operation too ;) There were a lot of snags, and 6000 foot drops that you could kill yourself with if you wished... Or even if you were just a tiny bit clumsy... But we just enjoyed living life for that moment blog fans... We got there just before sunset and got the best of both worlds... Day and Night... Kid Cudi... We were literally a block or two away from the very posh and expensive Hangover 2 bar. We were like “Wooo!! Look at all you posh suckers, with all your stuuupid posh drinks!” But in reality, we were there less than a month ago :/ And the 500 baht bribe we paid for the Ghost Tower, was about as much as their drinks there... But still..... F*** the system yeah ;)

After all that excitement, we managed to fit in our reunion with Julia. Was really good to see her, catch up, and we ended Thailand on a high... Then... it was on to the next oonneee......

Indings, aka The Incredible India... We finally landed in our last destination, on Aug 15^th... Aug 15^th, if you didn’t know, is Indian Independence Day... Where they celebrate their independence from the bastard British... Welcome to India, Rob and Cat ;) We arranged an airport pickup from the hotel, and it didn’t take long before shiz started to get weird on the streets... I think the first thing I saw was a monkey, trying to pull a pigs tail... Think about that... Monkey, pulling a pigs tale... Dont know about you, but I learnt about farm animals, and jungle animals... Never saw a pig in Jungle Book... Dont recall a monkey in Babe... But it can be found in India blog fans.... We arrived at our hotel, and it was located BANG in the middle of the craziness... Cat seemed a bit overwhelmed by it all...

I was like... “Wow, we’re actually in India!”:D

Cat was like... “OMG, we’re actually in India...” :/

We walked around a bit, but to be honest, we couldn’t venture too far. Especially at the beginning. We were pretty used to us being stared at in other countries, or looked at like walking dollar signs. But here was a different level. Kids would grab your arms, ask for food, money, beer, stand in your way, everyone just walking up to you, and talking, staring, hassling... Nothing we couldn’t deal with, with a joke or smile, but we didn’t go too far away... After spending two days in Delhi, seeing the local area, The Red Fort, etc... We were planning to catch a train and head up north... We did a lot of planning and research, and we decided Rishikesh was gonna be our next stop... So, we went to or reception desk, asked about booking train tickets... And basically blog fans, all our hard work, went STRAIGHT down the shitter! Vicky, the guy we were speaking to, was like “Rishikesh? No.... Not good”... So this is how it went down...

We went into a bedroom, sat down with a beer and Bombay mix (they call it Nampkin)... And “discussed” what we were planning to do... Bare with me blog fans... I was like “OK, we are going to the north, Rishikesh, Manali, Amritsar... Then to Rajasthan to the west... Then Agra, Varanasi, and back up to Delhi.” Great plan.... But then Vicky was like, “No, you will do it this way”... He told us the weather in the north was bad, so suggested to go out west first, and end up in the north before returning to Delhi... Obviously we were sceptical, but he then started to write down our WHOLE itinerary! I was like, hold on... we are experienced backpackers. We can do this... We’ve done our research... We don’t need a package holiday! But then he went on... He explained the train situation, not many cities are easily linked. When I suggested buses, he laughed it off... No one takes buses... Only short runs... He basically knew (from the experience of flogging off this plan to 100s of other tourists doing almost the EXACT same thing as us) exactly what we were looking for, how much our budget would be, and our schedule... I actually did speak to a Dutch guy the night before who just came back from one of his scheduled routes. He said, obviously you pay more, but trust me, its good, and ill do it again... Cat and I were pretty much put on the spot.... 90% of what we wanted to do was in there, a couple little extras we never heard of, and it was still all within the daily budget that we always aimed for since leaving Australia... So, we bit the bullet blog fans... For the next week and a half, we had a private driver, whizzing us around the west, before we drops us off in Agra, where we get the train from there to finish off in Varanasi, and then Manali... We had mixed emotions to be honest. We were upset that we kinda cheated ourselves out of the challenge of backpacking India. But on the other hand, we only had one month, and this would be an enjoyable, and time productive way to do it... So, we paid a chunk of cash, and headed to our first stop... Mandawa...

On our way to this mystical place called Manawa (which we previously never heard of). We got to know our driver Ashok, and he was a really cool guy. On one of our first stops, he bought us a bottle of whisky. Which we reluctantly accepted, but agreed to share with him. Then, his little gifts got even weirder lol... We were having a conversation about lassies (the drinks). Saying we like them, how are they made, etc etc... He then pulled up in some random area, on the side of the road, took our empty bottle of water, and marched on towards some sort of farm.... We looked on confused, and he came back clutching a WHOLE 2LTR bottle, FULL of lassie.... We were like... OMG, what are we gonna do with this??... But we were grateful anyway... We got to Mandawa several hours later, in the early evening. Within a couple minutes, we already started to understand what Vicky said to us. The roads were just tiny, skinny, bumpy dust paths. There were no trains, no big cars, and the place basically looked like we were in some sort of middle eastern / Asian time warp. I was kinda expecting to spot Aladdin and Apu, just jamming on a street corner as we pulled up or something... But I was LOVING the vibe lol... The driver had to ask a lot of people for our hotel directions... We asked if he ever used sat-navs. He said “Yeah, in big cities... Not here.” I could see what he meant... Whats the Tom-Tom gonna say? “Turn right after the goat... At the cow, take the 3^rd exit...” Ich don’t think so blog fans... We finally found our hotel, and it was tha BOMB! It was basically a palace! Almost felt embarrassing walking in there... We belong in dorm bed hostels! Not HERE! We checked in, and then got a local guide to walk us around the area, and explain the local history... It was awesome... It was exactly the kind of thing I wanted out of India, and even though we hadn’t been here long... I was starting to feel more happy and settled about our situation...

Our next stop was at Bikaner. Again, another place I had never heard of from my research. And again, it was a really cool, old, tradition town... We got the see the fort there, which had some of the most amazing and interesting artwork and architecture inside. We walked around the local markets, bought samosas, and then popped into a “miniature arts” shop. It had a couple artists there, that were able to paint pictures in the most MICROSCOPIC details! You actually had to look at them through a magnified glass to see the fine detail. They looked like printings... Then, the guy we were speaking to painted a landscape of a camel, an elephant, houses, hills, two people holding hands... All on my BLOODY FINGERNAIL!! :o Ridiculous! We offered a tip, as we couldn’t really get sucked into the slippery souvenir slope, but he refused... Which was kinda refreshing to see...  

Jaisalmer was our next stop. We arrived in early evening, so we were gonna head straight up to a view point, where we could see the fort and the sunset. We stopped off with Ashok to buy some beers. Three extra strong Kingfishers ;) As we did that a group of children came up to us asking for money. They were ridiculously cute, and knew it. They were all smiling at us, holding out their hands for money, with their sari’s and jewellery on. And we were like “what do you need money for?” “cold beer”... Psst what!? This coming from an innocent looking, little 10 year old girl? Ich don’t think so blog fans! They said we could take a photo of them, but as we weren’t gonna feed the alcoholism, I felt we shouldn’t exploit them either... Anyway, we headed up the hill, and Cat couldn’t finish her beer... so I had half. Trust me, one and a half tall cans of that stuff got me feeling pretty tipsy! We walked round the view point taking photos. I couldn’t take many, because for some shitty reason, my brand spanking new, expensive camera, is refusing to charge... Pissing me off.... India has the same voltage as Thailand, so I don’t see why that’s happening... I brought my backup camera Justin Case... (You know the one that broke, but then decided to work again after I paid out my arse for this new one?)So at least it’s good I have that... Unfortunately, I hadn’t used it or checked the battery on that for a while. So after about 10 minutes of being on the viewpoint, I had two cameras with dead batteries... And I missed the sunset moneyshot... Classic!

The day after, we went to Jaisalmers main attraction, The Jaisalmer Fort. It was A-MAZE-ZING! Considered one of the must see sights of Rajasthan, and it was easy to see why. All the architecture, sculptures, and haveli’s... The view, over all the rooftops. It was the shizniz... We had an audio guide for half of it, and an actual real life guide for the rest. To be honest, I think I preferred the mechanical guide this time... I usually prefer listening to people, and asking questions. But this guy seemed a bit motivated to take us into shops, and show us all the magical unique things you could buy off all the “poor locals”... aka... his friends... At one point he took Cat into a shop saying “Just look... Dont have to buy”. I made the point of standing on the doorstep, with my back to the shop, looking out on to the street. Just people watching, taking photos of buildings, walking up and down... “Robert, you want to look?” “No thanks” He could see I wasn’t happy about it... “OK, next time you tell me shops you want to see, and we can see there” “No... No shopping... Only sightseeing”. Seems like people in most parts of Asia nearly die of shock when they hear a white man literally has no interest in buying ANYTHING. But hey....

The last thing we did whilst in the Jaisalmer area, was a Camel Safari. Was really good. We got driven into the desert, then rode camels over the sand dunes not too far from the Pakistani border... Got to see a good sunset there... This time with a camera... (Been using my backup camera permanently now... Annoying)... After the camels, we came back to the camp for some Indian entertainment. Had singing, dancing, and lots of food... We then had the choice to either go back out to the desert to sleep, sleep in a cabin, or sleep outside on a rooftop... Most people wanted to head out to the desert, but it was proper windy... Cat knows how much I had sand in the bed... I have a shit fit brushing sand off a mattress if it was over her feet... So imagine me in a DESERT! Not only that, but I started to feel my stomach going a bit dodge. Surprisingly, I haven’t had too much of a bad experience with the ol Delhi Belly so far... Ironic considering I shat my way through every South East Asian country we visited. Anyway, we decided to sleep on the rooftop. Everyone else went to the desert, so it was just me and Cat. Was really nice. We managed to get a shower, brush our teeth, and go up to the mattress waiting for us. An Indian couple who were also there as tourists, started singing and humming Indian hymns from next door. Was pretty spooky, but with all the stars at night sooooooo bright, it was also pretty romantic times blog fans :p .... Well, it would of been... If Cat hadn’t fallen straight to sleep, and if I hadn’t been hit by the worst case of volcanic diarrhea EVEEERRRR... well.... at least since... last week :/ Must of been the mixture of the spicy mango chilli, along with the sweet porridge pudding.... I could still hear all the singing and humming though the windows, but lets hope to God they didn’t hear me....

We are now in Jodhpur!! Which is enough for me to write about for now, in this “Indian Intro”. We had a village safari here, where we got to see an old man drinking opium, and getting off his tits.... Also seen the Mehrangarh fort... Think forts have become our new temples lol, everywhere... This one was also totally amazing... Not so much the inside of this one, but the view... “Oh woooooow!!” :D They call Jodhpur the “Blue City”, as a lot of the buildings are painted baby blue. Looks so cool from birds-eye view... Now, we’re just in the hotel, maxing and relaxing... We had a really good and CHEAP dinner today. Been avoiding touristy things / prices as much as possible... Had 2 lassies, and a massive BBQed shared plate for.... wait for it.... £3.20... We paid 4pounds with tip... How generous :/ Other than that, we’re both pretty ill at the moment... Both got the flu, and I have a bad toothache... On a positive note, my ankle is looking a lot better... Dont know if you saw a picture on Facebook? But all my lovely friends suggested it was either aids, gangrene, or a zombie bite... Luckily, I saw an Indian pharmacist, and he knew exactly what I needed... Guess that’s why you see so many Indian doctors, and NOOO Thai ones lol....

SOOOO..... Until next time? The last time? The last time I rhyme a sublime line for your mind? I don’t know??? Maybe... Still got quite a bit of India to see in our tight schedule, before Armageddon happens... RobCat Travel, in ENG-GER-LAND :o lol.... Im sure ill find something to blog about in the UK... Reunions, how it feels being home, how it’s changed... I did a good blog after I left South America with my “Top 10’s”. Top ten foods, drinks, hostels, towns, etc. Maybe I’ll do that for Asia... If it’s possible...... So, like I just said, until neeexxxttttt tiiiimmmmmeeeee!! Keep those shorts tiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiggghhhhhhhttt!!! For the next, breaking, blog, NEEEEEEWWWWSSSS!!!!

Zooooooooooooooooooooooopatel! x

Buckets and Birthdays

Beaches, Birthdays, Buckets, and Blogtastic brilliance!!

Its all here for you blog fans! So strap up, and pack your uzi's...

This shizzz is tha bizzzzz....

The last time we blogged it up blog fans, we were on the verge of leaving Koh Samui. To the party paradise, that is KOH PHANGAN... We set sail on Aug the 4^th, which Im sure you’re all FULLY aware of, is the day before my birthday :D Yooo!! So, the low down on our Koh Phangan situation was basically this... We were gonna enjoy my birthday in a nice fancy hotel for 2 nights, then we had a cheap hostel arranged from a long time ago, to stay during the Half Moon Festival from the 6^th to 10^th. Which was going to be the celebrating and getting retardedly drunk part of my bday :p Oh yes... Cat and I found a really really cool hotel to stay firstly... It had an infinity pool, set on the beach, private rooms with air-con, and a restaurant on the beach which did a BBQ at night... It was EXACTLY what I wanted for my bday, and what made it even better was, we found an ad in a local magazine to buy one night, get one free... PERFECT for my bday plans... So we got off the boat and headed there... Got to the reception, checked-in, and dropped our bags into our room. Looked really really nice, and it instantly felt like my birthday :) But there was something strange about Cats mood... She huffed, and sighed at the room... I asked what was wrong, and she said it wasn’t as fancy as she expected... I said “Are you mad!? It looks awesome! All I wanted was to not be in a dorm, and maybe be treated to air-con... This is the shiiizzz!”.... Then, she dropped a major bomb... She confessed something shocking blog fans... This was NOT THE HOTEL WE SAW THE AD FOR!! :o I said... “Oh, well, thats ok... This is still amazing! Whats the probem!?” “This place cost over FIVE times the amount as the other one...” :o lol!! OMG blog fans.... I was really REALLY appreciative of the gesture, and everything she had done for this... But I said, surely you know me by now... I am not a Fancy Frank... Im the most tightest budget guy on the block... And Cats even worse than me about saving money most the time!! But she said she wanted to surprise me, and get something with a bit more of a “wow factor”, so she booked this... And to be honest blog fans... She did well :) The pool was really nice, the room was great, and the waters on our private beach were some of the clearest, and by FAR the WARMEST ive ever ever felt in my LIFE... Was crazy... On top of that, we figured the total price of this place is less than what we would usually spend on a drunken night out in Australia or London... So it was well worth it... And I wouldn’t forget my stay there any time soon.

I woke up on my birthday, and Cat treated me to a little morning birthday treat... Which meeeaaans blog fans, she woke up, got out of the room, and let me have a lie in :D How romantic ;) As I was starting to wake, I heard a knock on the door... I thought I was imagining it... Then it happened again... I got up, and the hotel manager was there, standing with a BIRTHDAY CAKE :D I was really surprised, and slightly embarrassed by it... Then I walked up to Cat with a cheesy smile, and she knew it had came... She did well ;) We ate birthday cake for breakfast and got a bike around to some beaches slightly north of us. They were recommended online, and in books, so we thought we’d check them out... And when we got there, they were nice, but they had nothing on the private beach at our hotel to be honest... So that confirmed Cat got it even more right... In the evening we went to a restaurant that was considered to be the best on the island... It had fresh sea food, caught every day, and was set on a beach with the sun setting... The sun must of been jealous of my bday or something, coz it didn’t really set in a spectacular way. But the food was AWESOME. I got a seafood curry with prawns, king prawn, fish, and crab... Im not even the biggest seafood fan, but loved it... Unfortunately though blog fans... My stomach didn’t... As soon as I finished this quality piece of fine dining, my arse rejected it like a stubborn child, and aggressively shat it all out :( ...I hadn’t had diahhrea for at least 20hrs or something at that point... Thought I was setting a new record! But obviously not blog fans lol -_-

After our last night in luxury, eating cake and pooing... we checked-out, and walked 2km with our backpacks to our dorm roomed hostel for the next 4 nights... Four nights in this place, cost less than HALF of ONE night in our last place haha... Living life on both ends of the spectrum blog fans ;) But to be honest, this hostel was still really cool too. The rooms were nothing special, but the grounds had a big pool, bar, tv, video games, lounge area, pool tables, table tennis, 5aside football pitch, volleyball, basketball, EVERYTHING! Can’t complain with the price either... Cat wanted to walk to get a smoothy, then she tricked me to walk on further and further... She wanted to torture herself by looking at the hotel we NEARLY booked for my birthday for quarter the price... We got there, and it was pretty damn good lol... Really nice pool, right on the beach, gym, nice rooms... It was exactly what I wanted for my bday really... But I assured her she did a really good thing... I said this place was definitely worthy of anyone’s bday, and I would of been well happy. BUT, what she booked was like... honeymoon worthy... Just had that extra special feel... My brother is considering a honeymoon in this area next year, so maybe ill recommend this lol...

But lets forget about lame-arse honeymoons blog fans... Half Moon Festival was approaching! But on the day before, we decided to go on a trek up to the highest point of the island to a viewpoint. By “we decided” I mean, mostly Cat. I still would of preferred to hang by the pool, drink cocktails with umbrellas in, and meet people. Plus the night before I went to bed and midnight, and didn’t fall asleep til gone 4am for some reason :/ Anyway, we walked... Got a scooter again, and headed up there with a German couple, and a girl from England. We were told the walk would be roughly 2hrs up, and one and a half down... That didn’t sound too bad to me. I like a good walk to a look-out point now and then. We started on a dirt track, and there was NO shade blog fans... And it was at mid-day peak heat... Carried on walking, going ok, then only 45mins into it, I had to sit down, and I was feeling pretty bad lol. We all had a litre of water each, but by this point, my tshirt was like 99% sweat, 1% cotton... The others carried on, and I fell further and further behind... Now, im not exactly a proud man, blog fans, but I aint THAT unfit... It’s becoming common knowledge now that the heat really seems to affect me and my body a lot worse than the average person. A couple years back, we were doing the Inca Trail walk in Peru, at high altitude, and I was more or less SKIPPING that shit like Jiminy Cricket!! But this was killing me!! Finally got to the top, feeling like a raped zombie, and the view was pretty amazing... Can’t say id do it again... But it was pretty cool lol...

That day of strenuous exercise, and excessive perspiration set us up nicely for the Half Moon Party the next day. We had to make sure we were either gonna experience the Full Moon or Half Moon during our time in Koh Phangan, and the Half was the one that fell nearest to my birthday. Thankfully I got a decent nights sleep that night, and the day wasn’t too strenuous. We just paid a short visit to Koh Ma (pronounced coma – ironic) and chilled at the beach there. The evening came, and It was time for Cat and I to get UV’ed up, and FINALLY start drinking our first Thai buckets! Must of got about 4 buckets each during happy hour, and got a taxi bus down to the party...

NOW BLOG FANS, brace yourselves for another, HEROIC, RobCat Travel story...

Sooo, the German guy we were with the day before, said he had spoken to a friend who had been to the Half Moon a year or so back. He put the idea into this guys head, that it is possible to SNEAK into the party, and not pay the massive $40 entrance fee... So, once we jumped off the bus, we kinda started strolling away from the entrance... acting all casual and shiz... By this point, we had a group of about 8 of us, all feeling brave / drunk enough, to give this plan a try... We downed the last of our buckets, and started to all run through the dark jungle surroundings towards the massive thumping party... We got up a small hill, and looked down upon our entry point... Only trouble was, it was being guarded by the Thai security... I make a point saying “Thai security”, because I started having visions of the movie The Beach, where the guys protecting the weed had shot guns, and killed the American tourists sneaking in there... So basically blog fans, I thought we were risking getting shot for this party lol... We crouched low, and ran one by one through the parts that weren’t lit up by the party lights... The last three left were me, Cat, and a Spanish friend we made called Bibi... We took one deep breath, and just like that, Cat, Bibi, then me, bish, bash, bosh, ALL GOT IN! :D $80 saved for me and Cat. WINNIG! We all gathered our small group together by the toilets that we snuck in by, and had that small euphoric celebratory moment. We snuck in, survived, and saved more money for BUCKETS!! :D Good start! Then we saw the party... MASSIVE! Standing from the top, we were looking down at thousands of party people dancing below... We joined them too, Cat got on STAGE at one point, and we had a really good night :) There were 3 minor incidents were I nearly got into fights though... Stated when I went to a bar, and asked how much it was for a small beer... He said “100”, so I looked through the wallet, and I KNOW I gave him 500 blog fans... I started to speak to two Danish girls next to me, and waited for my change... He walked towards me, saw I was talking, then walked away... I was like “Excuse me! Change?” Then he goes “No, you give me 100”... “NOOO!! I give you FIVE hundred.” I think from my loud, confident, and slightly aggressive response, he was thinking “shit... he isn’t drunk and stupid...” He then just stood at the back of the bar, looking sheepish, not serving other people... I kept waving my hand at him, holding up five fingers symbolizing the 500 I gave him... He spoke to some co-workers, and it looked to me as if they were saying “stop being a dick, and give him his change”. But he made his claim, and couldn’t really go back on it. After making more fuss, I went round the back of the bar, and stood RIGHT IN THE MIDDLE of it, holding my hand up, and shouting “HELLO! MY CHANGE!” lol... I must of been pretty pissed off blog fans, but I wasn’t in the mood to be taken for an idiot... Eventually security came, and told me to come and speak to someone... I was like “OK”, but I knew by this point I couldn’t prove anything. I just wanted to embarrass the guy, and make it clear to everyone he was a dickhead... I spoke to someone, they said he had no 500s in his hand, it was all bullshit... I knew it, they knew it, but hey... This is Half Moon lol... Another incidence was when Cat bent down from the stage to speak to me on the ground below her. A guy grabbed her and tried to perform doggy style... So I jumped right up, and we had a stand off where his mates had to separate us... THEN seconds after that, there was some drunk guy who was just staring at Cat, Bibi, and me... I stared back at him, still agitated by the guy before, and he grabbed me saying “Come with me! I am police!” ... I was like “Get the f*** off me!!” and pushed him away... He then dropped his straight poker face, and laughed, and said “Sorry, I am German”.... Like its some sort of excuse... I said “No... you’re a f***ing prick!!”.... So that was 3 close fights in quick concession blog fans lol. Not really my style to get in confrontations. But the rest of the night was just me, Cat, Bibi having fun and dancing... Bibi eventually got with a guy, and me and Cat stayed partying til 7am... Almost getting into an argument with a hardcore Tottenham fan. Who admitted he hated me, as a Chelsea fan, by default lol fair enough... But that was pretty much just friendly rivalry... We got off the taxi bus home at 8am, and got a full English breakfast... We then started talking to a drunk Irish couple there, and Cat let it slip it was my birthday... I was like “Errr no its not... That was 3 days ago”. The drunk Irish couple got excited by this and bought me 2 beers lol... I was like “ahhhh... I just want food, water, and sleep! Lol”... But we ended up drinking them, and headed back to THEIR hotel. Which was coincidently, the hotel Cat booked for my BIRTHDAY! :D So was nice to see that again... We passed out by the beach, and eventually dragged our sorry, UV’ed, stop-out, dusty arses back to our hostel.... Finally got in at 1:24pm.... Fenton blog fans... Fenton!...

4:30pm was the time of our awakening... Dont think ive ever started a day so late. But in reality, we’ve just had a 3 hour nap... And, to be honest blog fans, I played out this hangover like a pro... Firstly, went to the bar... Made sure I had a shady seat, shades on, and a bottle of water... Ordered pizza... After pizza, jump into the pool... Fresh as a daisy... Hangover gone... After that, Cat decided to go to some bar called Amsterdam Bar with an Argentinean guy we met. But my hangover day was just getting started blog fans... I walked to 7/11, and bought a big cup of cold chocolate milk... Walked back, ordered a Panini, and watched back to back Premiership football, whilst stroking a dog... Best... For hangover advice, just give me a bell on WhatsApp blog fans ;)

Went to bed at around midnight, and woke up to go to our fourth and final Thai island... Koh Tao... A lot of people seemed to like this island the best out of the lot, so we went over to see the hype. We arranged to see Catherine, a Canadian friend we made at our school job in Darwin. She was there with her boyfriend working as a dive instructor until she gets bored of it basically... Anyway, we got off the pier with all the other tourists like a swarm of locusts... I swear ive never been to a more touristy place... We didn’t see Catherine at first, but we knew it would of been impossible for us to see each other in crowds anyway. We refused all the cab offers and walked 10-15 minutes up and down hill to the main strip. A lot of rooms seemed to be full, or out of budget... so we kept walking.... We eventually came across Catherine’s work place, and poked our nose in to see if she was there. As we turned around to continue our accommodation hunt, there she was! :D Good timing... She had just got of the sea for a swim, and was wrapped in her towel. We were gonna give her a hug, but she was wet from the sea, and we were even wetter from all the bloody sweat. She had to go home, so we arranged to meet her later. We continued our walk to find a room, and eventually managed to find a nice one, bang on our budget. So we were happy with that...

We met Catherine and her boyfriend later for food and drinks. Her boyfriend had an exam the next morning, so didn’t stay out long. But the 3 of us went to see fire twirlers on the beach, and then off to see another ladyboy show... coz I loved it so much the first time blog fans ;) The next morning Catherine had work, so Cat and I went for a walk around the beaches. We debated getting a scooter, but we were told a lot of the roads were dangerous, or only footpaths for pedestrians... No shit blog fans, those people must of been right. Coz on that first walk, we were going uphill, downhill, stairs, gravel, sand... It was killer! We eventually got to a restaurant for a late lunch. It was called “I Love Salad”. It was awesome... Ironically, I got a FAT arse burger... Beef, egg... Very little salad lol... We then got to a beach called Shark Bay, and rented a snorkel there. Apparently you can often see small blacktip sharks there, and turtles... We didn’t... But what we did see was a BIG scary looking trigger fish. We were recently warned about these guys. They have big teeth, can get very territorial, and can attack... I videoed him for a few seconds (you can see that on our YouTube page), and then backed off. He must of been about a meter long. I wasn’t gonna be messing with him... After snorkelling at Shark Bay, we just had that bullsh*t walk home. But Cat then decided she hadn’t done enough walking yet blog fans... There was another viewpoint close by, that we NEEDED to see, and to be honest, It was worth the extra bit of pain... Again... Similar to the view we saw in Koh Phi Phi, but a view like that doesn’t really get boring....

We didn’t see Catherine that evening, as we were both slightly sunburnt, dehydrated, and totally knackered... So we woke up in the next day, and how did we treat ourselves blog fans!? :D More WALKING!!! Yayyyy!!.... Cats 6 page long “to do” list basically listed several different beaches and lookouts to see... I suggested maybe we should just see the best one or two beaches, views, and relax a little... You know... The cocktails with umbrellas, listening to summer tunes on the beach, swimming, laughing, chilling balls?.... But she wasn’t having none of it. She told me I didn’t have to come, and I could stay on our beach... But I ended up just tagging along with her... Again, uphill, downhill, super hot... We got to beach one, and it was really nice... We actually managed to chill a bit there and snorkel. I didn’t mind walking on to beach two... It looked pretty close on the map, and the day was still young... But OMG blog fans... The road just kept going up, and up, and up, and up.... The concrete was white, and reflecting the heat back on to us, and there was no shade... After an hour or two of that, we saw our first road sign... One way was to the beach, and the other one to a restaurant, and the highest viewpoint on the island... But from where we were on the road, we could see the top of the hill, just a little higher than us... And the beach was WAAAAYYYY down below us... I was like “Look Cat... Im taking a stand now... The beach is gonna be at sea level... We are in the bloody clouds....” I knew she wanted to do both the beach, and view, but she agreed.... It wasn’t worth dying for... So we made another gruelling 30min climb to this restaurant. Was really really nice. Had a great view, and I got a coconut lassie to drink, and a Pad See Ew for lunch. Perfect... After that, we had one short climb to the peak of the hill, then a simple downhill stroll back to our beach... Or so we THOUGHT blog fans!! We got to the “2 Rocks” lookout. Was awesome... Again, check the videos on YouTube ;) Then we started going down... The map was a bit shitty and confusing, but we thought “There’s our beach, so, just that direction, and downwards... simple.” Or so we THOUGHT blog fans... We followed the gravely, slippery, walk downwards... We had pretty crap shoes on, and we were struggling a bit... But we kept going... Then we started to sink deeper and deeper into jungle... The path was slowly disappearing, and then it became very obvious that no one EVER walks this way down... We kept going though, thinking maybe we will come to an opening soon. But we were literally fighting through bushes, slipping down dead leaves on the floor, and cutting ourselves and sharp branches.... We got to the point of no return. We looked back like “We can’t climb that... Its like a 80 degree angle.” But after fighting a little longer, there was NOWHERE to go... The word jungle is an understatement... We had to go up... Again, we climbed, falling, getting cut, and poked by everything around us, and had to REALLY struggle to get back up. It was Bear Grylls shiz, trust me.... We got back to this 2 Rocks lookout, and then headed own the opposite direction... Again, going down, down, down.... But we made it :) Back to our beach, back to civilization... This time we did meet Catherine, and this time we did manage to drink and stay out... Dont ask me how.... Catherine’s boyfriend Simon passed his exams, and it was our last night, so we made the effort... We got happy hour drinks, buckets, cocktails... Then some 46 year old who seemed to have a thing for Cat bought us a few jagerbombs and stuff.... Considering we sweated out about 60 gallons of water whilst walking, and we didn’t eat that much... we drank quite a lot lol... Which is why blog fans, I came home, sat down, messaged some people, then... chundered EVERYWAAAHH!! Haha... Classic Rob way to end his stay on the Thai islands ay ;)

So that’s the end of an era really blog fans!! After three whole years of our life being dominated by beaches, and sea... We have now left the Thai islands, and got a sleeper train back to Bangkok... And then... tomorrow... we fly to INDIAAAA!! :o Our last country!! :o And no more beaches for..... God knows how long, and no more South East Asia :( We got our train from a little town called Champorn. It was really nice there. First time in a while we felt we were in a normal Thai town, that wasn’t dominated by tourists... “Parasites!!” As that mad Scottish guy from The Beach says lol... I can’t complain about tourists though... I am one of them, and I chose to go to these hotspots...

So, in the end blog fans I didn’t get my cocktail on the beach with an umbrella. I dunno if ill regret that... I also don’t know if ill regret not diving... Koh Tao is famous for its diving there, and I think I really should of... On this trip full of “bucket lists”, diving should of really been up there. But we managed to talk ourselves out of it each time... Cats done it once before, and didn’t cope too well... Ive never tried... Ive always just thought “Snorkelling is cheaper” or “I can’t motivate myself if Cat doesn’t” or “When am I ever realistically gonna use my PADI if I get one?” At the end of the day, I should of... But oh well.... Maybe next time blog fans ;)

I’d also like to mention a family we met at the station... There was a mum, dad, and 3 kids... 2 bothers, and a sister... They were from England, and doing a small 3 week travel together... But they were SO nice. The kids (only between 7-11 years old) were writing in their little travel diaries, making notes of all they’ve seen and done. They were eating the local street food, talking about cultural differences, and asking how to eat their wraps... I was like “Wow, after being surrounded by parasites and chavs, here are some British people that are not embarrassing to be associated with! And they’re children!” :p Only joking blog fans... But honestly, they had been to some really cool areas. Not just beach holidays, and tourist spots. But places that would really challenge a young mind... In a good way. We spoke to them, and they asked us things about our trip, and why we had so much crap to carry lol... Bit embarrassing. The little girl actually wrote “RobCat Travel” in the back of her diary! :D She wanted to see our videos and to read our blog!! Haha... How cute... She must of only been about 10... So, if you’re reading this nice family... Hello.... And sorry about any of my language in my blogs and videos :D Haha....

And thats us done blog fans! Wow... One more down.... We will speak to you from Delhi.... Take your bets on Rob getting a Delhi Belly... I think the bookies have stopped taking bets lol... We are excited, yet apprehensive about it.... We only have one month or so there, and THEN... YOU BETTER GET YOUR DANCE SHOES ON, coz we are coming HOOMMMEEEE!! And if THATS not a reason to keep your shorts tight blog fans, I really don’t know what is........................... :D

ZOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOPY LALA!!! Xxx

*** YouTube Link:

https://www.youtube.com/channel/UCAfiBjNHpl_Rybkp7-v4Mag

Back to BANG some COCK ;)

F*CK THE POLICE!!!  F*CK THE POLICE!!!  Don’t worry blog fans... Im not taking part in a violent protest. I’m just quoting The Hangover Twoooo! Which is a pretty appropriate way to start this... BREAKING... BLOG... NEEEEWWWWSSSS!!!

I was typing up my last blog from the comfort of my night train bed, from Nong Khai to Bangkok. It wasn’t bad actually. Different from the night trains in China... We had 2 tier bunk beds instead of 3, no one was smoking in your face, and the Thai people seemed to manage to aim their shit accurately down the trains drop toilets... Unlike their Chinese counterparts :/ We got off the night train in the early hours, and got the subway to our hostel... When we got out of the station, we walked through the infamous Soi Cowboy street. Which featured in the riot scene of Hangover 2 (Hence the intro). Its basically a stereotypical, sleazy, dirty, little lane in Bangkok, full of bars, clubs, and prostitutes... As we walked through it, just after sunrise at 6am... we could see all the mess left behind from the night before, the smell all the alcohol, all the piss... And we thought... “Yep! We’re in the right place!” :D

Considering our first visit to Bangkok, a few weeks ago, was mostly filled with sightseeing and diahhrea... We thought this time around, we’ll hit it up Hangover 2 style! :D In the evening me, Cat, and our new friend Martijn, drank a cheap bottle of rum on the trains, and headed towards the Lebua Hotel. This is where the very famous (and expensive) sky bar is, where they made that phone call in the beginning of the movie. “It happened again...” We went to a different rooftop bar the last time we were here, that was considered the “best rooftop bar in Bangkok” according to some shoddy magazine or something... But this one was much better... Not quite as posh as the other place... Probably because the movie has attracted all the backpacking riff raff :p Not me obviously though blog fans... It was BLOODY EXPENSIVE!... BUT, when we convert it into AUD, and then GBP... Its not THAAAT bad lol.... I opted for their signature cocktail, the “Hangovertini”... How could I resist? A $24 cocktail to wash down a $8 bottle of rum :p The views were the sex. Again, photos wouldn’t of done it justice... But as one drink was enough for our budget, the next natural step for us to take... was... PING-PONG!! Why not!? I love a good game of ping-pong ;) We walked around the streets, looking for a good bar to play ping-pong in, and a strange old man recommended a place called “Super Pussy”... I thought... “I’ve never heard of this new mysterious feline super hero!?” LOL!... And when we walked in blog fans... I WAS SHOCKED AND DISGUSTED! :-0 No ping-pong there, no ping-pong at all! :-0 We thought we might as well sit down, and have one beer... We were starting to sober up, so we kinda HAD to... Our friend Martjn got invited to help a charming young lady perform a magic trick... He pulled a bright UV ribbon from the lady... and it kept going... and going... and going.... :/ After the disappointment of the ping-pong tournament cancellation, we decided to go. Cat was really wanted to stay, but a 7/11 burger, and a mini bottle of vod to share, cheered her up....  Hopped on the train to the next stop of our Hangover 2 tour, and finally hit “Soi Cowboy”! Which is a street where the flashback, and riot parts of the movie was filmed... “F*CK THE POLICE! F*CK THE POLICE!”... It was cool.... All lit up like an Asia Christmas tree... I was expecting loads of bars and clubs down there. But in reality, It was 2 bars with live music, and about 400 strip clubs lol... We got a few more drinks, couple shots, then called it a night... Long day blog fans....

If day 1 was meant to be Hangover 2 day... Day 2, was meant to be An Idiot Abroad day :D We didn’t really fancy paying $20 each for the Royal Palace... We have plenty more palaces to come in India... So we thought we would try to see the Siriraj Hospital. Which has a museum where you can see some pretty controversial and wieerrrdddd shit... In An Idiot Abroad, Karl Pilkington was looking at a preserved body of a murderer, in a glass cabinet... He also saw a real human head, cut down the middle, so you could see what the inside of the human skull head looks like :/  Besides them beautiful attractions, the museum had LOADS and loads of aborted and dead babies in bottles :( ... Most of them being Siamese twins, or deformed in some way... Strange place to spend a hangover... But it’s one of those things your never gonna see in London... So... why not? :/ The 2^nd part of the day, was SUPPOSED to be spent at the “penis shrine” of Bangkok lol... It has a proper name which I cant remember... But its basically where Karl saw all those wooden knobs... We didn’t really have the time to get there, so we went cinema instead :) First we had a reunion with our favourite Japanese dish, Okonomiyaki. It was gooooood! :o And then we watched Ant-Man in the cinema... It was also good :)

Third day in the Bang of Kok, was dedicated to getting our bloody Indian visa sorted... OMG BLOG FANS! What a pain in the arse that is!  We went there with all our usual stuff... Money, visa application, passports, passport photos, departure flights, etc etc... When we got there, the woman said “You need flight IN to India, and 2 weeks worth of hotel bookings printed”.... TWO WEEKS blog fans!? Jeeez, we didn’t even know the dates of our arrival yet... Let alone a WHOLE two weeks itinerary! So... We went back to our hostel, guessed a date we would be back in Bangkok (we realised the visa would take 6-8 days to process, so we HAD to come all the way back from the south now), booked our flights into India, and just made some quick hostel bookings that had a free cancellation policy... We then power-walked back to the visa centre, and handed in our new shiz... We gave them the documents, passports, passport photos.... Oh, wait... Photos were TOO SMALL... Since when have passport photos been any other size?? We paid $8 each for photos... Then I noticed a small typo on my application... “Is this important? I need to change?” “Yes, $7 to amend typos”... Jesus blog fans... India better be worth it lol... We paid the ridiculous visa price, that all Brits have to pay... And handed it all in... Now we just have to pray, and wait....

Now blog fans... Are you ready for the most trilling drama you’ve ever read in your whole entire life!!? :-0 After the visa fiasco, we sat around our hostel, researching other travel plans, uploading photos, chilling...... Living dat life... It got to about 6pm, and we thought we should probably get ready to head off to the main bus station, to catch out next night bus to Krabi. The bus terminal was a little bit outta town, but we thought 2.5hrs should be plenty time... We double checked the route with the hostel owner, and asked how long will it take etc... He then looked at us with serious face and said “You have to leave NOW!”

So we power walked back through the dirty grotty nightlife areas, and to the subway... It was rush hour... For some reason in Bangkok, the ticket machines don’t have the technology to accept notes for payment. So you have to que in one line for change in coins, and one line for tickets afterwards... We were cleaver, so me and Martijn qued for change, then we both gave Cat the coins, who was waiting in the que for tickets... It was manic in there... Imagine London rush hour, if Oyster Cards weren’t invented... Plus we had big backpacks on, making the ordeal even worse... We got packed on to the train, like sardines in a tin... face pressed against the walls and all sorts... Got off at our stop, then POWER walked to the bus stop... We had to wait there for a small local bus to take us to the big station... So we got there, and waited... and waited... and waited... We were on time, but we had bad experiences with buses in Bangkok before, so we started to get nervous, and contemplated getting a cab... We waited 10 more minutes, then, “f*ck it, lets just pay a cab and go”.... No cab wanted to take us... Racist... So then I walked over to a tuktuk driver...

“Can you take us to bus station?”

“Where?”

“Bus station... Southern terminal...”

“Errrrr...”

“Big bus.... To Krabi”

“......Ok, get in!”

“You sure?”

“Yes!”

“You’re SUURRREEEE you know where you’re going!?”

“Yes, yes, yes.... quick!”

You can see where this is going blog fans... I shouted to Martijn and Cat to jump in, and we headed off.... Just one problem... It was in completely the wrong direction... “Hey! This way yeah?” “Yeah, yeah, I know”.... We figured he knew a route to dodge the rush hour traffic or something... 5 minutes later, he pulls over to the side of the road. He meets his friend, then gives him our bus tickets, to look at the address etc...

“Ahhh!! I thought you KNEW!? We have NO TIME FOR THIS!!”

I was getting PISSED off blog fans... His friend assured me he knew now, and we headed off... I was getting nervous now, because we were really late, and getting even further away than before... We still needed to que up for tickets etc when we got to the big station... He then started heading southwards... But I knew that the terminal was way out in the west side... We waited 2 or 3 minutes more... “Wait! Stop! Stop!” We got Martijns phone out, and I roughly pointed on google maps, to the direction of this bus terminal...

“We are going here yeah!?”

“Ahhhh... Noooo! Too faaarrrrr!”

.... I flipped my SH*T! I roared like an ape, pulled all our bags out the tuktuk, and beat the shit out of some advertisement on the side of the road lol... kicking and punching it... The tuktuk prick was like “Im sorry, Im sorry”... Martijn was like “Rob! Calm down!”... But by this point I was 90% sure we all missed our bus... All because of this damn tuktuk driver... The bus was pre-booked, cost a lot of money, we were way out of town, we had reservations in Krabi, no where to stay in Bangkok, it was had the last bus of the day, and tickets were non-refundable... Needless to say, we were vexed... We tried to cross the big arse motorway that the tuktuk driver left us on... Carrying our backpacks in arms, jogging, like Mr Incredible... We more or less hijacked a stationary taxi in the traffic... “500 baht”... “No, we pay you 350” “OK”.... That bit was easy... 3 times what we should pay on meter, but a lot cheaper than paying an extra night in Bangkok, and booking another bus the following day. We were still pretty sure we missed it, but we weren’t giving up yet blog fans... “How long will it take to southern bus terminal?” “About one hour”.... We had 56 minutes left... It was gonna be tight... We went down some back road, and the driver says “I pick up my girlfriend... Our home near bus station!” “No! No! No! We are late! LLAAATTTEEEE!!!” He got her anyway, and hit the motorway... Then... Gridlock... Not moving... Emotions were a mixture of everything... I was now 95% sure we were f*cked............ After seeing our distress and explaining in minimal English, I think the driver understood what was going on. So he picked it up a gear, weaved between a few cars, then we were on our way...

“Can you ring?”

“There is no number”

“Bus after?”

“No, last one...”

“Refund for tomorrow?”

“No refund”

We still kept going... We came too far now to be disappointed... We sped into the bus terminal FIVE MINUTES EARLY! I could have kissed the driver, but no time for that shit blog fans... I told Cat and Martijn “You two pay, and grab my big bag... Im running”. I SPRINTED to the terminal building, up the stairs, frantically looking for signs to our gates. Pushing my lazy, untrained, beer guzzling, fast food eating, beach bum body to its absolute limits... Purely on adrenaline...... Got to the booth, and I GOT THE TICKETS!!..... BUT WAIT!.... Where’s Cat and Martijn? I paced up and down looking for them... Hoping they would find me in time... I went back to the ticket ladies “Has it left yet? Can you ring them? One minutes? Two minutes?” The ticket lady picked up the phone, and I went looking again.... Came back to her... “Has girl come here yet? Can you tell the girl ‘platform 70’ when she comes?” They told me to relax, and that I had time... She then said “Give me the ticket for girl, you go to bus” “Errr... I’ll wait one more minute, thanks....” As I said that, Cat and Martijn came round the corner... Martijn was getting on a different bus to another town, 10 minutes after ours, so we said a very quick, frantic, but happy goodbye to him... Then me and Cat RAN... Went back into Mr and Mrs Incredible mode running towards the buses, carrying our 15kg bags like they were cans of Sprite... We found gate 70... Our bus still there...... We made it..... Jizzzzzz................. :)

After that dramatic evening, we woke up from our night bus in Krabi... Welcomed by sunshine, mountains, and palm trees. We were in the tropics again :) After checking in, and having a nap, we got a boat to Railay Beach... Which set the bar quite high for Thai beaches to come. It had big cliffs overlooking the blue seas, white sand, monkeys running about, and a fertility shrine full of cocks :D So I got to see a bunch of wooden cocks after all! Everything was good there, except for the fact my camera started playing up. Its water proof, and has always been fine up to this point. But it seemed something went wrong in this sea, and it wasn’t really working properly. The next day we did a day trip to the Emerald Pools, thermal springs, and the Tiger Caves. Camera was turning on at this point, but didn’t really zoom, and I couldn’t preview or delete anything I had taken. The pools were amazing though. Some of the bluest waters I have ever seen. I had a play fight with Cat at one point and knocked her earring out. It dropped to the bottom of the pool, and we never found it again... But we don’t talk about that anymore blog fans :/ We got back to Krabi, and as my camera was pretty buggered, and I didn’t want the stress of having a camera that didn’t zoom, delete, change settings, or do ANYTHING for the next month and a half... So I decided to get a new camera... Spent a lot of money on it... Was happy with it, but paying $500 for anything, makes me wanna chunder everywahh to be honest... So, I got home, practicing with my new camera, renewing my love for photography and what not... Then I turn my old camera on, just for old times sakes... And it WORKED... Perfectly!... FML!... I couldn’t return this new one, so im now backpacking around with TWO really good cameras on me... Whats the point in that blog fans? Whats the point in thhaatt.......

After Krabi, we got a boat to our first island. The famous Koh Phi Phi... The boat was really nice, and the journey was really smooth... Somehow though, the ONE guy sitting next to me, was the ONLY one that decided he was gonna puke everywhere today... Typical... He filled a whole Tesco’s bag worth up...  We pulled up to the pier of Phi Phi, and the warm sunshine quickly turned to a rain storm... Typical... We put our rainproof covers over our backpacks, and managed to find somewhere to stay. My first impressions of Phi Phi were pretty good. Lots of places to eat and drink, pretty small and compact, walkable little alleys everywhere... But super touristy... And super crowded... I was expecting it to be like this down here, but not quite this much in “lower season”. Lots of fat, tattooed, English chavs... and basic bitches who only care about getting tanned and laid... I should of fitted right in really ;) But not all were that bad... Just in general slightly different to the type of people you meet elsewhere in Asia... We did a one day island hopping tour. Snorkelled, beach hopped, and then went to “THE Beach”... Not a beach, but THE beach blog fans... The one in that movie?... THE Beach? Was pretty cool to finally get there... Its one of those places that people have seen on the TV and have gone “Wow! I am going THERE!” It was beautiful... Mainly for the surrounding cliffs, and greenery around it... Again, quite a few tourists, but not too bad. Less than I expected in a place like that actually... And it wasn’t raining, so cant complain :) The boat never actually dropped us off at the beach, but at a bay around the back of it. Which was kinda cool, as we had to swim up to some rocks, climb some sort of rope, then walk through a small jungley bit... Added to the mystique ;) But on the way back, we did the same, and I cut my hand on some coral... Pretty badly actually... Was kinda like Forgetting Sarah Marshall, but in my hand... It was only small, but PISSED blood EVERYWAH haha... Got on the boat, and bled bright red blood all over it. Think it looked worse because of the sea water making it run... But it all got strapped up, and I lived to tell the tail blog fans ;)

After only 2 nights in Koh Phi Phi, we decided to move on to Koh Samui... An easily arranged boat, bus, boat trip later... We were there :) Easy... We were hoping that accommodation would be easy to find too... It usually is... And we know on the day we arrived (Aug 1^st), it would of been the full moon party on Koh Phangan. So Samui should be empty, right blog fans?? Well, at least thats what we THOUGHT!... We got a little bus and headed to “Big Buddha Beach”, which is where we thought would be best for what we wanted... Got off the bus, and looked for somewhere to sleep... Usually theres LOADS of options, literally falling out your arse blog fans... But in this case, there wasn’t.... Walked a bit, and found a few, but they were really upmarket hotels, that were out of our budget... Kept walking, and found some backpacker places... They were full... Why was this blog fans? Coz APPARENTLY, backpackers have got cleaver!... They book cheaper, nicer places in Samui, then get a late boat to Koh Phangan, where they go to the full moon party and getting completely off their tits... Not only that, but boats are running so regularly, that they are able to return at 2am, 3am, 4am, 9am.... Whenever they want! Game changer! Wouldnt wanna be the guy cleaning the boats after that night though blog fans :/ Hope he has some Tesco bags ready!... But if we had known about this option in advance, we could of been quite tempted by the full moon... But we knew my bday was coming up, and we planned to do the half moon party a couple days after that... so, we were saving ourselves blog fans ;)

And thats another blog done blog fans! We’re still in Koh Samui at the moment, but are heading off to Koh Phangan in the morning. Our time in Samui has been nice. We’ve really liked it here. Its more family orientated, and chilled. We’ve gone to waterfalls, hired a scooter for 2 days, seen temples, beaches, etc... Alllll gooood.... Now its time to shake them cobwebs off again and rave it up! Dont think its possible to beat the last bday I had in Bali, but ill try my best anyway :)

So the next blog will be another birthday special... Expect a lot of drama on that one blog fans... Speaking of which, do me one favour will you?... KEEP THEM SHORTS TIIIIIIGHTTT!!!!!!!!!! For our next BREAKING, BLOG, NEEEEEWWWWWSSSSS!!!!!

ZOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOPAAAA!!!