Yellow Brick Road - part 1

Don't stop, never give up
Hold your head high and reach the top
Here's another blog that you have got
Writing great blogs for you!
(Writing great blogs now)

Yo yo blog fans! This is my story from Cairns to Sydney. Down the yellow brick road... The "blog diary" style of writing seemed to work well. So I'll try to write about the coast section by section. Instead of one big summary at the end... So, do your belt up tight! Coz it's gonna be a bumpy ridddeee!

So... I arrived in Carins by bus after leaving MORDOR, aka #Idontevenrememberthatname bullshit farm. It was a nice sunny day, and Cat was there waiting for me at the terminal with her friend Laura. We checked into a hostel in the middle of town, and went straight out for a pub dinner and catch up. Cat told me all the things thats booked for us, and our schedule down the coast. As I left it all up to her to organize, and I had no clue... Our first day trip was the Great Barrier Reef. Not a bad start ay? We got up early to set out for the day. We had 2 different dive spots to visit, and the sea and coral looked sexxxy from the boat... The snorkeling didn't go quite as "swimmingly". (See what I did there?) Cat was having a bit of a hissy fit as she asked for a wet-suit and they gave her an XXS. She got in it, just, but it was so tight she walked and swam like she was doing the robot or something lol. I was also having troubles with my mask. I kept getting water in my mouth. Then Cat switched her mask with mine, and she had the same problem with it. I went back to change it, and the guys kept saying our heads wernt up right, or its because of my tash, or any other excuse they could think of. Eventually I got a good one, and we were both able to have a decent swim on the 2nd spot we visited... To be honest, with the reputation the barrier reef has, I was expecting the colours of the coral and the fish to be more amazing. It was still a good day, but I reckon snorkeling in Mexico and Belize was just as good, or better. Maybe this boat didn't take us to the best spots. I heard some boats go way further out, but they go on over night trips. So, I dunno.. Other than the reef in Cairns, we checked up on my visa, and went to the lagoon. Which is a public pool / man made beach... My visa is still on hold and being investigated though... Hmmm...

After Carins we got the Greyhound bus to Mission Beach. We drove past other banana farms and rural areas. Bad memories... One guy got on with the worst b.o. EVER and sat right in front of us. So farm life is still managing to haunt me... Our main reason for being in Mission was SKYDIVING :) Was so excited. There wasn't much else at Mission, except a nice long quiet beach. We got up early on our first day, to get picked up by the skydive team. They took us to the base, and signed us all in and gave us safety talks etc. The group before us came back with massive grins telling us how good it was, and that we would love it. We then got our harnesses on, got video interviewed and photos taken by the crew and driven to the airport. It was all starting to sink in that we were jumping out of a bloody plane! As we got there, the crew said the clouds were getting a bit thick, but we should be fine to go in 15mins... We waited 15mins... 15mins turned to half an hour, half an hour turned to an hour... They then decided we should go back for lunch, then come back out later... FML blog fans. We got picked up at 7am and ended up waiting ALL DAY to jump, and it never happened! It was a bit depressing... We were so close and totally psyched, and Mission Beach is supposed to be one of the world's best skydive spots. With views of Dunk Island and the Barrier Reef below it, and then landing on the beach. We ended up rescheduling it for Byron Bay, which I'm sure will be great, but... im still a little bit pissed lol.

We were scheduled to leave Mission Beach the next day... The weather was perfect... Perfect for skydiving... FML... I was starting to feel my sinus infection flaring up. I usually get problems with it 3 or 4 times a year, and I was due some illness... Just seemed to rub salt in the wound a little more. But I was happy anyway, as we were off to see MAGNETIC ISLAND. The place was best. And a perfect place to get over farming or illness. We checked into Base hostel, which was right on a beach, with a pool, a bar, little cabins, great views, and it was the perfect place to either chill out, or have some drunken fun. We also spent a lot of time on the island going on walks to different bays and different view points. It was really nice. I even found a $50 note on the floor one day! I never find money! I felt a bit guilty and thought I might get bad karma, but there was no one around to claim it... I fed a possum some left over food one night. They're ridiculously tame. But it accidentally bit my finger, so I reckon that's the karma "biting back". I was hoping I wouldn't get a disease or more Ill, but so far I've only had diarrhea... We met some really cool people in Magnetic. We should be seeing them more. On our last day a few of us walked to a night market, which took about an hour longer than I expected. When we got there we ate, and saw a TOAD RACE. People were actually betting on which toad will win. They even gave the toads names, coloured ribbons, nationalities and everything! Made me remember I really am on the other side on the world...

One ferry and one Greyhound bus later, we arrived in Airlie Beach. Its most famous for the WHITSUNDAYS boat trips, which is why we were there too. But I actually liked Airlie itself. The town was small with everything you need on one strip. Subway, McDonald's, bars, pubs, clubs, and lots of cheap shops. In fact, the whole town was pretty cheap. Kinda like a holiday in Spain where everything down the strip is competitively priced. They also have a SICK lagoon there too. Cairns lagoon was nice, but this was better... Anyway on the 2nd day we set off for 3 days and 2 nights, sailing around the Whitsundays on a boat called "Spank Me". The captain assured everyone this was not a party / sex boat, and "spank me" actually meant it was fast, and it was a challenge to other boats to beat it in a race... Seemed unlikely to me. Wasn't really in the mood to be on a boat full of young drunk arrogant guys, trying to impress girls and showing off etc. But the group we had and the staff on board were actually perfect. 26 people and 3 staff. Everyone was really cool... We went on a few snorkeling trips on the first day. Technically, we were still in the southern part of the Great Barrier Reef, but I would actually say this part was a lot better snorkeling. Most people I've spoken to don't necessarily agree, so maybe we just had a crap boat in Cairns. On the 2nd day on the boat we visited WHITEHAVEN BEACH. This is probably only one of three or four beaches in the world I really wanted to visit, even before I left the UK. It was the SEX! It was actually SEXUALLY AROUSING... Definitely the best beach ive ever seen in my life. And I'm about 90% sure I'll never beat Whitehaven. Def didn't disappoint. We all got woken up early on the final day to go snorkeling with turtles! Its only the 2nd time ive ever done this, and I love it. "I like turtles!" As the little zombie American kid would say. All in all, the Whitsundays was awesome... An after party was arranged by the staff as we left the boat, back at Airlie. So I started drinking all my left over booze from the boat at 6pm. I then met everyone else at the first bar for free pizza and drinks at 7:30. Then between 8pm and 5am, things got a lil strange... A girl invited a load of us round her hostel for drinks, but when we got there she was locked in the bathroom, passed out with some guy. I then realized I somehow had about 900 raffle tickets in my pocket for a $100 prize. But the pub seemed to close 10mins before the draw was due. By this time, the remaining 5 or 6 of us decided to sit in a park and drink someones left over goon. Gangster... We got interrupted by the friendliest policeman ever, who seemed to let us drink the last cup or two before sending us off. We then went to the only club open, danced like special kids, and ended up in McDonald's eating all the world cup themed hamburgers they had... Good night... On the last day I just wondered from place to place chatting to anyone with a 2ltr bottle of choccy milk. I seemed to know everyone in town. Felt popular :p I battled the hangover til midnight, then caught a 9hr night bus to our next town...

Cue the town of "1770"... (Yeah, that's its actual name). We checked in to a hostel called "Cool Bananas". A lot of online reviews said the hostel owner was a dick... Couldn't of said it better myself blog fans. Only a hour or two after checking in, he came straight up to me, and asked my name and room number. So I told him. He then stood next to us, flicking through all his reservation cards for 10mins and asked everyone on our table which rooms they were in. One German friend said "I'm not actually staying here tonight". And the owner basically told him to piss off in the rudest, most unnecessary way. Then he said "I knew there was a strange vibe about this table" like we were hiding something! It was in the middle of the day and we were having a casual chat. The whole hostel was full of "cliquey" long termers anyway. So it wasnt the most welcoming place... Got up early the next morning for the CASTAWAY tour. Two nights on a lonely, deserted island... Sounds bit like farm work really... I set an alarm, but some chubby girl in the bunk below me woke me up with her farts... Three very loud panty ripping ones. So I was wide awake... We got picked up by Bruce the pilot. He was flying us to the castaway island. The flight was awesome! The views and everything were beautiful, but he also did some craazzyy stunts to make us shit ourselves. At one point he even cut off the engine and let us freefall for a couple seconds! He loved it... he has a youtube page of him filming girls jiggling in the plane called "Bruce's Bouncing Boobs"... But he's probably the nicest pervert you'll ever meet blog fans... The island experience itself wasn't really very "castaway" like. We all had tents, lighters, food, alcohol, nice beach... No hunting or shelter building was necessary. We did a few walks and saw big lizards and wild turkeys, kayaked on the beach, and we all helped cook together by the fire like a family... We also played drinking games with goon - naturally... The only problem there was the sand flies and mosquitoes. The mozzies were bad, but the sand flies were relentless! On the last day, 3 of us got up to kayak towards the sunrise and see dolphins... But we didn't really see anything too interesting... We got picked up from the beach by Bruce again, and checked back in to Cool Bananas. The owner hassled me again, more long term pricks, bad people, bad vibes, bad times... Natalie told me and Cat it was her favorite hostel on the eastcoast when she was here... psst Natalie...
We finished our time in 1770 with a beach bbq with everyone from the castaway island - GOOD people, GOOD vibes, GOOD times... psst Natalie... :D

So that's basically what's happened in the last couple of weeks blog fans! Our next stops Fraser Island which everyone told me will be AWESOOMMEE. Might be a lot of blogtastic things happening, so I'll split the eastcoast trip into 2 or 3 blogs... I think I'll leave it there for now though... Tune in for the continuation of this yellow brick road voyaaggee...

Til then...
Keep those shorts TIIIIIIIGHT

Zeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeepu!!!

Cha x

We Are Farmers: Diary 4

Who hates farm work?
I hate farm work!
Is it truuueee??
Mmmm hmmmm
I do I do I do I doo-ooooo

So blog fans! Here comes my 4th and LAST blog diary from MORDOR aka Lakeland Australia. That means 4 months on this isolated patch. 1/3 of a year... That basically means if Lakeland was a COUNTRY, It would be the country ive stayed in LONGEST (except the rest of Australia). That means ive been living on this little farm patch longer than Brazil, longer than Mexico, Argentina, even New Zealand and USA! So smack my arse and call me Charles! Here comes the last 4 weeks of banana madness.THIS IS THE END.


WEEK 13:

Started this week a bit happier than usual. Must be coz I can finally see a light at the end of the tunnel! The weathers starting to change here now to dry season. Which ironically means its getting colder. Well, the mornings are a bit nippy, but thats about it. The day times are actually a bit hotter! Less clouds, less rain. We're bringing in ice lollies to eat on our 3rd break. Swear down, when i open that juicy wrapper, that farm sees a smile like its never seen before blog fans. The flies are out in force again... Molesting. Every time i need a pee in the paddocks about 8 land on my penis. But thats how these dirty lil buggers roll init blog fans... Also, wasps. The paddock we're in at the moment has a major wasp problem. Its quite funny though coz i get a couple stings a day, usually on my head or hands. But Cat averages about 6 a day, and its ALWAYS on her arse! Ha! IIts like a Looney Toons cartoon when the character runs away and the wasps follow him, stinging him up the arse as he screams and jumps up, grasping it. Classic Shmoseby. Wasp stings wernt Cats only problem this week though. She cut her finger open pretty bad on the knife. She always seems to wanna impress other workers by cutting as fast as she can like a maniac. I told her to chill out, but she didnt listen... Classic Shmoseby. The cut was quite deep. It pissed a lot of blood, and i thought it might need stitches. But its just been bandaged up for now. The farm was never gonna drop her to the local hospital, nearly 2hrs away were they. We'll see how that heals.

Cat did get some good news this week though. Her payslip seemed to be a lot higher than she expected. She went in to clean the shed on Easter monday for a few hours as the usual girl wasnt here - and she got paid $45 an hour for it! Crazy shizzle! I hear how Australians get paid well on holidays, but wasnt expecting that from a farm. Especially just to hose the floor. So that was good...

I got in a bit of an argument with the accommodation manager on Thursday. I came in from work and a couple German boys pointed out a notice saying that a toilet was left muddy by work boots and several people were getting fined as they were seen on camera with boots on. I was one of these people on the list, and it kinda pissed me off. When i saw him at shop time, he brought it up to me infront of everyone, and i think he was a bit surprised that i didnt bend over for him. I basically told him its bullshit, and if the camera saw me with boots on, it would also show i didnt go anywhere near the toilets. I also suggested that he probably saw who it was, but wanted to fine extra people just so he could pocket extra money. Then it got a bit heated and it ended up with him shouting at me to pack my bags and get out. I said "fine, ill need 24hrs notice thanks" and shut the door in his face... People seemed to think i was angry with him, but i just had to get my point across. People seem to assume that nice people can be pushed around. Im used to that. Im allowed to stand up for myself. It all ended with him apologizing to me saying he didnt like how i refused to pay infront of others, and everyone might jump on the bandwagon. But he brought it up publicly, and i thought i handled better than him. Plus im still here, not evicted, so... winning...

Cat had the opportunity to go horse riding on an other girls farm on Friday. So she stayed there. I came home, turned down drinking, turned down smoking, and just listened to music on my bed all night whilst on facebook and writing this :) Thats how im rolling... We might be able to get a lift to Mareeba this weekend. They have a Coles supermarket there, and possibly somewhere to buy a new camera. Only people who have lived in a place like this for 3 months can appreciate how exciting this is. Otherwise im just happy its another week down!... Braps


WEEK 14:

Hello week 14. What you saying? It started off pretty good actually. I got up early on Saturday morning to go down to the waterfalls with a load of the guys from the accommodation... Sounds a lot gayer than it actually was though blog fans. Was a hot day, so why not go and frolic in the waters? In the evening i went to the pub with Cat and a couple others to have a few quiet drinks. Had half a bottle of red, then half a bottle of white. Then i helped unload a few crates of beer to get a free drink... i chose wine - again. Dunno why im drinking so much wine. I dont really like it... Anyway, we did manage to get a lift to Mareeba on Sunday. Oh my God it was good to get out! They had a Coles, Reject Shop, Subway, Tarrjaayyyy (aka Target). Never have i been so happy to wonder round shops. We got enough bits to hopefully see us through the rest of our stay here. I think that goon from a few weeks ago has still got an effect on me, as i found myself in the soup isle for a good 10mins... Got a good handful of soups lol. Coming back in the car we got to see the sun setting over the miles and miles of trees and hills towards Lakeland. Made me think this place wouldnt be so bad if we wernt trapped here with no car. Made Cats idea of buying a car seem SLIGHTLY better. But still wrong. Cats always wrong... Never listen to Cat...

Work continued from where it left off last week. I saw a MASSIVE wasp nest in one of the trees. I got my phone out and tried to stick my hand close to it to take a close up photo... And got stung pretty bad. But i got the photo so its allll gooood. Lots of Tree Frogs. They love me - I love them. I save their lives on a daily basis coz we bros like dat... Cats finger seems to of healed pretty well. Shes still nuts with that knife though. She was talking to someone and waving the knife around, and almost cut my Johnson off. She scratched my pubic hair region with a razor sharp knife. 2 inches lower i would of been Roberta Gurney. No worries though blog fans, Mr Johnson lives on.

Theres a load of contractors brought in to help cut down one of the paddocks this week. We realised one of the guys was a guy we knew from Tully when we first tried to get farm work there. He was also struggling to find work and running out of time on his visa back then. So its nice to see we wernt the only ones to get lucky.

Talking about getting lucky...(with visas)... CAT has her 2nd year Aus visa granted! Yayyy... She filled in the forms online last weekend and she got a pretty swift response and acceptance. That just leaves me... She also filled in my form for me, but im being "investigated"! WTF... Would happen to me wouldnt it. Apparently 1 in 6 visas get investigated, which means i have to prove ive been working on a farm for over 3 months by scanning bank statements, and work forms and loads of other shit basically. Looonngggg... Hopefully it'll be sorted by next week.

Finished the working week with one session on the kerosene gun... Looooonnnnggg!!....


WEEK 15:

After that long arse session kerosening. We got a lift straight from work, to a work mates house. She invited us a while back and we thought we'd stay over this friday. Shes a German girl called Corina who has been working for accommodation at this place, and she said it was really nice... Even though she did mention the previous owner hanging himself there... When we got there we were greeted by 4 crazy hyper, but friendly dogs, and the house was really really nice! It was a proper hippy shack with a outdoor shower and drop toilet. Half the house was just open planned with no walls. The kitchen was technically outside with a shelter over it. I loved it there though. Was so chilled out and nice to be around dogs that reminded me of my own. We walked down to the end of the garden, past all the trees and vegetable patches, and came to a nice clean river. The water is actually drinkable, and thats what they use in the house. Proper super hippy, trust... But we had a nice long swim down the river. Just the 3 of us and one of the dogs. He did well following us all the way. Was so nice. Felt proper backpackery... We had a few drinks and vegetarian pizza. Then had a lil casual smoke and chatted whilst Corinas friend played her guitar and sang... So super hippy. We then fell asleep on the couch with one of the dogs.

In the morning Corina gave us a lift to Cooktown to see the markets there... I did a poo at IGA, as i was scared to use the drop toilet at night. She then dropped us home. After that Cat was invited to go horse riding again with her other friend, and to go for a sea food bbq. I was technically invited too, but i was happy to chill out back at our place.
On Sunday i played football with the other guys here then stayed up late to watch the final games of the premiership. So on Monday i was pretty tired and moody all day :) Tuesday was a bit better. Felt good as it was our ONE YEAR IN AUS ANNIVERSARY! Didnt do anything to celebrate it, but still, one year mayn... Theres been a game changer at work as well. Every Thursday the farm cooks us a BBQ lunch! :) Eggs, bacon, and sausage sandwiches. Pretty nice of them. Shame it starts 3 weeks before we go. Boo... Ive been waking up in the night nearly every night. My hand seizes up in claw and aches from so much clutching of the knife. Its like the claw from Liar Liar has possessed it. The claaawww!! Its bit strange...


WEEK 16:

Ok blogs fans... Its the last bloody week! You and I both thought id be ECSTATIC about this. But the blogs about to change for the more serious... Basically at the end of week 15, mine and Cats relationship came under some problems... I mentioned in the last blog that things were getting rocky. But now theyre Balboa Rocky. Theyre more rocky than a horror show... Anyway. This might come as a bit of a shocker. But Cat and I agreed that we need space, and to take time away from each other. So... We decided she should leave the farm early, and leave me here to complete this last week alone. This aint the place to deal with relationship issues, and we need time apart. The plan for the moment is just to have a break for this week, and we'll meet up in Cairns after im done here to do the east coast as planned. Theres no anger between us, and im sure we're able to enjoy each others company next month...

Went into work with a fresh prospective. Breathing in the fresh country air. Looked at the trees that i weeded in my first couple weeks (when the big boss had a go at me). They were huge trees with bananas now. When i weeded them over 3 months ago they were waist height! My babies have grown up so fast :')
I got to do some different jobs during the week. Did "spading" (digging out roots) "de-leafing" (cutting off leaves) then i got to teach a new guy from Belgium how to do kerosening and cutting. Hes the guy taking over from me, poor bastard. Theres not much to teach. "Cut! Cut! Cut! Squirt! Squirt! Squirt!" The "Thats what she said" jokes came rushing right back into action. Was busy during the week, getting ready for the big escape. Thursday was my penultimate day. Felt a bit bitter sweet as i was leaving here alone. Wasnt how i envisioned it. As Alexander Supertramp said "Happiness is only real when shared". Luckily, that night i had a few beers and spliffs with some of the guys here. Had a good time. Got the giggles coz one of the Taiwanese boys cooked garlic bread and meat pie every morning for breakfast lol. Like thats even a breakfast, and they go together! After that i got the munchies and made garlic bread myself. I presented it to everyone on a serving tray like it was a roast beef with gravy, potatoes, and veg. In reality it was just a dried up peice of bread. But try telling that to a salivating stoner. I shared it out, so it didnt really fill me up. 10mins later - i made... a meat pie! Haha... Went together pretty well actually :)

Went in for my FINAL HALF DAY!!.. Still feeling pretty stoned. Had to be careful how i swung that knife. Finished off with cutting then a last 20mins of kerosening. Fitting finish really...

So!... THIS IS IT! Like Micheal Jackson! Time to travel down the yellow brick road of the east coast. Cat would have to be Dorothy. Not sure about me. Not really in the need of a brain, heart or courage... Maybe ill be a new character. Like a pigeon... Looking for a soul... As mines been absolutely anally SODOMIZED here... A souless pigeon with no personality lol... best.

As i write this im sitting on the over-priced bus. I was planning to get a lift, then i planned to hitch hike, then... i saw the bus... So, $64 for peace of mind i guess. Im looking out of the window, at the rolling hills and green for miles. Mixed emotions. Its like that last day of school when everyone gets a bit upset... But i thought that was bullshit. Everyone only remembers the good things. But high school sucked! And i still think it sucked arse! And even though i had some decent times in Lakeland, and i might of been a bit negative... Most of Lakeland sucked arse. Most of it was bullshit... No, Lakeland is THEE bullshit!

So thank you Lakeland...
I mean f*** you Lakeland

Here comes traveling
Here comes reality
Here comes life
Here comes happiness
Here comes the EAST COAST!
IM GHOSSSTTT!!!

Zooooooooooiiiiiiii uponyaface!! xxx

We Are Farmers: Diary 3

Good morning blog fans.
Afternoon?
Evening?
No, wait, time is an illusion?
Wait, this isnt life? What? We're just a dream?
Ok, yeah...
Here comes blog diary number 3.....


WEEK 9:

Week 9 has been a test. Test of everything. Living here is starting to feel a bit like a Big Brother pressure house. No escape. Everyones business is out in the open, and everyones relationships are being tested. Including mine and Cats... We've been having problems too. Dont wanna get into too many details about it to be honest blog fans. Lets just say its been very "testing" times...
On a positive note, the sunsets and sunrises have been nice lately(!).. Yeah, i actually just said that... Suppose works been ok too. Im enjoying cutting the trees down. The trees im cutting haven't been marked out for me anymore, so i have to decide which are the best trees to chop or keep myself. Sounds riverting doesnt it... But to be honest, come Sunday, im actually LOOKING FORWARD to working on Monday. That shit Gray.. Andy Gray. The 4 day Easter weekend is coming up soon. Four days without work will actually be HELL. I didnt come travelling to say STUPIDNESS like that mayn. Just gotta think of all the positive things that are yet to come when we leave here... Aint got not much else to say for this week blog fans... This week can suck - my - BALLS


WEEK 10:

Double figures now blog fans! No, im not a celebrity, but please get me the hell outta here! I started the weekend doing my favorite thing in Lakeland - drinking, smoking, and burning shit on the bonfire. I sat with some of the guys, just jamming under the stars, talking about stuff only high people do. Like building a spaceship that can hold a whole city, so after several generations, they can report back on what theyve found. Licked lol... On Sunday Cat, Laura, Alex and I, got kayaks out on the lake. Was a bit nervous coz we knew theres crocodiles out there. I reluctantly paddled to the island in the middle. But during my short voyage, i spotted a floating thing that looked a bit like a log. I was hoping it was a log - I stopped paddling and observed - Then i realized, the log had a yellow eye which was looking at me... Then i realized, even though i stopped paddling, the kayak didnt stop moving, and i was heading right for this bloody crocodiles head! Luckily it shuffled off quickly. Then i turned my kayak round, and shuffled back even quicker...

Ive been rotating jobs on farm this week. Been cutting, kerosening and stringing. Its quite good to rotate. But when kerosenings part of the rotation, Id rather not thank you. Stringing aint much better. Actually... I take that back. Kerosening is worse than testicle torture. I know in my last blog i said id rather cut the trees, and get stung by bees (rhyme all the time) well, i do get stung a lot, and i love it! Id rub honey all over my body and cut trees NAKED to get away from kerosening. Every sting reminds me how lucky i am.

In general im in a more positive mood this week though. This place is making me a bit bi-polar at the moment. Its like a "love - hate" relationship. Except id say its more "LIKE - hate" than "LOVE - hate". Maybe im feeling a bit better coz i see there might be a return for my favorite arm-pit singer... Thats right blog fans! Susan Boil is baaacckk!! Back with a vengance for her softmore album! Cats not too happy about it, but haters gon hate, ya'nah mean blog fansss! ...Shes just being a bit selfish about it...

ANYWAY... Time to get to the juicy bit. "CYCLONE ITA." You know shits Gray when the weather forcast has a name. We were warned about a cyclone a couple days back. Its like the 3rd or 4th time we've heard this since arriving. But this shiz is the real deal! A lot of people have left the area, fuel has sold out, its on all the news all the time, and its heading RIGHT FOR US. Im a bit nervous. We stay in a little cabin, which im a bit sceptical about standing in the eye of a category 5 cyclone. Its seperate from all the other rooms here which are under shelters, so im gonna try to move us into a safer room. Theres rumors that its the most powerful storm in Australian history, and all the farms here are expected to be destroyed, and theres a chance we might loose jobs. We have a bit of a community atmosphere going on here at the moment, like the worlds coming to an end. All together on one table drinking.

Even writing this blog feels like it might be in vain lol. Its just a waiting game now blog fans... :)


WEEK 11:

Ah ah ah ah staying alive, staying alive!.... Last night i managed to grab a few valuables, and took shelter in one of the abandoned rooms. Seemed a lot safer than ours. Went to bed about half an hour before the actual storm hit. Cat had already passed out by then. She got up in the middle of the night to go toilet. I asked what the hell was she doing - she didnt respond, and left... I was like "Nice knowing ya mate..." Expected her to be blown away like the Wizard Of Oz (Ha, "Oz") But i think where we were was pretty sheltered from the wind. Wasnt as bad as what everyone expected. Nothing broken, no one harmed. It was basically, a really really windy and rainy night... We were told the farms are only expected to be 25% damaged. So we should still be in a job this week :)

Went in on Monday, and the damage on the farm wasnt too bad. I reckon less than 25% I should be happy that its a 4 day week, but im not. And the fact that im not happy, makes me more unhappy. Its a snowball of unhappiness... But the sunsets are nice(!) :D After the cyclone, the weather was a total mofo. Got really really hot and a load of flying little beetle things came out like a bloody plague. More or less got raped by the sun at work on Monday, then raped again by the rain Tuesday.. Talking about rape - me and Cat had convos about animals sex lives whilst cutting at work.
She reckons only humans have sex for pleasure. Animals only have sex to repopulate... Bullshit. Why would a dog hump your leg then? It fancies having a half dog half denim son? If sex wasnt pleasurable, and felt more like a kick to the balls, would a female dog say "I know you hate sex Rex, but i think its time we settle down and start a family." Ich dont think so blog fans...

The bosses decided to move me from the usual job to help cutting down the rest of the trees damaged by the cyclone. I got a machete to swipe them all down. The damage was a lot worse in the paddocks further behind us. Cat got moved indoors. Machetes are only for the manliest of men init ;) She managed to drop a heavy thing on her toe. It looked pretty broke to me. But its probably not. Shes soldiered on, and went back outside to continue anyway. So im proud of her for that.

At the end of the week, one of our work mates was sacked for no apparent reason, and our 2 house mates decided to leave. Good for them - im jealous. Their visa was done, so leaving is an excllent choice as my friend Dacky would say... I need to get wasted. Its been a long time since ive been proper smashed. I even started my own company round here - "Robs Drunken Deliveries". Its when i cook for others when theyre drunk. I cooked someones nuggets and fish fingers for them for $20. Nice bit of business. Not exactly what you would expect from Robbie G though, is it. But then again, im not really feeling myself here anyway.


WEEK 12:

ONE MORE WEEK AND WE GET OUR VISA!! But first things first blog fans... I said i wanted to get wasted on the weekend... Didnt disappoint. Everyone started the long weekend drinking on one of the tables outside. So i strolled down there with my 4ltr box of goon (cheap boxed wine). Everyone was JOKINGLY saying "That should last you a couple hours Rob!" "That your drink for the night then Rob!?".... (You can see where this is going blog fans)... I wasnt planning on drinking 4ltrs of goon to myself. You dont plan these type of things blog fans. But sometimes, shit happens... I carried my box down to the bonfire and sat it in a crate of ice. I remember speaking to 2 Taiwanese girls and a Taiwanese boy for about an hour. Which is a bit concerning as their English is like "hello" "goodbye" "thank you". God knows what we were chatting about for so long. Then all i remember is squeezing the last drop of goon from its bag, stumbling back, and chundering EVERYWHA! Grass, patio, sink, and even a bit in my bed... Now i remember saying in Peru i had the worst hangover of my life - but we now have a new heavy weight champion blog fans! Ive never in my LIFE woken up after a sicky night drinking, and continued puking. Game changer. Had a bit of water - puked. Ate 3 grapes - puked. Then, when i had nothing to puke up, que mr diarrheas grand entrance! Was pretty Gray to say the least.
Went the whole day with only eating those 3 grapes (well, tried to) It might of been the Easter weekend, but that def wasnt a "good friday". The rest of the weekend all i ate was one meal of soup and bread a day, and a few cookies here and there. I was like a weird alien that only ate soups and had to stay in rooms with air-con on to sustain my alien body temperature. Safe to say, i did nothing that 4 day weekend but trying to recover. Best.

Got a 3 day week at work this week. Then another 3 day weekend coming up. My enthusiasm for that is at about 2/10. Doing pruning at work this week for some reason. Its the most pointless job ever. The Aussie guy i was working with saw a big bat on a bunch of bananas on my row and he didnt tell me. I walked right up to the bunch to prune it, and shat myself. When it moved i thought it was a massive tarantula crawling up it or something. The Aussie guy, then did what any good Aussie redneck would do... He killed it. I told him not to, and I walked away hoping the bat would fly off. But no... Kind of annoys me when people kill animals for no reason. But ive seen it a lot here and kinda gotten used to it now.

The 3 day week flew by. You know what that means blog fans!? 3 months completed!! That means our 2nd year visa should be granted once we apply. The reason i dont sound more excited is because we're sticking around here for another month. Ill tell you why at the end of the blog...

We decided to go pub on the thursday to celebrate the 3 month thing. Quarter of a year in this soul sucking bitch of a town. Elton John says its "No Sacrifice" but it bloody is blog fans. A big sacrifice for the greater good. We shared a sea food basket at the pub and had a few drinks. I only wanted 1 or 2, but Cat had the bank cards, so it ended up being 8 or 9. Still wasnt really in the mood to drink after last weekend. Came home and 2 other guys here asked if i wanted a smoke with them. So we drove down to the lake to hit up a bong in the car. After the 3rd or 4th bong, i thought... "whisky and weed doesnt mix too well". I kinda zoned out for 20mins then got driven back up to the accommodation. I opened the door.. took 3 or 4 steps.. then chundered EVERYWHAAA!! Again! I dunno what happened coz i hadnt really drunk or smoked THAT much, but my mind was TRIPPING like a bitch blog fans! I swear to you, ive never experienced anything like it. I started having mad flashbacks and deja vu. But it wasnt things from a few years ago, i was bringing back memories that were out of memories reach. Like things from when i was 3-4 years old. Things people just dont remember. My old house, my old bed, bathroom, words my parents said to me, old OCD traits i used to have i started doing again. I started saying "this has all happened before, its all happened already" then I told Cat my minds been reset to when i was 3 and i hope its normal when i woke up lol. So that was pretty Gray. Feel like i never have to experience taking harder drugs now. Coz that shiz felt like i just smoked CRACK lol... I can assure you it wasnt though blog fans... So yeah... Ive lost a bit of weight recently. Anyone wanting to shed some extra pounds, try the Robbie G diet... (You may experience side effects)

The morning after i woke up ok actually. The manager here, Dhillon, offered to give lifts to Laura. Which is a town not far from here full of Aboriginals. We went to play cricket with some of the school kids and teachers there. Ive never really played cricket, but playing it is a lot better than i thought it would be. There wasnt many of us, but was good still. As there wernt many people, there was HEAPS of sausages, bread, and steak sandwiches we could take home. ("Heaps" is my Aussie slang - dont watch dat). So that was a successful afternoon. We stopped off at this big rock on the way home. We hiked up there to see the Aboriginal art work on the caves etc. Its probably the most cultured thing ive done in Australia sadly. Ive missed doing things like that. The rest of the weekend we wernt up to much. Cat kayaked again, and i went round raping everyones hard-drives for music and movies...

So yeah... 3 months done. Hopefully a 2nd year visa in Aus on its way soon. We've also just booked a package deal that will take us down the east coast from Cairns to Sydney. We're staying here on the farm for another month (fml), then life begins again :)
We've booked The Barrier Reef, Sky dives, Boat trips, Whitsundays, Cast Away islands, etc etc. Gonna meet up with Nats again in Brisbane, then head down together for reunions with everyone else. Cant wait!! So thats the reason for us to stay this extra month. It worked out with timings to meet Nats and also see Shona and Rachel just before they leave for Asia and England. Plus a bit of extra cash. The countdown starts now... Bad news is another month of soul destruction - Good news is one more month of blog diary madnessss! Who knows what shenanigans we'll get up to this month blog fans :D

Thanks for reading and being my virtual pyschiatrists. Much lurve to you all.

Ill seal this with a wet sloppy french kiss...

Keep your shorts tighter than tight... Spankable tight ;)

Zoooooop!! x

We Are Farmers: Diary 2

"I want to get away, I want to get away....
I want to get away, I want to get awaaayay
YEAH!!"
....Excuse my friend Lenny blog fans.
But the guy has a valid point... Here comes blog diary number 2...

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WEEK 5:

We were offered a trip to Cooktown by Ryan and Tobi on Saturday. Cat needed to go for a check up at the hospital there. The boil under her arm is growing and getting a bit out of control. Ive named her Susan... (Susan Boil). So shes getting medication for that. Later in the evening i started playing pool and drank rum and coke. I wanted to stay up to watch all the English football games. Unfortunately theyre on really late. So after drinking the rum, then passion pop, then goon, then drinking straight vodka with Sam, i puked on the grass and passed out asleep. Luckily i saw the Chelsea game... just missed Liverpool.

Works been plodding along. Cats said shes struggling with it mentally, but my thoughts seem to entertain me enough. Im struggling more physically. With all the kerosene in my face and my hand feeling like a Mini Coopers driven over it at 0.2mph. Getting proper repetitive strain injuries now. Once Cats gun got clogged up with stems and bits of shit, so i told her to bang the handle against a tree to pop all the crap out... As i watched through the trees to see her do it, she bangs it as i was talking, and about 2 liters of kerosene went straight down my throat! She could of pointed it in the opposite direction. But no. Total classic slapstick shmoseby... You can laugh about these things in hindsight - not funny at the time blog fans. Sometimes i swear i get so pissed off at work, i actually pull my pants down to take a piss in the middle of the paddocks. Theres something about the stress and frustration here that goes straight to my genitals. Like anger has to leave my body in liquid form.

Other than that we've seen a load of tree frogs, a lone baby pig, and our first snake. The snake was on a tree that was being chopped down by the guy we were working with. So i guess we got 2 snakes for the price of 1..... We've had some appreciation from the bosses and other workers. A little appreciation makes a big difference. They said we're doing a good job. So thats nice to hear... Susan Boil seems to leaving us.

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WEEK 6:

Tobi and Ryan had permission to use their bosses car again. So they invited Josh and us to go to CAIRNS! Was awesome to get out to somewhere with pubs, clubs, cinemas, supermarkets. There was a big cyclone warning, but we took the risk and drove 4hrs to get there anyway. Ryan and Josh had the chance to celebrate belated bdays, we could look into booking a holiday for my bday in Aug... annndd maybe a leaving party for Susan the Boil? :p We had a big night out friday, then went to cinema to see Tracks on saturday. Good true story about a lady who walked across half of Australia. So was a good weekend. Nice to escape from this farm land abyss.

Think the cyclone that was predicted on the weekend came on monday. It pissed down!! Got so bad, we couldnt kerosene... So i did humping again. I like humping. I like humping when its wet. And it was very very wet blog fans ;)

On Wednesday we had a bit of a game changer. We were told by Monica, our shed manager, that our working hours will be changing. They went from 6:30am - 4pm to 7am - 4pm. So we get half an hour longer in bed, but less pay. Id prefer the extra cash to be honest. Thats $50 a week we're losing out on now. Oh well. I turned down an invite to go to the pub on Friday. I wanted to save money. But Cat decided to go and spend enough money for the 2 of us. Schmose...

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WEEK 7:

Week 7... You know what that means? WE'RE OVER HALF WAY THROUGH!! Thank the lords blog fans. Thank - the - lords!... Some of the boys were invited to do over-time work this weekend - I was left out.... So, instead Cat and I (and a few others from the accommodation) volunteered to help out at the local school. Its a school of 14 kids. Not a class of 14 - a SCHOOL! I got to ride one of those lawn-mower car things like Forest Gump and cut the grass. Was pretty awesome. Didnt get paid for it but we got a free bbq and soft drinks at the end. Not much else to do here on weekends anyway... On Sunday Dhillon took us to see some of the surrounding areas of Lakeland. There was about 8 or 9 of us. We went to these waterfall areas where you can swim. Was pretty dangerous as the bit we were swimming in had a strong current, that dragged you towards the next waterfall. We still swam around and risked our lives anyway. Cat even jumped off the top of a massive cliff into the water below. Must of been at least the height of a house. I decided not to risk my life twice... Snakes have been spotted around work and the accommodation lately. If we get bit by one of the worst ones we're as good as dead. Exciting stuff. A snake was seen outside our room by the manager here. I heard him shout for another guy, who ran up and smacked the snake to death with a plank of wood like he was Hacksaw Jim Duggan. I just stood there and felt sorry for it. But i guess theres been no human deaths here lately, so....

We had another game changer on Monday. Came into work and there was 5 or 6 new people sitting round. Chris the supervisor came up to Cat and said "You'll be cutting today". I got a bit excited and said "So we're both cutting now!?" ... "No, just Cat". So shes been promoted and im stuck with kerosening still. Chris said he thought he'd give Cats hand a rest coz shes a girl, but it feels more like a promotion. Plus its a bit de-masculating having a small girl cutting off the trees whilst im tagging along after her with my little Needle injecting the stumps. (I called my kero gun Needle as ive been watching Game Of Thrones lately). But oh well. At least Cats time farming should be slightly better for her now. She gets stung by quite a lot of wasps doing it, but id probably take 60 wasp stings a day to the eye ball to get out of kerosening. And i know what that feels like! One of the new guys took Cats place to kero with me. Felt sorry for him to be honest. I showed him what to do, and by the next day he was already going quicker than me... Its a great feeling to be crap at your job :) I made a playlist of happy songs to listen to on my phone whilst working. I called it "Kero Happiness" ...Its not working blog fans...

Had another exciting snake moment on Thursday... I was walking down the paddocks at the end of a session. Just strolling along happily like i was Jiminy Cricket or something... Cat and Josh the new guy stood there waiting, looking at me. So i throw my proton pack into the trailer we leave all our stuff in, and Cat goes "...We just saw a snake under there".... As casual as that... After Cat and Josh described it to the Aussie guy we work with, we came to the conclusion it was a Taipan. So basically the worlds most deadly snake, which could kill you in 20mins was right next to my leg, probably startled by the noise of my pack dropping into the trailer, and all Cat does is "Oh theres a snake there".... Luckily i think i scared it off and it slithered away rather than kill me in defence. So, thanks mr snake. After my dry weekend last week, i was easily convinced to go pub on friday. Walked straight to the bar and said "2 shots of sambuca and a bottle of your cheapest wine please". Drank the wine straight from the bottle like Tinie Tempah... So super smashing.

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WEEK 8:

Saturday - woke up at 11am coz Cat made pizza. Ate some, then went back to bed until 5pm. Got up and ate some chocolate.. Hangovers are def worse with wine. My only plan for the day was to watch Chelsea THRASH Arsenal. So thats what i did :) 6-0. Blup! Nothing else really happened on the weekend. A lot more people are moving into our accommodation. So we just spoke and chilled with them really. Monday - same shit different day. Think me and Josh must be getting high off the kero as convos have turned to religion, time and space, conspiracy theories, and if "mental people" is just a label?

Tuesday - GAME CHANGER!! The day was plodding along in its usual monotonous fasion. Then on the last session Chris came up to me: "Can i trust you with a knife Rob?"
"Me? Well if you can trust Cat, you can trust me!"
"We got 2 new guys coming in to kerosene tomorrow. So you can do cutting with Cat and Dimitri"...
Jizz blog fans... JIIIZZZ!!...

On my first day cutting i thought id wear a nice lil vest, coz i know itll be hot and ill prob sweat a lot. First two sessions went by, and it was a good call. It was hot, sweaty, hard work. THEN blog fans, things done chaaanged!! Probably the heaviest rain ive seen, in my LIFE. There was probably more rain drops in the air per square meter, than there was oxygen! It was ridiculous. Not ideal for sporting a vest. The roads went from muddy tracks, to white water rapids in a matter of minutes. My welly boots were filled with water to the point of nearly over-flowing. Then the lightning came, and it was so close, we were rushed inside as it was too dangerous to work. The thunder and lightning was so loud and close to us. Was def a "Jesus Christ Fenton" moment. Made the day interesting though. Sometimes when me and Cat work together, she still manages to make the job even less enjoyable than it already is. On Thursday I just wanted to get away from her, so i was cutting through the trees like the Tazmanian Devil with Incredible Hulk rage to get ahead of her... Then my knife snapped... So ive broken a kero gun and a knife with my rages now. On Friday we discovered a snake was living under our cabin. So we're a bit nervous when walking around outside now. Everyone seems to come to the conclusion its a Taipan every time we see a snake. Ive decided to call it Terry The Friendly Taipan. Just to make it less threatening in my head :) But if it bites anyone, we're definitely dead blog fans :/ Cat went pub Friday and I stayed in again. I watched the movie K-Pax. She came in at about 3-4am with Frenky our West Papuan friend coz he was sleeping outside by the bonfire. We've had him and others crash at ours before. But the owners of our accommodation keep finding out, and now Cats seen as the biggest trouble maker here. Haha. Shes been given an ultimatum, and if it happens again, shes being kicked out... That would be jokes to see though wouldnt it blog fans :p

Anyway - we've come the end of our 2nd month. One month left and we've earnt our 2nd year visa. In hindsight itll be a small price to pay for an extra year here. Im not too bothered about living in Oz for another year. Im really looking forward to Asia now. But we need this time to see the east coast, northern territory, and most importantly, earn more money for travel. I think the plan is to work on this farm a couple weeks after our 3 months is over. We can then save more cash, and time our east coast trip to coincide with Rachel and Shonas leaving party in Sydney. So thats the plans for the next couple months. Other than that - ill keep blogging, keeping you all up to date. As long as you keep your shorts tight and keep reading blog fans.

Love to you all...

And If i dont see you through the week.... im probably dead.........

Zooooooopaaaaaaa!!

Have You Seen My Kero?

Have you seen my kero?
Coz all ive seen is kerosene,
And yes it cause me agro
And when i sleep its kero dreams,
Bananas they be yellow
But before they ripen they seem green,
So we're working turbo
As bosses need that crazy cream,
But im not here solo
We get through this as a team,
So can you pass my kero?
So i can dream and kerosene.

We Are Famers: Diary 1

We are farmers! dum de dum da dum dum dum....

Howdy ya'll. Another blog all up in ya facceee! As i previously stated - i will be posting a blog every month of my week by week diary. I got a feeling ill have a lot to say for the first couple weeks, then the next few might get a bit samey. But all i can do is speak from the heart and be truely honest blog fans....

WEEK 1:

So, week 1 - ive already explained our first impressions of our new place. We came here and settled in pretty well. The welsh guy, Sam, who we share a cabin with was going pub. So he offered to pick us up some Strongbows from the bottle shop. We sat around having a few drinks, and meeting the people we were gonna be living amoungst and working with. Most of the Brits here work at the same farm we are - Mackays. Apparently its a really good farm to work for. Some of the other farms in the area treat people like poo. So we were lucky. The guys here seemed really cool. We even met a guy from Edgeware. So that was a bit of a shocker. Small world blog fans...

We woke up for work the next day at 5am. We were told we were doing "stringing" on our first day. We thought we were employed to do kerosening, but whatever... Stringing is basically tieing the banana trees back to a tree behind them, so they dont fall in heavy weather etc. Its not so bad for a first job.... It didnt feel like a farm. It felt more like a jungle. There were spiders EVERYWHAH. But I started to get a bit used to them... Kinda.. I just gotta watch out for the dangerous ones.

It rained a lot the first week. The mud here is like a red clay, and our clothes got really shitty and our feet got really wet. Even in wellies. Showers become a chour at the end of the day. Takes a good 30mins of scrubbing to get even remotely clean. The showers and toilets are outside, so Cat has to run the gauntlet of frogs in the evening. Shes scared of them and asks me to scare them off... Some times i do... but some times i dont blog fans ;)

We stayed working together outside in the paddocks all week. Its rare for girls to stay outside. They usually have the sorting jobs in the shed. I started to eat bananas that had fallen whilst working. I dont even like bananas. But sometimes when your damp, tierd and hungry, and you see the perfect banana, glowing golden like it was grown in the garden of edan. You just gotta appreciate it and munch that bad boy down.

At the end of the week we had a little party and some drinks. You gotta do it. Not much else to do here. The party got shut down by Dhillon the owner. So i stayed up drinking on my own and watched Chelsea beat Newcastle 3-0. Good first week.

WEEK 2:

At the beginning of week 2, I was mostly humping. But enough about my personal life blog fans!.... ha, only joking. "Humping" is when the bananas get cut off the trees and you gotta carry them on your shoulders to the truck. It wasnt easy. The bananas were heavy and hard. My shoulders were brusied, but everyone said youll get used to it eventually. Cat started off in the shed with the other girls sorting. We both then moved on to doing some weeding half way through the week. I met the big boss guy, and he seemed to hate me straight away. I think there's something about my body language and look, that makes all authority figures hate me. It was all a misunderstanding though. I was doing what i was asked to do, so... sekkle ya batty... That same guy later took me and Cat aside to start the kerosening. Thats where we inject tree stumps with kerosene to stop them growing. When he was walking us through it, it got stupidly innuendous... "Stick it in, pull it half way out, then squirt". "Stick it deep, right in the middle." "Squirt as much as you can." "Watch it doesnt squirt in your face or eyes." Haha.... I so wanted to scream THATS WHAT SHEEEE SAAAAIIDDD!! But couldnt as it was the grumpy boss man. Cat made it worse by saying "Its all in the wrist action really isnt it".... Classic Cat...

Pumping that kerosene all day gave me some messed up dreams. I have about 20 a night. I must be coming home high. We might be doing this permanently now for a long time. So i could see it as im getting paid to get high.

Still no spider bites, and i aint seen a snake. I think people need to make less fuss of spiders and snakes in Oz, and focus on the real problem - flies. Aaghhh so many!! Every lunch time they just gang rape every hole in your body. Mozzie bites too. Our legs look like Nic-Naks. But its a way of life here. Cats not coping with the seclusion as well as me. She cant chill. Always trying to make plans for the evenings and weekends. She wants to buy a car so we can drive places. But im just here to get our 2nd year visa and save money. So keep posted on car news blog fans.... We had a leaving party for a girl called Clare. We had a big bonfire - a lot of talking, drinking and smoking.... A big Fijian guy called Izzy held my hand, and told me im a lovely man....

WEEK 3:

Week 3 started strangely. Two new Welsh boys arrived, Ryan and Toby. We introduced ourselves and had the usual "Where you been, where you going" conversation. They had been staying in Melbourne for 2 months. We told them we stayed with some friends in St Kilda. They jokinly said "they aint the same friends as ours are they?" As a joke coz they were a couple from London as well. "What are your mates names?", "Oh these guys we know from home, Rob and Nancy". "No way!! Rob and Nancy!?" Fenton blog fans. It happened again... First we found out Andy (the aussie we met in brazil) lived in the same block as Rob and Nancy, and now this. Small world blog fans, small world...

Cats been flirting and making weekend plans with others. She managed to get the Italian boys we work with to take her to Cooktown for shopping. She stocked up on food and drink whilst i went for a little bike ride to the pub with Sam and Charlotte. Its only 10km away(!).... Was good though.

At work we continued with the kerosening. Walking around like The Ghostbusters with our proton packs on. Starting to get a bit sick of the kerosene smell, and our hands really hurt from the constant pumping of the handles. Its hard blog fans. Sometimes you get the kero on your face, then you walk through a thousand spider webs a minute that sick to your face, then your face does its best Niagra Falls impression from the sweat in the sun... DPMO!... Cats got sprayed in her face many times (and at work lol) But her skin is starting to go bad from it. Ive got white bumps on my legs too. Think its both from the kerosene burning, but u can only see mine over the dark tattooed areas of my leg.

One of our supervisors, Chris, made a comment about me and Cat having to keep up with a woman called Clare who we've been kerosening with a bit. He didnt mean much by it, but Cat took it to heart. I think he wants us at the top of our game as we're the main keroseners. But Cat then started to work like a mad man and got annoyed with me coz i wernt keeping up. But i know im going fast, and any faster i wont be doing it right. By friday i was going through them like Terminator, then i see Clare catching up with me... I wanted to turn round at her and shout "Oi! You go back and do that properly yeah!" Its like we were racing, and i was in the fastest car in the world, taking the corners perfectly. There's no way anyone could catch up unless theyve taken a short cut or cut corners... So whatever. Im gonna continue the way i am. Cats just scared coz shes heard about people on other farms being sacked...

Not much else has happened. Cat still wants to get a car. She thinks it will give us things to do on the weekends - and i just dont want the hassle. I just wanna work weekdays, relax weekends, and look forward to having fun after our farming is over. Time is flying fast so far. We're already a quarter of the way through! Starting to miss people from home now. Think routine and work does that to you more :p

WEEK 4:

If you havent noticed, i start my weekly diary from the weekends. Its friday, and im playing drinking games with beer, cider and fortified wine. I dont know what "fortified" means - but it should probably die.

Saturday was good. I got out of Lakeland for the first time since arriving. A German girl called Jessica took me, Cat and Charlotte to Cooktown just to get out and do a food shop. The town was nice. Really small, but compared to Lakeland i almost got a nose bleed from the metropolis. We went IGA and bought 2 vodkas, 2 wines, 2 Passion Pops, Captain Morgans, and a box of goon. Justin Case.... Later that day i watched the Chelsea v Everton game on my own with goon. Downed a cup of it and put it on my head when Terry scored the winner ;) On Sunday a load of us hiked a hill near where we live. Was pretty dangerous. Could of died by crocodile, spider, wild boar, snakes, or being molested by a crazy redneck. It was a bit like Blair Witch / Hills Have Eyes / Anaconda. Red Back spiders and snakes have been spotted at work recently too. So we had to be ninja about it... Spoiler alert - we survived...

Monday was back to work... Was shit... But we stayed at that Jess girls house just to see her place and she made T-Bone steak for us. Tuesday was even shitter than Monday. Things were going wrong all day, and Cat keeps rushing the job to make it even less enjoyable. Dunno why. This job is gonna be bigger than our 3 months. Its continuous. We cant win.... My kerosene gun was jamming a lot. I had some Akira Tetsuo, TekkenKinkreet Minotour, M. Bison physco power moments. Broke my kerosene gun and kicked a few trees... When i came back with a new and better gun, a wasp stung my eye. So there was no winning on that day. Wednesday i woke up to make toast. None of the toasters worked. After trying one in a different socket, i got it to turn on. I put the bread in and went to the toilet. All the boys ones were occupied, so i went in the girls. The light didnt turn on in there so i pissed all on their floor. When i got back to my toast, the toaster popped it out so hard, it landed straight on the filthy floor.... So i had no toast.

After that the week got better as it went along. Our hands hurt a lot now though. Can barely make a fist or grip anything. Also Cats got some sort of infected arm pit. We think its an ingrown hair.... Its butterz so i want nothing to do with it.

A load of us went out on Thursday for drinks down the local pub. 3 Italian boys we worked with were leaving the farm, and it got a bit messy. Everyone got drunk even though we had work at 6:30 the next day. Was good though. Got driven home by someone who was probably 40 times over the limit. But luckily theres not many things you can crash into in Lakeland.... So we survived again. Usually Fridays are half days and we finish at 12pm. But nearly everyone got sent home early coz they were drunk. Me and Cat however, had to stay on and finish our kerosening. FML....

ANYWAY... THATS ONE MONTH DONE!! It flew by! 2 more months and we're outta here with an extra year visa and some cash to spend. Cant wait to hit the east coast and blow my load.... and my money ;)

I remember my friend Shona telling me "Farm work will be the BEST AND WORST time you ever have in Australia"... I can confirm half of that statement is true blog fans... Just half...

So on that note - Stay sweet blogs fans. Pray for us, and please keep them shorts strapped and super tight!

Peace out Rabbiiiitttt...

Zoooooooopaaaaaaa....

We Are Farmers: Intro

Bloggy oggy wow, wicky icky wow wow!

Calling all civalized people! Farmer Bob is on the job! Im on a farm in the middle of NO WHERE right now. Its cray, like Andy Gray. But ive got an awesome idea to do 4 farming blogs, formatted as a week by week diary, just to give you an insight on this crazy life i be living. I think my last blog took you up to Adelaide. Seems a LONG time ago. But farming isnt handed to you on a silver plate with a christmas bow blog fans. So ill let you know how it went down.....

We needed farm work asap, to qualify for our 2nd year visa. We were aproaching our 9th month in Aus fast, and we needed to complete 3 months of farm work before one year was up. Our friends Shona, Gemma and Sara did their farm work in Tully. Its a good place to go as bananas grow there all year round, and they always need backpackers. So after ringing around various farms from all over the country we decided to go to Tully. To a workers accomodation called Hotel Tully. We got on a flight from Adelaide to Cairns, and when we arrived it was PISSING down! Aparently a cyclone was predicted and it felt like we were in it. We had to get a Greyhound bus from Cairns to Tully, and we waited under shelter. The bus driver arrived, then decided he needed a break, then came back.....over an HOUR later. We were gonna complain, but once we arrived in Tully we didnt care. We were warned Tully was tiny, and it def lived up to the hype. It had one supermarket, one main street, a couple charity shops, a couple hostels, and a big golden welly boot. The boot represented the fact Tully has the highest annual rain fall in Australia. And we were witnessing it first hand. We checked into our hostel and put our name on the waiting list for work. We were told that some people had been waiting a couple weeks for work, and we didnt have that long to wait. We had 2 weeks before our very latest starting date. SO, to cut a long story short - we asked about work at Banana Barracks (where our friends stayed). The woman there said there wasnt much on, I told her our friends recommended them to us, she took my name down, she got me a job the next day. I was pleased with this - (natually) so i went to get a load of clothes from a charity shop and some welly boots. Then i got more news from Paula (the woman at Banana Barracks) she said me AND Cat could get work, if we traveled to a place called Lakeland. Work for girls in Tully was even slower than the guys, so we took it. Paula warned us "If you think this is the middle of NO WHERE, you just wait..." So we made up our mind, and arranged our trip to Lakeland.

Before we left we were able to get a taste of Tully nightlife at the weekend. OMG shiz hit the fan blog fans. It went from a grandma's village to..... Magalauf. Was cray. Like Andy Gray. We went swimming in the local pool the next day to cure hangovers and got a bit upset we were leaving. But we knew we had to take this opporunity. We left later that day, in heavy rain (natually) The bus was late again, but this time coz some boom gate to the village didnt open. So a policeman escorted us to where the bus was. We went to Cairns and had one more evening with Nats who was starting her east coast trip from there. We had Chinese food... We love Chinese food, you know that its true. Plus a drink, then we said goodbye to Nats and got a few hours sleep before getting a little shuttle bus in the morning.

We arrived in Turalba Workers Accomodation... Middle of NO WHERE!! Its basically a load of caravan type cabins, set in a field. But its cool! Me and Cat got our own room with wardrobe. We share our cabin with another nice couple (a welsh guy and essex girl) and theres our own fridge and we have a tv. We have foxtel tv with a lot of channels, a good kitchen, mini gym, and everything else is cool. Better than a dorm and sharing 2 hobs in a kitchen with 60 others like Tully. But as we're in the middle of NO WHERE, we have a tuck shop that we buy our goods from. The owners drive to the nearest town (Cooktown), which is a hour away, stock up, then re-sell to us for a little more. Lakelands "town centre" consists of a petrol pump and a cafe.... Yeah....

We had no signal on our optus phones here. So we had to get a new one. It was Cats idea. Believe it or not, i liked the feeling of being in the middle of NO WHERE, and just being in the zone. I know if i get on to facebook or had enough data for youtubing, i would loose a lot of time and precious sleep. Plus i have nothing much to say or post on facebook. Maybe a status saying "saw a banana today" or instagram a picture of...... bananas?....

Anyway, work has started well enough. I was originally planning to write part of the blog along with our first week diary of working. But I think this blog is long enough isn't it blog fans.

So keep posted for that diary of our first month. Working in the middle of NOOO WHERRREEE!!!..

Until then, keep them shorts tiiiiight!!!

Zooooopa!!