RETURN OF THE BLOG (Here it is!)
RETURN OF THE BLOG (Come orn!)
RUTURN OF THE BLOG (Oh my Gaaawd!)
You knew I’ll never stop!
Oh Mark Morrison!! YOU NUT!!
Always singing about Macks and Blogs
and shit....
BUT HERE IT IS!! FOUR YEARS IN THE
MAKING! FOUR years you’ve been waiting for this mother fuckers! Oh it's ORN!
It's on big time! Cancel your Love Island and red wine schedule! Kick your
babies in their winy little mouths!! 2+2 = 4 YEARS! I'm riding on a horse! Can't
nobody tell me nooothing! Can’t nobody tell nooooothing! Let's goooooooooooo
So yeah.... let's all caaaallllm dooooown......
BUT FOUR!! Why 4 years you might ask?
Well this is actually the first time I've been away with just the
"Cat" part of RobCatTravel as just a duo since returning from our 25
country, 3 year stint.
Crazy... but can you really blame us
though?? Sick of the sight of each other!! Urgh her voice blog fans, BLAH BLAH
BLAAA, my God!! Keep at arms length "CAT". If that is your REEEAAL NAAAME!?
So, what have I been doing since
then? How has my life changed? You don't CARE blog fans!! I don't care about
you either!! I know how this works....
"Skip to the part about your
diarrhoea!" Ok JEEEEZ. Let's do this....
So, Slovenia. That's where we were at
for this episode. If you're like a lot of people I've met, and you've never
opened a map up in your life; Slovenia is a country in Europe that's located
east of Italy, north of Croatia, and south of Austria. And the best way to get
into Slovenia, is.... to fly into Italy, blog fans. Yeah I know right. Mind
blown. We actually saved about £200 by flying into Trieste (Italy) rather than
going into Ljubljana (Slovenia). And Trieste is just only about an hour drive
into our first stop, Piran; so it seemed totally worth it and logical. I
had been wanting to visit Slovenia for a good few years now, I did my research,
planned a route, we booked up our accommodation and car hire, and we were ready
for shmosing it up.
We landed in Trieste on the Saturday.
It was hot, and smelled like 16 tons of cow shit. Just how I pictured it in my
dreams. We got to the car hire windows and none of them had queues, except for
the one we needed. Typical. It took aaaaaages to get spoken to there. When we
did speak to the guy, he tried to bump us up from a Fiat to a Mercedes straight
away. No thanks! Stop trying to finger us up the bumhole buddy, we just landed
and want to get a move on! Then he convinced us to take the pricier insurance on
top of the one we already had, which was basically like sticking his middle
finger right in bum anyway. By the time I heard we had to pay a €30 road tax to
drive on the Slovenian motorways, and then we were passing a toll road in the
first 10mins of driving, it literally felt like we had a full fist up our anuses
at this point blog fans. Yikes! Say ciao to that £200 savings bitches! But
that’s life when you’re on holiday init.
We eventually got to Piran in
Slovenia with our anuses just about half way intact. I unpacked and unravelled
my jacket from my suitcase, and the brand new shades that I ordered online
especially for this holiday fell on the floor and smashed into smithereens...
Good start, but we move on from these setbacks blog fans. It was getting late
in the evening by this time, so we went out for dinner. Cat requested we got
seafood. She wanted seafood pretty much every day, for every bloody meal to be
honest. I'm surprised that when she asked for a jug of tap water she didn't request
for them to put a bloody goldfish in it! Where we ate was really cool though.
It was like a hole in a wall that served the food from a hatch, and everyone
sat out in a quiet courtyard surrounded by old buildings. Then there was a
waiter, who was technically part of the bar next door, running around like a
headless chicken handling all the drinks. Thw wine was cheap as fuck so we took
advantage of a few cheap drinks. Wine not blog fans. Wiiiiine not...
The next day we headed out early to
do a coastal walk from Piran to Strunjan. The walk was long, hilly, and HOT! We
didn't really get a breakfast as we didn't pass any supermarkets or anything
and I thought we would pass something eventually. Boy was I wrong. After 20
mins, I felt like a dying desert camel! And like a bunch of dickheads we didn't
pack suncream either. It was 30 degrees with not much shade. Our unprotected,
pasty white English skin was not ready for this type of molestation. But walk
was nice, and we saw some super sexual scenic views along the way. We had a
swim, and just before ABSOLUTE DEATH we finally got some food and a cold drink.
Cat opted to go for an octopus salad as it was “a healthy light lunch” to
continue our walk on.... but she also got three pints of beer to hydrate blog
fans. Classic Cat logic. THREE PINTS THOUGH? It was so hot, and we had a long
uphill walk to continue! Why would you wanna make yourself feel like a bloated
cow doing that!? Lol. When we got back to Piran, we climbed the bell tower at
4.56pm. I’m confident in the accuracy of this time blog fans, because as we
were up there, taking in the calm tranquil views, listening to the seagulls and
waves, reflecting on life, taking a cheeky holiday selfie or two... the bloody
bell went ORRFFFF!! Literally right up behind us in a cage like a perverted
ninja... Motherfucker almost gave us a heart attack! Bastard!
In the evening we went for a couple
more drinks again, had another little swim again, and ate at the same
restaurant as the day before. We actually sat at another restaurant over the
road from it, but no waiter came in the first 5 minutes, and we knew for a fact
that this restaurant had shitter reviews, and higher prices. So fuck that, we
just went back to the old one... But we ordered different dishes, and sat on a
different table to yesterday to feel like it was a new unique experience again
lol. The next morning we left Piran and headed for Predjama Castle for a quick
stop-off before Ljubljana.... I must of
stalled the car about 142 times whilst driving blog fans. I don’t think I've
driven a manual since 2012, and I kept thinking I was in an automatic. Cat kept
asking "what's wrong with the car??" All patronising and shit...
Pssst....
"Nothing is wrong! I'm just a
fucking shit driver! I haven't used a clutch for about 7 years, this car is
about as tight as a bloody bobsleigh inside, and the gear stick looks like a
little fucking black lollipop that I keep forgetting is even there!"
Anyway, Predjama Castle is located in
some middle of nowhere, in some Lord of the Rings, Hobbit land, countryside
vibe. It was super cool though. The outside view of it was so picturesque, that
we really didn’t give too much of a shit about going inside. We could of paid
entry to the castle or caves, but we’re the type of arrogant arseholes who
think we have been to enough cool castles and caves in our lives, so we didn't
bother...
We got to the Airbnb in Ljubljana a bit
too early to check in, so we parked up, left our bags in the car and hit the
town. Now, I know most people might want to chill after a long drive into a new
city on holiday if they have an hour or so to spare. You know, get a bite to
eat, a refreshing cocktail, a ice cream maybe? What do we do blog fans?.... A
long arse walk again.... in 30 degree heat... all up hill... hungry, thirsty,
and almost dying... AGAIN... This time it was actually more my fault than Cats.
Who would of thought I'd ever admit that? I looked at the city map and saw Ljubljana
Castle was not too far from our accommodation. In my head, it was in the middle
of a big park, on top of a hill. So I thought we'd go there, see it, find a
tree with some shade, and just chill until check in.... I was almost right blog
fans... The castle was on a hill in the middle of a park, but the park itself
was just one massive uphill hike covered in trees! And you couldn't see the
castle in front of you because the whole hill was basically a forest that you
couldn’t see past. So we had to walk RIGHT UP to the bloody castle before getting
a fucking glimpse of it! SUPER up hill! AGAIN! You might think "at least
the trees must of supplied some shade this time?"..... NO! If anything it
just felt like it was trapping the heat in and making it humid as fuck... so
again blog fans... almost DIIIIIED...
We got an early dinner on the way
back to check in, showered and headed out to the city. Ljubljana is really
nice. Typical of most small European cities. Lots of bars, cool looking architecture,
and a river running through it. Neither of us was really in the mood to smash
back a load of drinks that night because of the earlier trauma, so we decided
to head to the Neboticnik skyscraper for a cocktail. I was expecting it to be
all fancy pants, and for them to look down on us with our creased Primark suitcase
clothes. But it was actually really chill and really nice. We both got a couple
girly cocktails, and the views were amazing. Much better way to see that bloody
castle! Pst!
In the morning we made our way to the
Metelkova art district (by foot of course). It’s a weird area, mostly full of
nightclubs, fully covered with graffiti and strange abstract sculptures. Once
we were done taking photos there, we thought we'd get a bus into the shopping
centre. Just to get a lunch, look around shops, and to basically be in aircon
for a while. We got to the bus stop and I asked some local girls how it works
to get on a bus here. They told us we needed to get an oyster card style card
to tap when you got on, which needs topping up. Unfortunately the nearest shop
selling them was pretty far... so what did we do blog fans? We walked to the
shopping centre.... By this point I just accepted this is my life now, and
didn't even argue with Cat about it. It was only about 6 miles away... Once
there, I bought some new shades to replace the ones I broke. I also got a t-shirt
as apparently I packed my brothers new t-shirt before I left home thinking it
was something I might of ordered online drunk. And he didn't want me to
touching that, so I was a kind of a shirt short for the week. After shopping we
got a bus (YES A BUS) to a shisha cafe, smoked, and got dinner. Food was
banging, and we also went to a couple cool pubs after. Message me if anyone
wants any recommendations on them blog fans.
After Ljubljana, came Lake Bled.
BEAUTIFUL place. One of the main reasons why I (and most other tourists) wanted
to come to Slovenia. As soon as we parked up and dropped our bags off, we
hiked... lol... But this was my idea, as I marked out the very best spot to see
a view of the lake from. Another LONG ARSE HOT WALK! But once we got there, so
worth it. I would say it’s probably hands down the best viewpoint I've been to
in all of Europe. We took some sexy photos, and headed back down to the lake
for a swim to cool off. I was happy to chill in the shade and listen to music,
but Cat was annoyed that we didn't bring a ball or any beach games to play
with... This was the point when I started to get suspicious that Cat is actually
a dog in disguise blog fans... All she wanted to do for the whole bloody
holiday was go walkies, and to play with balls!....... Psst “play with balls” blog
fans...... But why does she have no chill??
Anyway... We got pizza that night
(Cats was a seafood pizza, naturally), and then we got a famous Bled Cream Cake
dessert. It was the tits. Probably put all the weight that we sweated off, back
on. But some would say it was worth it blog fans.
The 2nd day in Bled we DROVE to
Vintgar Gorge. Yes drove. I put my fucking foot down on this one man. I said
we'd drive it as walking it would take an hour and a half each way, on hot
concrete, with nothing interesting on route to see, and the Gorge itself takes
an hour to walk down and see, and we are tight on time, and the heat gets me
angry, and our water will get hot, and we paid for a car for a reason, and blah
blah blah blah BLAH! You can just picture how passionate I got about driving
this blog fans lol WAS NOT HAVING IT. We’re DRIVING!!
We got to the Gorge early. It was
amazing... so blue. We were really tired from all the walking and sweating and
early mornings, so we were walking around with puffy morning hamster faces. The
cool spray from all the waterfalls kept us daisy fresh though, and we missed
all the school trips coming in, so we timed it all really well. One Hungarian
school trip came in and there was a grumpy looking fat kid with a “Born to be
Wild” t-shirt on, like he was a stereotype straight out of a 1980s family
friendly kids movie. It made my day....
In the evening we visited a farm
which makes its own home made beers and brandys. The lady who owned it was
really cool. She doesn’t advertise... she is happy with the steady small
clientele she gets off word of mouth, and lives a good life, meeting people and
drinking. She has pet chickens, cats and alcohol... What more does she really need?
Kind of envious of her lifestyle haha
Our next stop from Bled was Kobarid.
But instead of taking the most direct route, we took the “Vrsic Pass” which was
an awesome scenic drive. Maybe my favourite part of the whole trip. It started
in a place called Kranjska Gora, and it was sooooo nice there! It had a river
running down from the mountains that looked like bath water, and a lake that
was so clear. There were hills surrounding the lake and river that had ski
resort style cottages on them. So orgasmic. I stopped and said to Cat “this is
easily as beautiful as anything we have seen in New Zealand or Iceland for
example”. Hard to believe so few Brits come here for holidays. As the drive
went on, things got more and more uphill, and there were over FIFTY hairpin
turns! Not even exaggerating... They’re numbered out for you. They were all
pretty close together too and the fiat was STRUGGLING with the incline! Could
barely come out of the 1st and 2nd gear! Felt like I was
on one of the gym cross trainer things. Gear 1, gear 2, gear 1, gear 2. Jesus!
Was tempted to suggest to Cat we get out and walk the rest of the holiday!
Might as well, we’ve covered half the bloody country by foot already! The views
of the mountains , hills and rivers continued to be orgasmic though. We stopped
off to stretch our legs a few times, and I enjoyed prancing around in the hills
like a fat, hairy, Julie Andrews on crack. Something about that fresh mountain
air just gets to me blog fans. We got stopped by goats casually crossing the
road once. I thought Fenton might of had something to do with it. There wasn’t
many people or cars about, and roads were pretty quiet up there... I was
cruising along at one point, minding my own business, feeling the breeze in my
hair, and Cat was like “Errrmmm Rob, are you on the right side of the road??”
“Errmm.... nooo..... I am not.”
Casually switch over to the other lane... Smooooth.....
We parked up, and checked into
Kobarid just before heading out for dinner and a couple drinks. We had a little
wonder and saw the small town, but we saved the real walking for the next day
blog fans.
Oh joy. In the morning we headed
towards Napoleon Bridge which crossed over Soca River. Some people consider it
the sexiest river in Europe, depending on what attributes you look for in sexy rivers I guess. I would probably say it hard to be up there, wouldn’t be too
surprised if videos of its wet glistening blueness isn’t all over Porn Hub... Anyway, once we passed the river we arrived at Kozjak Waterfalls. It felt like we were
in Uncharted 4 on the Playstation, or on the set of The Goonies. HEEEY YOOU
GUUUUYS!!! Looked almost fake, as it looked too perfect. I was keeping one eye open
for a pirates treasure chest, because if I was a pirate, I’d definitely leave
treasure there. We weren’t allowed to swim in the waters there, but who cares
about swimming when you can WALK blog fans!? Yay! We took the longer route
back, which was part of a “historical trail”. Inverted commas needed, as the
historical part was pile of shite to be honest. Just church rubble... Should of
been called “The mostly uphill and in the wrong direction trail”. I swear for a
moment I thought this was a footpath to the sun or something! ALL UPHILL! And I was looking
down on that little blue river thinking “Wait a minute... we’ve constantly been
heading north. The accommodation is south... I know this path goes a LITTLE bit
off course..... But......” Up, up, up, north, north, north lol. It was too late
for turning back... Every step further from food and water, and closer to the
sun... It’s was a matter of cry or die!
We cheated death again, and somehow
made it home before vultures ate our decomposing bodies. After dinner we saw that the little town centre had a stage set up, and a little market stall. It seemed like some sort of
sports day awards were going on or something, but the whole little village was
there, and they were selling beers, and pancakes, and balloons and popcorn. Me
and Cat just sat on a step with a beer and soaked in the community atmosphere
and listened to the music. Was a nice way to spend our last night in Slovenia.
And that’s just about all I have to
say about our Slovenian holiday blog fans! On our last day we drove from
Kobarid, to Trieste in Italy. We stopped off at more random little areas
for a dip in the rivers, drove through some wineries, and got a quick glimpse
of the famous Lipica horses. Which was a bit gay... We also stopped of at a brewery I liked the sound
of, to try a few tasters, and to buy some bottles to take back for the evening.
In Trieste, parking the car up was a
nightmare. Reminded me of parking back home in Watford as our Airbnb was
directly opposite a hospital, with no spaces, and I had to park a good 15min walk away.
I dropped Cat off with some of the bags, but I had to sweat my arse off
carrying the remaining ones back. The Airbnb was really nice, but it had the SMALLEST
shower! I'm not a large guy by any means blog fans, but I couldn't clean myself
for shit in that shower. Couldn't put your arms out to wash your back as it was
as narrow as a coffin in there! I kept knocking the shower gel off the racking,
and it had that REALLY FUCKING ANNOYING curtain that clings to you. AGH! I felt
like one of those fucking chewy toffee golden quality streets all wrapped up in
it all real tight to your skin. Was probably clinging to all sorts of previous
skins that week. Just in that shower getting more filthy than when I stepped in
it!!
We had pizza and wine in Italy....
Wine not blog fans.... Wine not.....
Handed our car, Andy back, and flew
home.
The coach broke down on the way home
from Stanstead to London, but like I said at the beginning........ we move on from these
minor setbacks blog fans :-)
All in all, it was another successful trip for RobCatTravel.
It felt really weird being the two of us again like that. Me having a
map in my hands, her having her little finance diary of expenditures lol. Felt
like a time warp to 2012 a bit....
If you wanted to know more about my
bowel movements.... they were slightly less regular than usual. Nothing too horrific
to report.... They were slightly darker and harder than usual...
Sooooooo..... I think that covers everything!
I can give a small run down of each
stop-off and rate them out of 10 if you wanted?
Just seems like a lot to read in this
blog lol.... Fuck it....
PIRAN: 8/10
Really really nice place... Romantic.
Not too much to do there, but perfect for a weekend. If you’re the wanky type
of couple who likes to dress up, eat at fine dining restaurants, and look into
each other eyes with the sun setting behind her.... You’ll love this place.
LJUBLIANA: 8/10
Again, really nice place but only
really enough to keep you entertained for a weekend. I wouldn’t come to
Slovenia specifically for this city, but worth a stop off. Decent bars there
etc.
BLED: 10/10
Nicest place I’ve been to in Europe probably.
The town part of the lake was a bit tacky with casinos and shit, but that’s not
what you’re there for. So photogenic... It’s nice.... Imagine Robbie G if he
was a lake.... That’s Lake Bled blog fans...
KOBARD: 8/10
Really nice little town, but people
would only stop off there for the Vrsic Pass, and Soca River... Which are both
AMAZING! So it gets an 8 just for that.
So peace out blog fans!!
Hope you enjoyed this, and found it
educational.
Share this with your friends and family so they
are able to better their lives by reading this, like you have.
Love you all!
Stay sexy!
And i’m
oooooooouuuuuuuuuutttttttttttttttt
ZOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOPPPPPPPAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA!!!!!!
