Good morning blog fans.
Afternoon?
Evening?
No, wait, time is an illusion?
Wait, this isnt life? What? We're just a dream?
Ok, yeah...
Here comes blog diary number 3.....
WEEK 9:
Week 9 has been a test. Test of everything. Living here is starting to feel a bit like a Big Brother pressure house. No escape. Everyones business is out in the open, and everyones relationships are being tested. Including mine and Cats... We've been having problems too. Dont wanna get into too many details about it to be honest blog fans. Lets just say its been very "testing" times...
On a positive note, the sunsets and sunrises have been nice lately(!).. Yeah, i actually just said that... Suppose works been ok too. Im enjoying cutting the trees down. The trees im cutting haven't been marked out for me anymore, so i have to decide which are the best trees to chop or keep myself. Sounds riverting doesnt it... But to be honest, come Sunday, im actually LOOKING FORWARD to working on Monday. That shit Gray.. Andy Gray. The 4 day Easter weekend is coming up soon. Four days without work will actually be HELL. I didnt come travelling to say STUPIDNESS like that mayn. Just gotta think of all the positive things that are yet to come when we leave here... Aint got not much else to say for this week blog fans... This week can suck - my - BALLS
WEEK 10:
Double figures now blog fans! No, im not a celebrity, but please get me the hell outta here! I started the weekend doing my favorite thing in Lakeland - drinking, smoking, and burning shit on the bonfire. I sat with some of the guys, just jamming under the stars, talking about stuff only high people do. Like building a spaceship that can hold a whole city, so after several generations, they can report back on what theyve found. Licked lol... On Sunday Cat, Laura, Alex and I, got kayaks out on the lake. Was a bit nervous coz we knew theres crocodiles out there. I reluctantly paddled to the island in the middle. But during my short voyage, i spotted a floating thing that looked a bit like a log. I was hoping it was a log - I stopped paddling and observed - Then i realized, the log had a yellow eye which was looking at me... Then i realized, even though i stopped paddling, the kayak didnt stop moving, and i was heading right for this bloody crocodiles head! Luckily it shuffled off quickly. Then i turned my kayak round, and shuffled back even quicker...
Ive been rotating jobs on farm this week. Been cutting, kerosening and stringing. Its quite good to rotate. But when kerosenings part of the rotation, Id rather not thank you. Stringing aint much better. Actually... I take that back. Kerosening is worse than testicle torture. I know in my last blog i said id rather cut the trees, and get stung by bees (rhyme all the time) well, i do get stung a lot, and i love it! Id rub honey all over my body and cut trees NAKED to get away from kerosening. Every sting reminds me how lucky i am.
In general im in a more positive mood this week though. This place is making me a bit bi-polar at the moment. Its like a "love - hate" relationship. Except id say its more "LIKE - hate" than "LOVE - hate". Maybe im feeling a bit better coz i see there might be a return for my favorite arm-pit singer... Thats right blog fans! Susan Boil is baaacckk!! Back with a vengance for her softmore album! Cats not too happy about it, but haters gon hate, ya'nah mean blog fansss! ...Shes just being a bit selfish about it...
ANYWAY... Time to get to the juicy bit. "CYCLONE ITA." You know shits Gray when the weather forcast has a name. We were warned about a cyclone a couple days back. Its like the 3rd or 4th time we've heard this since arriving. But this shiz is the real deal! A lot of people have left the area, fuel has sold out, its on all the news all the time, and its heading RIGHT FOR US. Im a bit nervous. We stay in a little cabin, which im a bit sceptical about standing in the eye of a category 5 cyclone. Its seperate from all the other rooms here which are under shelters, so im gonna try to move us into a safer room. Theres rumors that its the most powerful storm in Australian history, and all the farms here are expected to be destroyed, and theres a chance we might loose jobs. We have a bit of a community atmosphere going on here at the moment, like the worlds coming to an end. All together on one table drinking.
Even writing this blog feels like it might be in vain lol. Its just a waiting game now blog fans... :)
WEEK 11:
Ah ah ah ah staying alive, staying alive!.... Last night i managed to grab a few valuables, and took shelter in one of the abandoned rooms. Seemed a lot safer than ours. Went to bed about half an hour before the actual storm hit. Cat had already passed out by then. She got up in the middle of the night to go toilet. I asked what the hell was she doing - she didnt respond, and left... I was like "Nice knowing ya mate..." Expected her to be blown away like the Wizard Of Oz (Ha, "Oz") But i think where we were was pretty sheltered from the wind. Wasnt as bad as what everyone expected. Nothing broken, no one harmed. It was basically, a really really windy and rainy night... We were told the farms are only expected to be 25% damaged. So we should still be in a job this week :)
Went in on Monday, and the damage on the farm wasnt too bad. I reckon less than 25% I should be happy that its a 4 day week, but im not. And the fact that im not happy, makes me more unhappy. Its a snowball of unhappiness... But the sunsets are nice(!) :D After the cyclone, the weather was a total mofo. Got really really hot and a load of flying little beetle things came out like a bloody plague. More or less got raped by the sun at work on Monday, then raped again by the rain Tuesday.. Talking about rape - me and Cat had convos about animals sex lives whilst cutting at work.
She reckons only humans have sex for pleasure. Animals only have sex to repopulate... Bullshit. Why would a dog hump your leg then? It fancies having a half dog half denim son? If sex wasnt pleasurable, and felt more like a kick to the balls, would a female dog say "I know you hate sex Rex, but i think its time we settle down and start a family." Ich dont think so blog fans...
The bosses decided to move me from the usual job to help cutting down the rest of the trees damaged by the cyclone. I got a machete to swipe them all down. The damage was a lot worse in the paddocks further behind us. Cat got moved indoors. Machetes are only for the manliest of men init ;) She managed to drop a heavy thing on her toe. It looked pretty broke to me. But its probably not. Shes soldiered on, and went back outside to continue anyway. So im proud of her for that.
At the end of the week, one of our work mates was sacked for no apparent reason, and our 2 house mates decided to leave. Good for them - im jealous. Their visa was done, so leaving is an excllent choice as my friend Dacky would say... I need to get wasted. Its been a long time since ive been proper smashed. I even started my own company round here - "Robs Drunken Deliveries". Its when i cook for others when theyre drunk. I cooked someones nuggets and fish fingers for them for $20. Nice bit of business. Not exactly what you would expect from Robbie G though, is it. But then again, im not really feeling myself here anyway.
WEEK 12:
ONE MORE WEEK AND WE GET OUR VISA!! But first things first blog fans... I said i wanted to get wasted on the weekend... Didnt disappoint. Everyone started the long weekend drinking on one of the tables outside. So i strolled down there with my 4ltr box of goon (cheap boxed wine). Everyone was JOKINGLY saying "That should last you a couple hours Rob!" "That your drink for the night then Rob!?".... (You can see where this is going blog fans)... I wasnt planning on drinking 4ltrs of goon to myself. You dont plan these type of things blog fans. But sometimes, shit happens... I carried my box down to the bonfire and sat it in a crate of ice. I remember speaking to 2 Taiwanese girls and a Taiwanese boy for about an hour. Which is a bit concerning as their English is like "hello" "goodbye" "thank you". God knows what we were chatting about for so long. Then all i remember is squeezing the last drop of goon from its bag, stumbling back, and chundering EVERYWHA! Grass, patio, sink, and even a bit in my bed... Now i remember saying in Peru i had the worst hangover of my life - but we now have a new heavy weight champion blog fans! Ive never in my LIFE woken up after a sicky night drinking, and continued puking. Game changer. Had a bit of water - puked. Ate 3 grapes - puked. Then, when i had nothing to puke up, que mr diarrheas grand entrance! Was pretty Gray to say the least.
Went the whole day with only eating those 3 grapes (well, tried to) It might of been the Easter weekend, but that def wasnt a "good friday". The rest of the weekend all i ate was one meal of soup and bread a day, and a few cookies here and there. I was like a weird alien that only ate soups and had to stay in rooms with air-con on to sustain my alien body temperature. Safe to say, i did nothing that 4 day weekend but trying to recover. Best.
Got a 3 day week at work this week. Then another 3 day weekend coming up. My enthusiasm for that is at about 2/10. Doing pruning at work this week for some reason. Its the most pointless job ever. The Aussie guy i was working with saw a big bat on a bunch of bananas on my row and he didnt tell me. I walked right up to the bunch to prune it, and shat myself. When it moved i thought it was a massive tarantula crawling up it or something. The Aussie guy, then did what any good Aussie redneck would do... He killed it. I told him not to, and I walked away hoping the bat would fly off. But no... Kind of annoys me when people kill animals for no reason. But ive seen it a lot here and kinda gotten used to it now.
The 3 day week flew by. You know what that means blog fans!? 3 months completed!! That means our 2nd year visa should be granted once we apply. The reason i dont sound more excited is because we're sticking around here for another month. Ill tell you why at the end of the blog...
We decided to go pub on the thursday to celebrate the 3 month thing. Quarter of a year in this soul sucking bitch of a town. Elton John says its "No Sacrifice" but it bloody is blog fans. A big sacrifice for the greater good. We shared a sea food basket at the pub and had a few drinks. I only wanted 1 or 2, but Cat had the bank cards, so it ended up being 8 or 9. Still wasnt really in the mood to drink after last weekend. Came home and 2 other guys here asked if i wanted a smoke with them. So we drove down to the lake to hit up a bong in the car. After the 3rd or 4th bong, i thought... "whisky and weed doesnt mix too well". I kinda zoned out for 20mins then got driven back up to the accommodation. I opened the door.. took 3 or 4 steps.. then chundered EVERYWHAAA!! Again! I dunno what happened coz i hadnt really drunk or smoked THAT much, but my mind was TRIPPING like a bitch blog fans! I swear to you, ive never experienced anything like it. I started having mad flashbacks and deja vu. But it wasnt things from a few years ago, i was bringing back memories that were out of memories reach. Like things from when i was 3-4 years old. Things people just dont remember. My old house, my old bed, bathroom, words my parents said to me, old OCD traits i used to have i started doing again. I started saying "this has all happened before, its all happened already" then I told Cat my minds been reset to when i was 3 and i hope its normal when i woke up lol. So that was pretty Gray. Feel like i never have to experience taking harder drugs now. Coz that shiz felt like i just smoked CRACK lol... I can assure you it wasnt though blog fans... So yeah... Ive lost a bit of weight recently. Anyone wanting to shed some extra pounds, try the Robbie G diet... (You may experience side effects)
The morning after i woke up ok actually. The manager here, Dhillon, offered to give lifts to Laura. Which is a town not far from here full of Aboriginals. We went to play cricket with some of the school kids and teachers there. Ive never really played cricket, but playing it is a lot better than i thought it would be. There wasnt many of us, but was good still. As there wernt many people, there was HEAPS of sausages, bread, and steak sandwiches we could take home. ("Heaps" is my Aussie slang - dont watch dat). So that was a successful afternoon. We stopped off at this big rock on the way home. We hiked up there to see the Aboriginal art work on the caves etc. Its probably the most cultured thing ive done in Australia sadly. Ive missed doing things like that. The rest of the weekend we wernt up to much. Cat kayaked again, and i went round raping everyones hard-drives for music and movies...
So yeah... 3 months done. Hopefully a 2nd year visa in Aus on its way soon. We've also just booked a package deal that will take us down the east coast from Cairns to Sydney. We're staying here on the farm for another month (fml), then life begins again :)
We've booked The Barrier Reef, Sky dives, Boat trips, Whitsundays, Cast Away islands, etc etc. Gonna meet up with Nats again in Brisbane, then head down together for reunions with everyone else. Cant wait!! So thats the reason for us to stay this extra month. It worked out with timings to meet Nats and also see Shona and Rachel just before they leave for Asia and England. Plus a bit of extra cash. The countdown starts now... Bad news is another month of soul destruction - Good news is one more month of blog diary madnessss! Who knows what shenanigans we'll get up to this month blog fans :D
Thanks for reading and being my virtual pyschiatrists. Much lurve to you all.
Ill seal this with a wet sloppy french kiss...
Keep your shorts tighter than tight... Spankable tight ;)
Zoooooop!! x
