We Are Farmers: Diary 2

"I want to get away, I want to get away....
I want to get away, I want to get awaaayay
YEAH!!"
....Excuse my friend Lenny blog fans.
But the guy has a valid point... Here comes blog diary number 2...

.

WEEK 5:

We were offered a trip to Cooktown by Ryan and Tobi on Saturday. Cat needed to go for a check up at the hospital there. The boil under her arm is growing and getting a bit out of control. Ive named her Susan... (Susan Boil). So shes getting medication for that. Later in the evening i started playing pool and drank rum and coke. I wanted to stay up to watch all the English football games. Unfortunately theyre on really late. So after drinking the rum, then passion pop, then goon, then drinking straight vodka with Sam, i puked on the grass and passed out asleep. Luckily i saw the Chelsea game... just missed Liverpool.

Works been plodding along. Cats said shes struggling with it mentally, but my thoughts seem to entertain me enough. Im struggling more physically. With all the kerosene in my face and my hand feeling like a Mini Coopers driven over it at 0.2mph. Getting proper repetitive strain injuries now. Once Cats gun got clogged up with stems and bits of shit, so i told her to bang the handle against a tree to pop all the crap out... As i watched through the trees to see her do it, she bangs it as i was talking, and about 2 liters of kerosene went straight down my throat! She could of pointed it in the opposite direction. But no. Total classic slapstick shmoseby... You can laugh about these things in hindsight - not funny at the time blog fans. Sometimes i swear i get so pissed off at work, i actually pull my pants down to take a piss in the middle of the paddocks. Theres something about the stress and frustration here that goes straight to my genitals. Like anger has to leave my body in liquid form.

Other than that we've seen a load of tree frogs, a lone baby pig, and our first snake. The snake was on a tree that was being chopped down by the guy we were working with. So i guess we got 2 snakes for the price of 1..... We've had some appreciation from the bosses and other workers. A little appreciation makes a big difference. They said we're doing a good job. So thats nice to hear... Susan Boil seems to leaving us.

.

WEEK 6:

Tobi and Ryan had permission to use their bosses car again. So they invited Josh and us to go to CAIRNS! Was awesome to get out to somewhere with pubs, clubs, cinemas, supermarkets. There was a big cyclone warning, but we took the risk and drove 4hrs to get there anyway. Ryan and Josh had the chance to celebrate belated bdays, we could look into booking a holiday for my bday in Aug... annndd maybe a leaving party for Susan the Boil? :p We had a big night out friday, then went to cinema to see Tracks on saturday. Good true story about a lady who walked across half of Australia. So was a good weekend. Nice to escape from this farm land abyss.

Think the cyclone that was predicted on the weekend came on monday. It pissed down!! Got so bad, we couldnt kerosene... So i did humping again. I like humping. I like humping when its wet. And it was very very wet blog fans ;)

On Wednesday we had a bit of a game changer. We were told by Monica, our shed manager, that our working hours will be changing. They went from 6:30am - 4pm to 7am - 4pm. So we get half an hour longer in bed, but less pay. Id prefer the extra cash to be honest. Thats $50 a week we're losing out on now. Oh well. I turned down an invite to go to the pub on Friday. I wanted to save money. But Cat decided to go and spend enough money for the 2 of us. Schmose...

.

WEEK 7:

Week 7... You know what that means? WE'RE OVER HALF WAY THROUGH!! Thank the lords blog fans. Thank - the - lords!... Some of the boys were invited to do over-time work this weekend - I was left out.... So, instead Cat and I (and a few others from the accommodation) volunteered to help out at the local school. Its a school of 14 kids. Not a class of 14 - a SCHOOL! I got to ride one of those lawn-mower car things like Forest Gump and cut the grass. Was pretty awesome. Didnt get paid for it but we got a free bbq and soft drinks at the end. Not much else to do here on weekends anyway... On Sunday Dhillon took us to see some of the surrounding areas of Lakeland. There was about 8 or 9 of us. We went to these waterfall areas where you can swim. Was pretty dangerous as the bit we were swimming in had a strong current, that dragged you towards the next waterfall. We still swam around and risked our lives anyway. Cat even jumped off the top of a massive cliff into the water below. Must of been at least the height of a house. I decided not to risk my life twice... Snakes have been spotted around work and the accommodation lately. If we get bit by one of the worst ones we're as good as dead. Exciting stuff. A snake was seen outside our room by the manager here. I heard him shout for another guy, who ran up and smacked the snake to death with a plank of wood like he was Hacksaw Jim Duggan. I just stood there and felt sorry for it. But i guess theres been no human deaths here lately, so....

We had another game changer on Monday. Came into work and there was 5 or 6 new people sitting round. Chris the supervisor came up to Cat and said "You'll be cutting today". I got a bit excited and said "So we're both cutting now!?" ... "No, just Cat". So shes been promoted and im stuck with kerosening still. Chris said he thought he'd give Cats hand a rest coz shes a girl, but it feels more like a promotion. Plus its a bit de-masculating having a small girl cutting off the trees whilst im tagging along after her with my little Needle injecting the stumps. (I called my kero gun Needle as ive been watching Game Of Thrones lately). But oh well. At least Cats time farming should be slightly better for her now. She gets stung by quite a lot of wasps doing it, but id probably take 60 wasp stings a day to the eye ball to get out of kerosening. And i know what that feels like! One of the new guys took Cats place to kero with me. Felt sorry for him to be honest. I showed him what to do, and by the next day he was already going quicker than me... Its a great feeling to be crap at your job :) I made a playlist of happy songs to listen to on my phone whilst working. I called it "Kero Happiness" ...Its not working blog fans...

Had another exciting snake moment on Thursday... I was walking down the paddocks at the end of a session. Just strolling along happily like i was Jiminy Cricket or something... Cat and Josh the new guy stood there waiting, looking at me. So i throw my proton pack into the trailer we leave all our stuff in, and Cat goes "...We just saw a snake under there".... As casual as that... After Cat and Josh described it to the Aussie guy we work with, we came to the conclusion it was a Taipan. So basically the worlds most deadly snake, which could kill you in 20mins was right next to my leg, probably startled by the noise of my pack dropping into the trailer, and all Cat does is "Oh theres a snake there".... Luckily i think i scared it off and it slithered away rather than kill me in defence. So, thanks mr snake. After my dry weekend last week, i was easily convinced to go pub on friday. Walked straight to the bar and said "2 shots of sambuca and a bottle of your cheapest wine please". Drank the wine straight from the bottle like Tinie Tempah... So super smashing.

.

WEEK 8:

Saturday - woke up at 11am coz Cat made pizza. Ate some, then went back to bed until 5pm. Got up and ate some chocolate.. Hangovers are def worse with wine. My only plan for the day was to watch Chelsea THRASH Arsenal. So thats what i did :) 6-0. Blup! Nothing else really happened on the weekend. A lot more people are moving into our accommodation. So we just spoke and chilled with them really. Monday - same shit different day. Think me and Josh must be getting high off the kero as convos have turned to religion, time and space, conspiracy theories, and if "mental people" is just a label?

Tuesday - GAME CHANGER!! The day was plodding along in its usual monotonous fasion. Then on the last session Chris came up to me: "Can i trust you with a knife Rob?"
"Me? Well if you can trust Cat, you can trust me!"
"We got 2 new guys coming in to kerosene tomorrow. So you can do cutting with Cat and Dimitri"...
Jizz blog fans... JIIIZZZ!!...

On my first day cutting i thought id wear a nice lil vest, coz i know itll be hot and ill prob sweat a lot. First two sessions went by, and it was a good call. It was hot, sweaty, hard work. THEN blog fans, things done chaaanged!! Probably the heaviest rain ive seen, in my LIFE. There was probably more rain drops in the air per square meter, than there was oxygen! It was ridiculous. Not ideal for sporting a vest. The roads went from muddy tracks, to white water rapids in a matter of minutes. My welly boots were filled with water to the point of nearly over-flowing. Then the lightning came, and it was so close, we were rushed inside as it was too dangerous to work. The thunder and lightning was so loud and close to us. Was def a "Jesus Christ Fenton" moment. Made the day interesting though. Sometimes when me and Cat work together, she still manages to make the job even less enjoyable than it already is. On Thursday I just wanted to get away from her, so i was cutting through the trees like the Tazmanian Devil with Incredible Hulk rage to get ahead of her... Then my knife snapped... So ive broken a kero gun and a knife with my rages now. On Friday we discovered a snake was living under our cabin. So we're a bit nervous when walking around outside now. Everyone seems to come to the conclusion its a Taipan every time we see a snake. Ive decided to call it Terry The Friendly Taipan. Just to make it less threatening in my head :) But if it bites anyone, we're definitely dead blog fans :/ Cat went pub Friday and I stayed in again. I watched the movie K-Pax. She came in at about 3-4am with Frenky our West Papuan friend coz he was sleeping outside by the bonfire. We've had him and others crash at ours before. But the owners of our accommodation keep finding out, and now Cats seen as the biggest trouble maker here. Haha. Shes been given an ultimatum, and if it happens again, shes being kicked out... That would be jokes to see though wouldnt it blog fans :p

Anyway - we've come the end of our 2nd month. One month left and we've earnt our 2nd year visa. In hindsight itll be a small price to pay for an extra year here. Im not too bothered about living in Oz for another year. Im really looking forward to Asia now. But we need this time to see the east coast, northern territory, and most importantly, earn more money for travel. I think the plan is to work on this farm a couple weeks after our 3 months is over. We can then save more cash, and time our east coast trip to coincide with Rachel and Shonas leaving party in Sydney. So thats the plans for the next couple months. Other than that - ill keep blogging, keeping you all up to date. As long as you keep your shorts tight and keep reading blog fans.

Love to you all...

And If i dont see you through the week.... im probably dead.........

Zooooooopaaaaaaa!!

Have You Seen My Kero?

Have you seen my kero?
Coz all ive seen is kerosene,
And yes it cause me agro
And when i sleep its kero dreams,
Bananas they be yellow
But before they ripen they seem green,
So we're working turbo
As bosses need that crazy cream,
But im not here solo
We get through this as a team,
So can you pass my kero?
So i can dream and kerosene.